The Imp did it! Or... was it Satan?

By Kalos

My group of friends knows a guy named Mark. Mark believes in auras, he believes he knows a werewolf, he believes he found Hitler’s REAL diary in a library in Afghanistan while he was in the army (though he probably never left US soil), he believes he was reincarnated, he believes in energy manipulation (like Kamehameha’s if you’ve ever watched Dragon Ball Z), he once told a story that he was thrown out of church for making an energy dragon, and he believes an imp haunts his house. Needless to say we find this kid hilarious.

Image by TheoJunior via Flickr

So, to set the next part of my story up I must tell another story. My friend Darrel has known Mark for a very long time, but Darrel is a very rational atheist. Darrel was the one that saw what he described as a Jewish star with runic writing around it above Mark’s door and asked what it was. Mark replied that his house was haunted by an Imp and the symbol there was a protective seal to keep it out of his room.

So another time Darrel was over at Mark’s he noticed that the toilet paper was upside down. I’m sure we all know that there is a right way to put TP and a wrong way… Mark had it the wrong way. When asked why the TP
was upside down Mark replied “Really? It was like that when you went in there? Must have been the Imp.”

This imp business was the funniest story we’d heard about Mark in a while so some of my other friends could not resist an opportunity to screw with him. When Darrel and two other of my friends went to get donuts, they had the donut guy put a few upside down to see Mark’s reaction. Sadly Mark did not notice the scheme so my friend explained what they had done. Mark’s reply was that he understood that they didn’t believe it, but couldn’t they just respect that he believed it and not make fun of him? When I heard this story I burst out laughing at that part. Who would respect someone that believes an Imp is haunting his house and turning toilet paper upside down?! (Especially when you add all that other stuff I said.)

Now recently a friend of mine found a study that challenges someone that believes in auras. Ask them if they can see auras through walls (they will always say yes) and then ask them to spot where another person is in the next room. Apparently they either refuse the test or give some bullshit excuse. I was reminded of apologetics. No matter how good the rational test there is always some bullshit excuse like saying a singular pronoun refers to plural people of Judea, rather than a singular god, not being about to drive out people with iron chariots. I saw a poster on the forums of this site say that if he was an apologist he could make you think “that shit smells good and black is white.” So it hit me, ridiculous people like Mark are no different from devout, fundie, Xians. Both are set and convinced that they are right and nothing will change that in their minds.

Now consider how this description of a common Xian would sound to someone unfamiliar with Xianity: He believes man was made out of dirt, he believes a talking snake caused mankind to get in big trouble that we still pay for, he believes his God wants blood to make up for the mistakes that the talking snake instigated, he believes that a belief will determine what happens when you die, he believes a crucified man that was born of a virgin 2000 years ago that preached self mutilation and not defending oneself from attackers(even though supposedly he was the same god that asked his people to commit genocide) saved us all from our ancestor’s mistake and hears our prayers telepathically, and the list could go on. The guy would be as hilarious as Mark! Why isn’t he? We have come to be used to the ridiculousness of Xianity because it’s been around so long. It sprung up during a time when lots of crazy ideas were around and it didn’t sound so strange but if Xianity were to try and rise today it would receive no more respect that Scientology, yet Xians want, like Mark, to be respected for their ridiculousness. My answer to all of them is the same: it’s hard to respect someone that believes such things.

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