By trustingdoubter ~

I'm not sure how long ago, but at some point I started seeing Christianity as a box - a really big box, to be sure. A box big enough to hold the God of the Bible, biblical history and doctrine, and all the christians who have ever lived or with ever live...a safe enclosed environment in which we all lived, moved, and had our being. It was a universe beyond which we dare not venture. If there is one thing that we knew, and knew well, it was that the boundaries of that box were there for our good and our protection. It was all we needed to know. God created us, loved us, sent his son to redeem us from our sins, and if we accept him as our personal savior we will be saved and go to heaven. That was the essence (although there was room for plenty of disagreement within those statements to make for a colorful and diverse and rancorous population....to keep it interesting.)

And in one flash of insight I saw the Christian box, and I saw a camera's eye view as it panned out away from the box further and further, until the final picture turned out to be a little Christian box in the lower right hand corner of a REALLY big box, which I understood to be the universe and all the possibilities therein. I realized that the box I had moved and lived and believed within was only a tiny possibility among an almost infinite number of possibilities.

From my god-like point of view I could see that there were no windows, but there was something against the wall on the left side of the Christian box. I was curious so I panned in again, getting closer and closer until at last the christian box filled the screen of my imagination once again. Now I was inside the box again, and noticed for the first time that it was a door to the left. I saw myself walking over to it, and was quite surprised to find it unlocked. As near as I could tell there was nothing keeping me from opening that door. There were no tell-tale wires indicating an alarm; no deadbolt lock preventing me from turning the nob and opening the door. No blockages of any kind. It must have represented my free will. But looking at it almost made me break out in a sweat. While there were no actual, physical alarms, there were plenty of alarms in my head.

All the warnings I'd ever read in the Bible or in my devotional materials or books; all the dire warnings of pastors, teachers, mentors about the sin of doubt, the threat of falling away, the unpardonable sin, and of course, God's wrath and punishment came to me all at once. If I opened that door, I would be opening the door to the devil; giving him a foothold; allowing a mist of doom to come into the room and permeate the Christian space. Or I would find myself sucked out in a mighty vacuum into an everlasting hell of black oblivion and despair, forever separated from God.

I moved away from the door. Too scary to even think about! Instead I sunk back into the crowd and willed myself to participate in the group-think that I had been taught from my childhood, and by all the authorities in my life. It MUST be right! It HAD to be! After all, most people I knew believed it, and so many men that I respected and knew either in person or by reputation believed it and were staking their lives and their eternal destiny on it! It HAD to be true!!

So I tried - very hard - to put an end to the doubts that had come creeping into my thoughts. I knew the reason I had doubts and questions that no one seemed to be able to answer was because I wasn't trying hard enough. I didn't have enough faith. I knew that it had to be a lack of understanding on my part because God's ways are higher than our ways, and I just wasn't attuned enough; spiritual enough to fully comprehend those areas that nagged at me. I had been told that my name was written in the Book of Life. And I darn well better do my part to keep it from being erased!

So I fell to my knees and begged God's forgiveness for doubting him. I begged him to erase the doubts by revealing himself - clearly and unequivocally to me. I did not WANT to doubt! I WANTED to have the Faith of our Fathers. I asked him to reveal all my hidden, unconfessed sins to me so that I could confess and repent of them.

And he did. I was made aware of all my sins - those of commission and omission; those of deeds, thoughts and attitudes....so many that I fell asleep listing and repenting of them.

But the tiny seed had been planted. I became aware that that maybe Christianity wasn't the only possibility.

I often picture an old-fashioned scale with my beliefs/certainties/faith on one side and my doubts on the other. At first everything was weighted heavily to the belief side. But gradually, over a very long period of time, more and more doubts were added to that side of the scale and eventually, one day, the scale tipped in that direction.

Part of my frustration over the years has been the inability to get satisfactory answers to so many of my questions. I'm pretty familiar with the standard answers, and part of my frustration is that they just don't really answer the questions I'm asking. That frustration led me to take a closer look at the nature of my doubts and see if there were other answers out there that made more sense to me. After several years of exploring these things I can say that yes, that is exactly what happened.

So as for my first specific issue....

God. If everything I've read in the Bible, heard preached from the pulpit, read in books and learned in various classes, seminars, conferences over the year is true, then there are some distinct contradictions that, in my opinion, cannot be explained away.

If God is love, if he created every person who ever lived, if he loves us more than we can imagine, if he is not willing that any should perish, if he is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, merciful....then how can he (seemingly without a second thought) send the MAJORITY of his created beings to ETERNITY in a place of unspeakable suffering for the sin of thinking incorrectly? Because when you get down to it "belief" is - as Eckhart Tolle says - a bundle of thoughts. Belief takes place in our own minds, and is a consequence of our environment, heredity, exposure to teachings, and even emotions. And, if you like....being 'touched by the Holy Spirit'...but even that involves thought, in knowing how to respond to what we felt just happened to us. It would appear that God doesn't really think much of a majority of his created beings if they happen to be born into a nation, culture and family that believe something other than christianity. Because it turns out that the vast majority of people who are christians were born into a christian family, or at least into a culture where christianity is readily available. And the same is true of most Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, etc. Interesting, isn't it?

And along those lines...how can he be a "Loving Father" if he is willing to send his beloved children to hell PERMANENTLY for temporal sins? Would a REAL Father punish his child FOREVER for making a mistake? For choosing wrong - even if their intent and sincerity were real? Wow. That is brutal!

It isn't talked about too much in church(except when it can't be avoided) but God is quite vindictive in many Old Testament stories. You know, the ones about commanding his people to make sure they slaughtered everyone, including women and children and animals, etc. And that is only one of the more extreme examples.

I had probably just committed the unpardonable sin and was on my way to hell already. Taken together, one day it occurred to me....if these things ARE true....do I want to WORSHIP a God like that? I mean for any reason other than escaping hell myself? Obviously, these are really hard, scary questions when your whole life is based on Christianity. But I had to be honest. Why would I WORSHIP (praise, bless, adore, consult, want to please) a God like that? (Well the answer to the "want to please" question is obvious....to escape hell myself!). But otherwise, the answer was no. WOW! HUGE!! And SCARY!! But think about it....would you worship, praise, bless, adore, consult and want to please a human tyrant like that? Of course not! (again, except for the want-to-please part, to escape pain yourself. See Stockholm Syndrome).

This, as you can imagine was pretty darn scary to acknowledge. It meant I had probably just committed the unpardonable sin and was on my way to hell already. But to go back and beg forgiveness of this God, and go back to worshipping would really just be an attempt to escape hell. How could I unreservedly LOVE a God who was like that? (And if he really is omniscient he would know my true motivation, and since it would be to escape hell, would that really count?)

So then I started thinking....maybe what I've been TAUGHT is wrong! Maybe there IS a God and he's NOT like that. Maybe he exists and he really DOES love us with an everlasting love and won't send us to hell for thinking the wrong thoughts (or being born into a country where Christianity is not mainstream)! That was a pleasant possibility, but it led to lots of other issues....for instance, which of the things I was taught were true and which were not? Who makes the final determination? If the Bible and articles of faith are open to interpretations (of which there are hundreds, if not thousands) then how can ANYTHING be authoritative? And if nothing is really authoritative and it's up to our own interpretation or understanding, and this is okay, then how is that different from just believing whatever we want? Again, where is the 'authority'?

I'll never forget the time I was standing in the parking lot of the church where I was a secretary and chatting with a member of the staff. She informed me that not NEARLY as many people as we might suspect are going to make it into heaven. She got this on the authority of her Bible study teacher (who happened to be the former Bible Study Fellowship Teaching Leader of the class I had been in previously). I'm not exactly sure what the issue was, but she was clear that based on what she had learned from this woman, the Narrow Way was a heck of lot more narrow than even most Christians thought! And only those two, and (I'm guessing here...) maybe 143,998 others were going to make it in. We didn't spend a long time on the particulars of this, but what stuck with me was the certainty with which she stated this....She obviously truly believed it. Not unlike Harold Camping obviously truly believed the rapture was coming May 21, 2011.

Certainty is no basis for truth. After all, the men who killed themselves flying into the World Trade Center were absolutely certain they were going straight to their version of heaven (with a bunch of extra virgins, if I understand correctly). So many people are certain that what they believe is the truth....and yet they believe different things. So SOMEBODY (or actually a lot of somebodies) is/are wrong! It's almost amusing (but only ironically so) that Christians have no problem pointing to Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, etc, and saying with certainty that THEY are wrong, but are a little more hesitant to say so about their fellow christians of different denominations, and absolutely deny the possibilty of THEMSELVES being wrong. If this is true, then God is even more exclusive than I originally stated. And if it IS possible, then how can any of us know with certainty that what WE believe is the correct thing?


I've been taught the God is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent. And yet, in so many areas he seems impotent. I've heard Christians praise him quite literally for helping them find the perfect little black dress for a business trip, finding a parking space, allowing a trip to work or a mission trip without a car accident. And yet he can't seem to manage to really help the starving children of the world, or prevent a violent massacre, or stop a drought. If he IS all those omni's, you have to wonder about his priorities. And again....do I want to WORSHIP a God who cares more about the dress or parking space of a well-to-do Christian in comfortable America than he does about the sad, horrific, and shocking conditions around the world?

I'm aware that "the problem of pain" is not new with me and has been around for a VERY long time. Unfortunately, it is a real one and one of the issues that has left me unsatisfied.

I know that sometimes the 'answer' to the above question is that Satan is having his way in this world and in the hearts of people. But can we really say that God is omnipotent if Satan has so much power to wreak havoc on the earth? It sounds more to me like they're equals and sometimes God wins and sometimes Satan wins. And if God is letting Satan have his way on this earth, it brings me back to my original question....how much does God really love us anyway? Most earthly fathers I know want to protect their children and not let them suffer. God seems to find pleasure in the suffering of his children. Or at least he doesn't raise a finger to stop it in so many cases, when - if he's REALLY omnipotent - he could.

The next doubt concerned The Holy Spirit. We read in the new testament that Christians will be spirit filled, have power, will evidence certain traits, and that 'they'll know we are christians by our love.' And yet, as often as not, it's just not true. Christians can be nice and generous and helpful and kind and considerate, and non christians can be nice, generous, helpful, kind and considerate. Non-christians can be rude, selfish, cruel, abusive, manipulative, and christians can be rude, selfish, cruel, abusive and manipulative. I remember someone once saying to me that some of the rudest people she had come across or dealt with were church secretaries! (I think it WAS a church secretary that said it to me.) It seems that behavior has more to do with personality, upbringing, etc., than with being filled with the spirit. One of my initial problems with christianity was that what the Bible said was true of christians just WASN'T so much of the time, in my observation and experience. And if it wasn't true where was that power that we are all supposed to be infused with? Where is the power to resist falling into sin? Where is the power to have faith and not be fearful? To truly trust (without having to ask everyone you know to pray for you, thereby using the power of numbers to try to pursuade God to come around to your way of thinking)? In expressing this question/frustration with my pastor I was reassured that these sad situations were exceptions and not the rule. But even as I tried to be objective I noted that it seemed the MAJORITY of christians have/had some major flaw (in addition to our regular, daily sins). And if that is so what is this about the POWER of the Holy Spirit? How exactly is it manifested again?

I also remember the building program at our church. We were advised to go home and pray about whether to proceed with a building program or not. People did. Some were led (presumably by the Holy Spirit) to say, yes! We're ready! Let's do this! And some (presumably led by the SAME Holy Spirit) said no, we shouldn't. It's financially unwise. Why couldn't the Holy Spirit say the same thing to everyone? If he is God, and is all-powerful, surely getting everyone to vote the same way in one church should have been a very simple matter.

Let me guess....the people that voted against it (or for it, depending on your point of view)were "misinterpreting" the leading of the Holy Spirit.

About God's will, reading the signs, and/or interpreting events....it seems like this is an ongoing problem and - once you stand away and look at it from a distance - it looks suspiciously like reading tea leaves, or oracles or anything else along those lines.

Some well-known preachers have stated very clearly that the AIDS epidemic, or Hurricane Katrina, or 9/11 were all punishments for sins (whose sins and which ones varied, based on the particular concern of the preacher....usually it was homosexuality and/or abortion). This was God's will. Obviously, that view has been disputed by other well-known preachers.

On a smaller scale what about people on a church search committee? If they prayed for unity, and to know the will of God, how was it that they still couldn't agree? Was someone not sincere in his or her prayer? Is that why it wasn't unanimous? Why couldn't God make it clear right from the start who the choice was, if it was clearly HIS choice?

Then there are the daily prayers of individual christians. People looking for a sign so they know what to do. I know people who turn to God looking for guidance in EVERY choice they make (okay, maybe not ALL, but pretty darn close). Then, of course, they have to interpret the signs. If the phone rings and it's a specific person, is that a sign from God? (or just someone who happened to call, unrelated to any major life decision?) If I read something in a magazine that particularly strikes my interest, is that God trying to tell me something?

Then there are those agonizing decisions and the WAITING for the signs; the "clear direction" that gets prayed for so often. Should I marry him? should I go to this college or that one? I remember how my youth group girls were so anxious about their future and making the "RIGHT" decision....the one that God wanted them to make. If he wanted them to make a particular decision a particular way....why was he so obscure and ambiguous? Was it a test? Did they pass?

There is no doubt that a certain family in my former church are true believers. And yet the long anticipated marriage of the daughter turned into a nightmare of physical and mental abuse in short order. I'm sure they were all convinced at one point that God meant the two of them to be together till death did them part. I'm sure all the signs were there.

OOPS. That turned out to be quite a mistake. (And hers isn't the only Christian marriage that has ended up more like hell than heaven for someone who believed they were following God's will at the time). Was God wrong? Or did everyone - EVERYONE - misread the signs? And why exactly would God put them through all that? So that they would have faith in him? I'll tell you what....if I went through what that young woman went through, originally believing that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to by marrying that guy, I would have the OPPOSITE of faith in God....or at least in all the interpretations of "his will." Because obviously, they - or God - were WRONG.

Then there is the interpretation of a sign itself....if I break my arm, is God trying to teach me something? Punishing me for some sin (committed or omitted)? Is it an obstacle placed in my life that I should overcome, and hence, grow spiritually?

I guess this all falls under the heading of 'discernment', which sounds great, but who the heck knows how to discern? If this family - a pillar of the church - didn't get it right for something as serious as a marriage, then who can be trusted to discern The Truth or God's Will? To me, it just appears that God's Will and 'Signs' are as
susceptible to whims, impulses, and inclinations of the people involved as anything else in life.

Once I opened that door to the doubts I had, the floodgates opened (excuse the mixed metaphors). Again and again I learned that my questions seemed a lot more reasonable than the answers I had heard my entire life. Books by Dan Barker, Valerie Tarico, William Lobdell, and Robert Price have been invaluable to me as I've gradually, slowly, at times painfully, made my way from true believer to trusting doubter.

And I've never been more at peace.

By Alin B. ~

Born in a Christian Orthodox family, around half of 1976 somewhere in the North-Western part of Romania, I got little of spiritual experience together with my family. I never had to go to church, we went few times but never stood too much and did not got very intense.

At the age of 10 we moved and start having some problems while my father start heavy drinking. We are 4 children in the family and at that time two of my sister to escape from the super charged atmosphere in our home, married to first guys they met. So why is that important? Because the husband of one of my sister, is a strange guy. They are married for 14+ years and have 6 wonderful children. At the time they met, my sister was young and full of life and her new boyfriend also. But something changed dramatically after a little while.They moved out together in a rented house. So, one night after midnight we got some strange noise in the house where we lived at that time. The noise was actually, my newly married sister and her husband. She was sort of crying and having a strange state of exaltation, and also her husband was in a strange state of euphoria.

They both discover Jesus, and i remember clearly that he mentioned to brake a vase in their home and got a cut in his palm and the cut was in a shape of a pigeon. and they told us a story how he had a devil inside of him and trough that cut the devil came out and now he is free. My sister used to suffer from a complication in her kidneys and that night she was healed by god trough her husband... so, from here the story gets complicated.

As i already mentioned i was not too much in to faith, beliefs, gods and so on, But at a point that night, the husband of my sister forced us to listen his predictions and stories in a loud show. Me, my younger sister and my mom where sleeping in the same room and gathered beside mom in her bed crying being scared and not really understanding what was happening.

While I tried to see how can I practice honesty with myself I found that I have lots of questions unanswered which complicating my life.My father was drunk and sleeping put waked up because of the noise - he used to sleep in a different room. He got scared and took an ax and run in to the garden and climbed a tree and stood there. Well now might sound funny but at that point we all got pretty scared. The whole show took some hours and by morning my sister and her husband left us scarred and puzzled and got to their place.

Next day we had them again with us for few hours confirming what happened few hours earlier was all true and they are going to get baptized in a new church, a Protestant - Pentecostal one.

And from then on my search for gods began.

I had some girlfriends at that time, they used to go to a baptist church so i asked if i could come. They where nice and invited me. Few months later a band of Christian musicians came in our little town and I was really impressed by the atmosphere they created -- got a baseball hat from the drummer of the band, his name is Alex.. :) in few words, my life changed. I have seen hundreds of people in a hypnotic like state crying and praying out loud, very different from what i used to get in the orthodox church I used to rarely go.

So at that point I was around 14 years old.

Year by year Sunday by Sunday I got on a tour of churches, mostly Protestant ones. I talked to people. I've experienced mass euphoria and got loose on praying. Mostly I remember I was praying for wisdom; I don't know why. I thought was kind of cool at that time.

I even got to speak to a famous - don't remember his name - pastor! An American one. Then I got in touch with another one who lives in our little town. I did start to go to the Protestant churches in our little town every Sunday and got to know some of the people around.

At this point my sister was already having three babies and her problems with her kidneys came back complicating the birth-giving of their babies.

My story gets even more religious after experiencing a life and death event.

Climbing once a wall i lost the grab of my both hands and all that I had where my feet plugged in the stone wall while a piece of rock I was grabbing with both hands, broke down leaving me for 2 seconds in a very weird position holding myself only with my feet. So I remember very clear the rock coming out of the wall and not to be hit in the face by reflex, I leaned back a moment where my gravity center moved making me almost floating. By some event, I have no explanation why, I got back in equilibrium and a got grip on the wall with both hands, this time on different places. When the adrenalin was consumed, I started shaking and wondering what was that. I took this like a sign and nobody could explain that to me without giving credit to divinity. I started writing poems, some, religious ones and also start reading the bible more often.

Year after year, my family had different experiences some bad, where I did pray for help and waiting for miracles and some good ones where i was thanking god for being on my side. All this became normal, and I got used to this life, thoughts and behavior.

I met a wonderful girl and got married and part of her family was also Protestant. She is still the love of my life and at that time we were married in a Orthodox church. We had some friends visiting for the party. Some of them came from Denmark where I used to work for them and one of them gave me some advice while I was still there working: "Try be honest with yourself." I did not understood at that time what he meant, and I was also a bit offended.

Life with my wife changed a lot of me and in this process I thought to try what my friend suggested. While I tried to see how can I practice honesty with myself I found that I have lots of questions unanswered which complicating my life.

I've started reading more history and watch some documentaries about other religions.
my mind got confused and in the beginning i liked that, the mystery, and the research fever but i was getting to a point where i asked for conclusion.

At that point in my life I got a job in advertising and start seeing better the behavior of human beings and also triggers, emotions, messages…

So the part where Christianity lost me was in the beginning of this year, when having doubts i was reading some blogs and various websites to see how other people deal with situations like mine.

Things started to clarify when I was watching Benny Hinn performing on stage and i said: this is so wrong, this has nothing to do with faith, is a sad circus because plays with something delicate: hope.

So little by little I got courage and start questioning everything.

At work i have two nice colleagues, both christians and I wanted to talked to them to see what they will say about my questions. No answer, they almost got upset so i stopped.

So, three months ago, before our first baby was born we - my wife and i - decided to go to the priest from the orthodox church where we got married and we used to pay taxes and told him about our choice - to renounce to religion and to not baptize the baby. The priest was a bit disturbed but he did not dramatized the moment. The next ones where our families. They where a bit shocked but no pressure, so was good, and than at work and that was it. Neighbors and distend relatives where not involved.

Being atheist is not easy, when you live in a traditionalist society. We are not haunted or discriminated against, but we get a special relation and some people keep distance.

Friends

We did not have many, but the ones we have are OK with our decision and some of them are also non-believers.

So now instead of going to church on Sunday, we watch debates and talks with Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris. We try to see the world as it is and enjoy every moment of our lives.

Right now, my wife is asleep and also our little girl. We hope for her to get the real notion of freedom on a early age and we would try to guide her to be a good person as we struggle now for us to become.

Thanks for reading and I hope my English is readable (I got it by watching movies).

Why the Universe Is Not Designed for Us

Book by Victor J. Stenger ~

This article by Cheryl Krajna ~

A number of authors have noted that if some physical parameters were slightly changed, the universe could no longer support life, as we know it. This implies that life depends sensitively on the physics of our universe. Does this “fine-tuning” of the universe also suggest that a creator god intentionally calibrated the initial conditions of the universe such that life on earth and the evolution of humanity would eventually emerge? Some influential scientists, such as National Institutes of Health Director Francis Collins, think so. Others go even further, asserting that science “has found God.”

In this in-depth, lucid discussion of this fascinating and controversial topic, physicist Victor J. Stenger looks at the same evidence and comes to the opposite conclusion. He states at the outset that as a physicist he will go wherever the data takes him, even if it leads him to God. But after many years of research in particle physics and thinking about its implications, he finds that the observations of science and our naked senses not only show no evidence for God, they provide evidence beyond a reasonable doubt that God does not exist.

Stenger argues that many of the claims by theists are based on their misunderstanding of the science. He looks at the specific parameters and shows that plausible reasons can be found for the values they have within the existing standard models of physics and cosmology. These models are introduced in detail so that the reader has the background needed to understand the role of the parameters claimed to be fine-tuned and judge the veracity of the arguments.

Although Stenger has touched on the subject of fine-tuning in other books, this is his most thorough exploration of a topic that continues to intrigue scientists and the lay public alike.

About the author: Victor J. Stenger is adjunct professor of philosophy at the University of Colorado and emeritus professor of physics and astronomy at the University of Hawaii. He is the author of the New York Times bestseller God: The Failed Hypothesis, and many other books, including The New Atheism, Quantum Gods, The Unconscious Quantum, Has Science Found God?, The Comprehensible Cosmos, Timeless Reality, and Physics and Psychics.

By Barbara ~

I've been a visitor of ExChrstian for a couple of years now and am a fellow de-convert. I just need to put this out to people who will understand my frustration.

There is a so-called Theater production infiltrating the West Coast and they are using fear tactics and manipulation to convert young people to Christianity and they are being covert and deceitful to do it. Here is the opening post to the blog I just set up:

My college campus closed an entire parking lot, for an entire month, to allow a “theater group” called The 99 to set up their temporary theater, right before finals. That was upsetting enough, but it gets worse. Little did the college or any of the teaching staff know that The 99 is a Christian organization that uses fear and manipulation to “save souls,” (read convert people to Christianity). They present themselves as an organization concerned about teens who make “bad choices,” but their focus and their goal is to convert vulnerable young people into their religion. 

I started doing some research into The 99 and found a video of the founder, Terry Henshaw. He was speaking to a group of Christians and so he was very candid about the goal of The 99: To save this generation from hell. He revealed himself as an extremist Christian, but if you go to The 99 website, or read any of their brochures, etc., you would never know that. Strangely, after posting that video on my Facebook wall, it was taken down from Youtube and the church website where it originated. Google The 99 ! There is nothing. They are as covert as they come. I have no problem with Christians sharing their gospel. It’s a free country, but the hundreds of people that visit their event, have no idea that there will be “counseling” at the end. The 99 needs to come clean about who they are and what their goals are.

I have sent letters to the Administration of the college and now I am waiting to see what else to do. I just can't believe they are getting away with this. People need to know who real 99 is. Visit my blog if you want to know more.

Related stories:

• Not all thrilled with The 99 
• Christian Media website (Especially read the comments) 
• Evangelical group hopes to scare kids straight

By ParticleMan ~

Why does God’s plan for my missionary friends always revolve around me sending money to subsidize homeschooling their n children? (where n ≥ 3)

One the things that we agnostics / atheists tend to get upset about is when Christian friends reject us once they find out our true beliefs. I don’t want to do the same thing in reverse, so I attempt to keep up polite contacts with people I knew from my ‘true believer’ days. In the course of corresponding with them there are sometimes intense moments of reverse-schadenfreude - seeing how silly I too must have sounded to the outside world. Except sometimes I can’t laugh about it – sometimes it is downright frustrating. I’d like to write about this partly to just get some of the dissonance ‘off my chest’ and partly to seek feedback from others on this site.

None of my old Christian friends know that I am no longer a true believer anymore – I don’t live in the same town or see them personally. These are people that I was good friends with in college, e.g., through campus ministries and mission trips I went on. My only contact now is through email and Facebook. So, I really don’t see the purpose or benefit in ‘rocking’ their world by spilling my guts about how I now see everything we used to believe as a delusion. That is, unless I was to be asked directly something like “what is God teaching you these days?” or “how is your walk?” Thus far, I haven’t been asked.

I’d be interested in knowing from other people on this site: What do you do when old Christian friends write you / call you? Do you come right out and let them know you are no longer “one of them? Or do you just try to be human and civil – a friend – as long as they will allow the civil discourse? What do you do when the delusion of Christianity leads them to, unknowingly, write insulting and socially-alienating things?

The other day I got an email from a missionary friend who has been ‘led by God’ to move his ministry and family back home to the U.S. I used to support him financially when he first got started - many years ago. Like direct-mail marketing, one thing I’ve noticed is that missionaries will keep writing you forever once you’ve given them a single dime. There is always the hope, I suppose, that you will take that ‘step of faith’ and join the team. I’ve written these letters myself for short-term missions – years ago of course.

One thing that really struck me about this letter was the odd disconnection from what is socially appropriate and the apparent lack of insight about how his readers would feel. My friend proudly announced that they will be back to the U.S. in 2 months (thanks for the advance warning) and that God has led his wife to homeschool their 3 kids once they are here. Hence, because they will rely on his income only (apparently God has ruled-out her working except to homeschool their kids), they will require more support and please can we prayerfully consider whether God would have us give…you know the rest. This is a not uncommon theme – I’ve gotten numerous letters like these over the years. And here’s what bothers me.

Apparently the ‘godless’ public schools in insert country where they currently reside, are sufficient, but not those in the U.S. where the majority of his letter recipients are currently sending their kids to public school.

Even though most of the people receiving his letter are probably hard-working, two-income families like mine that are sending their kids to public school, he is saying that is not good enough for his kids. Furthermore, it is not good enough because God told them so (apparently I haven’t gotten the same command to rise above the rif-raf and start my own private school).

 So, after this implicit insult, he then proceeds to ask that we find extra money to send so that we can subsidize not his direct work, but his chosen lifestyle (homeschooling for his children).
All of this is requested without a hint that he just insulted and alienated most of his readers. This is a social-exchange that in any other context, would lead most normal people to avoid you forever, e.g., insult me because I am not living the kind of isolated-from-the-rif-raf-life that God has called him to, then ask me to support his ‘better’ life. It is dehumanizing and impersonal. So, why is it SO COMMON among Christians to write such impersonal, self-centered trash and then proudly send it out expecting great returns? Why do more Christians not find offence at this pattern of exchange? Is this just another result of believing in a magic invisible man in the sky?

By Angel of Mercy ~

I have very little experience judging things based on facts rather than circumstance, opinion, or blind belief. Often, when my reasoning faculties have failed me due to lack of practice, I am left to rely on how I feel about something as basis for my decisions. This is why, time and time again, I have been suckered into joining cult after cult only to realize that my time, energy, and money have been wasted while my return on investment was negative. I never even broke even to recover my initial investment. Most painful is the fact that I nearly lost what was most dear to me, my relationships with loved ones, as I exploited or neglected them in order to attain what I thought at the time was a greater purpose.

My mind has been trained to be gullible. [...] Traces of the disease of Christianity are left inside my mind. My upbringing in Christianity taught me to view people as so stupid, ignorant, and "sinful" that they don't know what is good for them. I was brainwashed into believing that I knew the only way to live was to die with Christ. It was my responsibility to share the "good news" with everyone I came into contact with through living by example. Thus, I find it no surprise that I was a terrible friend, daughter, sister, and lover. My goal was to manipulate people into being who I wanted them to be for me, rather than accept them for who they are. Nearly every encounter I had with people was fake. I was always selling them an idea, one that even I did not fully understand. I wasn't a real person who was vulnerable to emotion and attachment. I was a fraud --- just a shadow of who my parents, church leaders, and relatives wanted me to be. The only relationship that mattered to me was the one I had with my imaginary friend, Jesus. He was my everything.

My freshman year in college, I met a young man whose charisma, charm, and intelligence swept me away. He was so entertaining that I loved to be around him as much as possible. Anything he asked me to do, I obliged. I wanted so badly for him to like me. I believed that he was my best friend. So, when he told me about this company that was going to make us so rich that we'd be college drop-outs like Bill Gates and Sean Combs (AKA "Puff Daddy," "Puffy," "P. Diddy," and "Diddy"), I was sold. We thought it was god's will for us to prosper.

Dreams of being the star college kids who started a business from their dorm rooms with minimal financial risk enthralled us. We thought we were so smart and that we had found "the way," but we were suckers. The "business" we launched was nothing more than a chain letter in disguise. Yet, we thought this pyramid scheme was the new road to riches. We were taught by our uplines to stay away from "dream stealers," even if they were close friends or family because they would taint our vision of success. Once we made it big, they would be begging us for our forgiveness and would want to join our organization.

We held weekly meetings that were strategically designed to stop people from thinking and asking logical questions, but to feel the excitement in the room and want to sign up. I was completely uneasy with the whole thing and mentally dropped out after only a few weeks. I never signed one person or sold one product. I was a failure. Yet, that didn't stop my friend from telling everyone what a huge success I was in the company. He always introduced me as his best consultant. I led trainings and meetings as though I actually knew how to show others how to be successful. Again, I was a fraud. I lied about everything so easily that I even believed myself sometimes. My friend and I would brag all the time about how we could sell size 0 clothing to fat women. How deplorable and pathetic was I?

My friend became a major success (by the standards of that scam artist's dream of a company). He went on to build a gigantic organization of people signing up to sign up others who would sign up others --- all of them hoping to be the next big deal. He moved out of the dorms and into an extremely expensive high-rise apartment where his neighbors were congressmen and senators (one of which was then Senator Barack Obama). He paid over $4000 a month in rent, threw the biggest and hottest parties on campus, bought super nice clothes, and flew all over the country on "business trips."

I was not impressed by any of it. The glitter had worn off for me. If anything, I was hurt. After I dropped out of the company, I never heard from him unless it was specifically about why I was a loser for getting out when I did or his new this or new that. He became a nuisance as we could never talk about anything other than his company or how much money he was making and if I was sure I didn't want back in. All I ever really wanted was to be with him. I just wanted to laugh and have fun like we used to. I never once told him how I felt. I was too busy being holy.

Predictably (though then I would have never guessed it), the house of cards caved in. About 2 years after we launched the "business" together on our campus, I heard that his company had gone out of business. I called him to
offer my condolences, but he had not yet heard the news.

"What are you talking about?" he inquired, "I'm making more money than ever. I just got a huge bonus!!!"

"Oh," I replied, "maybe I heard wrong."

I hadn't. His company had gone bankrupt and I, no longer a member, had found out before he did.

You would think that this experience would have taught me to fully research any and all "business opportunities" with thorough analysis of compensation structure and bonuses, history of return on investment, interviews of current and past consultants, etc. Yet, once again, I have followed my misguided and untrained gut to my financial demise. I have traded in a chance at making a solid long-term investment for a gamble. While I did finish my degree in economics, it appears I have learned little.

I have spent over 20+ years being guided by my emotions and using the opinions of others to affirm my own beliefs. I am used to pushing away logic and reasoning, while shying away at asking tough questions of those selling to me for the sake of not embarrassing them when they do not have a concrete answer. I still believe things that sound good with no proof or evidence. My mind has been trained to be gullible. And, I fall for the promise of glory with little or no sacrifice far too often. Traces of the disease of Christianity are left inside my mind, while I grapple with the tough mental work it takes to become a thinking person of substance.

Meanwhile, the wolves circle around me salivating at the sight of a wounded animal. I am easy prey for con artists.

By Amy ~

It was one of those moments in which something fundamentally disturbing sneaks up on you before you have a chance to put your guard up. I can vividly recall each instance this has happened to me, and last night I can add another to the list.

I was stretched on the couch, reading a fabulous book and sipping on fresh coffee. I had the television on in the background, and the news had begun. For a moment, just a moment, my attention broke away from the book and caught an image on the screen. The video displayed an Afghanistan man gleefully smacking two rocks together, a wide grin on his face. He looked like he was preparing for something quite fun and exciting, the look of anticipation in his eyes. The announcer then matter-of-factly proclaims that women’s rights in Afghanistan are still abysmal as evidenced by this stoning of an Afghan woman for alleged adultery. The video then flashes to a woman huddled in her black robes, completely hidden in heavy folds of cloth as the crowd surrounds her, ready to bludgeon her to death...with glee. I madly fumble for the remote, my heart pounding and tears welling up. I flash the TV off but the damage was done. I wasn’t ready for that, I wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared and the image is now lodged deep in my psyche. The wall wasn’t up and I will now always see the face of a man grinning, clapping the rocks together in anticipation.

Now, to any person in western culture, this act is horrific and an abomination. Any Christian, any pastor would shrink at the idea of stoning someone to death. Yet these horrific laws are an integral part of the Christian faith itself. God’s so-called perfect laws provides bountiful opportunity to kill someone in a most violent, slow and horrific manner.

Deuteronomy 22:23-24:

If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city.

Deuteronomy 22:13-21:

If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die.

Numbers 15:32-56:

They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. ... And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones.... And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

A pastor once told me that this demonstrates just how serious sin really is, and how merciful God is when this is clearly what humanity deserves. I ask him to imagine it. Imagine regular violent deaths occurring at the hands of friends and family. Imagine children seeing their loved ones bludgeoned by their neighbours. Imagine actually throwing the stone at some poor woman’s skull. Would you gleefully clap the rocks together, waiting for your favourite Sunday activity? Nothing like a good stoning before a pot-luck supper. And yet this pastor, earnest and intelligent, just looks at me with the light turned off. I can see his eyes lose focus, as he searches for something that will mollify me, rather than actually imagine what this so-called “light of the earth” society was truly like. This society that was to be a beacon of God’s love to the whole earth looked a lot like modern day Afghanistan under Taliban law. And if god’s command to “Put the evil away from you” is necessary, for argument’s sake, then why is such a brutal and bloody manner necessary? Why doesn’t god stop their heart as soon as the accused is deemed guilty? Why doesn’t god do his own dirty work in the most painless way possible, rather than forcing violence on men from the hands of men?

I am nauseated with the old-testament atrocities committed in the name of I AM. And so, I am left with a horrible feeling in my stomach, knowing that people on this earth still suffer under such atrocious laws. I am nauseated with the old-testament atrocities committed in the name of I AM. And I am sick with disappointment in so many Christian friends that refuse to see the horror for what it is and make excuses for their god.

By Carl S. ~

One might conjecture that the realities of human life are like a 20th century symphony, with dissonances and unexpected changes in tempo, rhythm, dynamics, and melodies; vast and lengthy, overflowing and enwrapping everything. Life is made up of variations on the themes of atoms, DNA and RNA. Evolution is not only the greatest show on Earth, but the song of Nature.

Societies have their own themes, dogmas, philosophies, and stories - all evolving, adapting in attempts to answer the age-old questions which keep aggravating humans. Like the themes used in a symphony, sometimes they are modified, re-introduced, rejected eventually, only to turn up again later as new information and ideas arise.

Consider the edifices built on the beliefs of the divine powers of kings and priests and gods: temples, cathedrals, pyramids, palaces and the like. Rising to crescendos in glorious harmony and splendor, they eventually are destroyed or fall into ruins, the result of indifference, ravages of time, enemies. Is this theme indicative of the eventual endings of religions? No longer must the seeker of employment have to build these edifices in order to sustain his life and that of his family, as in the past. God beliefs were never a good reason for their construction. A building is only a building, no matter what label is on it. Gods do not need them. Religious organisms have been sporadic and a Frankensteinian construction from the body parts of older religions, a veritable DNA-style stew of primordial superstitions. While the songs of vanquished religions are ended, their melodies linger on; sometimes even those one hates.

Recently, I read a book on England's King Henry VIII, which was more about his character and times than dry history. As the author states, "There are three positions, it has been said, in which a man can stand in association with whatever he considers to be his god - moral, physical, or ritual." Henry's religious conscience, probably typical of the believers of his time, was powerfully Old Testament-based, a matter of rewards and punishments resulting from one's own good or bad actions toward God - but ritual deeply affected the outcome of these actions. Ritual, both in court and church, became all-important; so important that one might wonder if "moral" figured at all in his decisions. Henry bargained with his god and clergy for blessings: male progeny, wives, and conquest over his physical, religious and psychological enemies or potential enemies. (These are likewise the OT themes of God's chosen people and the psalmists).

Something about Henry's struggles with religion struck a chord in me. Where had I heard these tunes before? They were in Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' book, "On Death and Dying," as the five stages of dealing with one's demise: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I think all the themes of all religions are comprised of these. There is the denial of a finality to one's existence, denials that a loving god may not exist as millions around you perish in plagues; the anger when that god punishes you and yours casually; the bargaining, especially through prayer, petition and penance, to delay, allay or avoid suffering and death; the depression of despair as one doubts that god even exists, based on overwhelming evidence, and then there is an acceptance that the god has a plan and that everything is ultimately for the best.

When one feels he has no control over his situation, one petitions someone who is supposedly in control. The true believers, like Henry VIII, live in the firm conviction that God can be coaxed by prayer and ritual into granting the wishes of man. This is a very old tune; the Egyptian priests did the same, with rigid rituals and precise words. The RC church uses contract-prayers, based on Roman legal contracts. (And does, "Ask anything in my name and it will be given to you," sound familiar?)

Those persistent and intractable rituals, those superstitions, are like melodies you can't get out of your head! Or society's, either. They don't work, don't make sense, and, as Aldous Huxley put it, “Stupid things can be said and accepted without thinking about the words - if they're tuneful.”

Henry VIII played ritual and bargaining games with his god, and he played the clergy. BUT, the clergy played him, too, because they set up the rules, for the most part. He was a practical man. There was no practical value in believing some of the foolish things in his religion, but there is value in exploiting those who do. In this, he and the clergy were together. The "Henrys" are all around us, even today, never on a secure footing with their deities, despite incantations, rituals, denials, penances, atonements, pleas and prayers. Talk about "depression!" (My father would pray the rosary every day and observe the novenas - as a guaranteed way to keep from going to hell, according to his church's teaching. Did not Henry practice his own versions, for his own "salvation?")

The themes and songs for believers are [...] handpicked by the god experts, and adapted by them for their societies, to seem like they're natural to the believer's personality; implanted there so that they "know in their hearts” that what they’ve been taught is true!The themes and songs for believers are not from within, but are instead handpicked by the god experts, and adapted by them for their societies, to seem like they're natural to the believer's personality; implanted there so that they "know in their hearts” that what they’ve been taught is true! Are not belief systems implanted neuroses?

Every culture has music; for celebrations, seduction, mourning, communication, community, longing, and entertainment. And every culture has religion. For thousands of years, spokesmen of the gods have been like Pied Pipers, leading the flocks, orchestrating the decisions of kings, other heads of state, and the mass "faithful," on what to believe, how to think, and what to think about. They have led the band into wars, orchestrating the torture and death of millions with their mesmerizing melodies.

It's about time people stopped listening to that music. For a growing few, there is now a peaceful silence; all the gods have been discredited, including the best known one. Long overdue is the time to have a final dirge for gods and a pyre for their spokesmen's traditional powers. As Alice exclaimed, "You're nothing but a pack of cards!" Now are the days for anti-hymns; the time for lyrics to Buckminster Fuller's, "I am a verb," and a time to put music to Robert Ingersoll's "The clergy know that I know that they know that they do not know.”. What a nice rhythm those words have!

In the immortal words of a Mama Cass song, it's time to "make your own kind of music, sing your own special song."

By summerbreeze ~

Little Sophie is a lamb that was the last to be born of twins.

The mother Ewe had a hard time delivering Sophie, and when she was born she was not breathing. My Daughter had to use her 'lamb smarts' and do mouth to mouth, cleaning all the passage ways, then take the little lamb by its hind "ankles" and gently swing it back and forth while being held upside-down.

Finally Sophie started breathing.

Staying in the sheep barn all night, after the births, my exhausted daughter slept with her head on a bale of hay. The next morning brought a grim sight. Mother Ewe would not let Sophie nurse, instead she would head-butt the tiny lamb, sending it cartwheeling across the pen.

For four whole weeks my Daughter bottle fed the lamb every two hours, night and day.
Having a job where she works at home, made it easier for her, however she was bone tired just trying to get through the days.

On Mother's Day we went to the fundamentalist church that my Daughter and Son-In-Law attend.

My Granddaughter wanted Sophie to go too, so they put the lamb in a babies play pen that was outside, near the church door. A teenager from church helped her to "babysit".

Upon leaving the Mother's Day service, people gushed and cooed over Sophie

"Praise the Lord that she survived"

"You can thank Jesus for her being alive"

(and my favorite :

"The Lord loves animals so much, he just couldn't stand by and see her suffering so he rescued her"

All these things being said as my sleepy, red eyed Daughter stood there, ready to keel over.

What I'd like to know, is where in the bible did they get the inkling that their Lord loved animals ? ?
Were they reading a different bible ?

Genesis chapters 6 & 7

".....infants and animals drowned in unimaginable terror and agony."
Exodus 9:5

"God killed all of the Egyptian livestock with a plague"
Exodus 9:10

"God sent a plague of festering boils on the people and animals"
Deuteronomy 20:13-14

"God laid down the rules.....slaughter livestock..."
Judges 20:43-48

"....to the sword, including the animals.."
1 Samuel 15:7-8 "...do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep ( poor Sophie! ) and camels and donkeys."

Isn't it amazing how "The Lord", who sits on his lazy do-nothing ass, gets all the credit and praise for the hard exhausting work that we humans put forth here on earth ! ?

If christians out there had a boss, who got all the glory and kudos from the sweat off THEIR backs, then turned around and expected undying adulation from them....how long do you think that they'd stay in that job ?

P.S.---little Sophie is thriving, in spite of having a bad mom and a bad "FATHER" !

By Adam ~

As I sit here writing these very words, I’m listening to what many Christian would consider being New Age music, drinking a wonderful and refreshing alcoholic beverage, and talking with friends on Facebook about burning incense for calming and meditative purposes.

What a journey I have been through, to end where I am now.

I remember praying earnestly and sincerely to god that I wouldn’t lose my faith. That my faith would continue to grow by leaps and bounds, that my entire life would be in devotion and loving sacrifice to him.

I remember soaking up the bible and then similarly forcing it down other’s throats. I remember speaking in a crazy mumbo-jumbo and calling it the purest form of prayer – tongues. I remember being convinced by my old church, believing whole heartedly, that Dinosaur bones were planted by Satan to draw people from the truth of Christianity.

I remember hearing at the pulpit what to wear, what to do, what to listen to, what to say, how to pray, how to worship, and how to go about my life in a service of devotion to god; but, at the same time, being told I could never measure up to this god that I was devoting my entire life to.

I remember being told how within me there was nothing good. That I was deemed for an eternity in hell unless I gave my life to Jesus. That at the very core I was sinful, but god died for me anyway. That I could never measure up to the standards of god, but should try anyway.

Most of all, I remember two times I needed my god most, the two times I whole-heartedly stepped out in faith and utter believe, were indeed the two most atrocious times in my life to date.

I remember being on the floor of my dorm room: crying, shaking, and calling out for help while hugging my worn bible like a comforting teddy bear.

I remember the silence.

There was nothing from god. When I needed him most, there was utter silence.

This is when something broke inside of me. It was my faith being broken, the beliefs that I held for years that suddenly came crashing down, like the crack of a whip.

I remember the silence.

The silence: of those people who wanted nothing more to do with me, once I had nothing to offer. The silence: of those people whom I had once loved, and entrusted my entire life with. The people worshipping, praying, and serving a church that turned away when I needed encouragement and love the most.

A church that told me this was exactly where god wanted me.

If god wanted me: broken, suffering, with no confidence, depressed, full of anxiety, fearful, lost in the world, and suicidal – he received it.

I made the conscious decision to step away from the lies and the road to death. I stepped into the light.

My purpose now?

Truth, happiness, joy, love, peace, courage, honor, fun, respect, tolerance, respect, and to live life to the fullest.

So god…thanks for the silence.

By James A. Haught ~

Osama bin Laden achieved a remarkable feat: He mobilized the power of religion to spur devout young men to kill themselves in order to murder defenseless strangers. Grotesquely, the suicide-killers felt they were performing holy acts that would please God and assure them martyr rewards in paradise.

The annals of faith-based killing are long: human sacrifice, the Crusades, the Inquisition, witch-hunts, Reformation wars, drowning of Anabaptists, jihads, pogroms against Jews, China's Taiping Rebellion, Mexico's Cristero War, cult horrors, abortion clinic murders, and many modern ethnic conflicts fueled by "religious tribalism." A new phase was led by bin Laden, who orchestrated the 21st-century phenomenon of Islamic suicide-bombing. Mercifully, his personal chapter ended when Navy Seals stormed his Asian hideout on May 1.

The modern Islamic "cult of death" -- the worst menace of current times -- baffles most Westerners. Logical minds cannot comprehend why idealistic young men, and a few women, volunteer to sacrifice their lives to slaughter unsuspecting, unarmed folks. It makes no sense. Pundit Anthony Lewis wrote: "There is no way to reason with people who think they will go directly to heaven if they kill Americans." Columnist William Safire said the volunteers do it because their "normal survival instinct is replaced with a pseudo-religious fantasy of a killer's self-martyrdom leading to an eternity in paradise surrounded by adoring virgins." Columnist David Brooks wrote that the bizarre phenomenon is "about massacring people while in a state of spiritual loftiness."

These fanatics lack normal empathy for fellow humans. While in foreign lands or amid dissimilar ethnic groups, they don't see surrounding families as affectionate mothers, fathers and children, but as "infidels" deserving death. If the suicide-killers ever acquire nuclear devices, the unthinkable will be upon humanity.

The raid that ended bin Laden culminated a three-decade saga of "blowback." Inadvertently, the Reagan-Bush White House in the 1980s unwittingly helped ignite the Muslim terror movement that now hurts America. Here's the record:

In the late 1970s, radical reformers seized power in Afghanistan and created a Western-style government that began educating girls. Horrified, Muslim extremists and armed tribes rebelled. One of the rebel leaders was warlord Gulbuddin Hekmatyar, an extremist known for throwing acid on unveiled schoolgirls while he was in college.

Such mujahideen (holy warriors) were on the brink of toppling the new Afthan government when the Soviet Union sent its Red Army in 1979 to suppress the uprising. Globally, the Cold War was seething. To damage the Soviets, the Reagan administration secretly sent the CIA to arm, train and pay the rebel tribes to kill Russians. Hekmatyar's group got millions of U.S. dollars.

Meanwhile, ardent young Muslims from many lands rushed to Afghanistan to join the "holy war." One was Osama bin Laden, 17th son of a rich Saudi contractor who had a dozen wives. A pious Wahabbi Muslim, bin Laden used his wealth to recruit and pay fighters.

The combined CIA-zealot resistance worked. The Russians were driven out and Afghanistan's modern government was crushed. Warlords like Hekmatyar took over, but soon fought among each other. Then an Islamic student group, the Taliban, seized control and created a cruel theocracy that stoned women to death and inflicted other extreme Puritanical strictures.

Covertly, bin Laden assembled numerous former Afghan volunteers into a shadowy international network, al-Qaida, dedicated to waging jihad (holy war) against the West. His suicidal operatives helped kill U.S. soldiers in Somalia in 1993, blow up two U.S. embassies in Africa in 1998, and bomb the USS Cole in 2000.

Bin Laden issued a fatwa (sacred edict) calling on "every Muslim who believes in God and hopes for reward to obey God's command to kill the Americans and plunder their possessions wherever he finds them and whenever he can." He was indicted by U.S. authorities and put on international "most wanted" lists.

Then 19 al-Qaida suicide volunteers perpetrated the historic atrocity of Sept. 11, 2001, when they hijacked airliners and crashed them into U.S. landmarks, killing 3,000 Americans. It was the most horrifying day in the memory of most U.S. residents.

The holy killers left behind a testament they had shared among themselves, saying they were doing it for God: "Know that the gardens of paradise are waiting for you in all their beauty," they assured each other, "and the women of paradise are waiting, calling out, 'Come hither, friend of God.' They have dressed in their most beautiful clothing."

Idiocy. Infantilism. It's sickening to realize that 3,000 unsuspecting Americans died because of this adolescent male fantasy. To believe that God wants mass murder is lunacy. As famed British biologist Richard Dawkins wrote:

"The 19 men of 9/11 -- having washed, perfumed themselves and shaved their whole bodies in preparation for the martyr's paradise -- believed they were performing the highest religious duty. By the lights of their religion, they were as good as it is possible to be. They were not poor, downtrodden, oppressed or psychotic; they were well-educated, sane and well-balanced, and, as they thought, supremely good. But they were religious, and that provided all the justification they needed to murder and destroy."

The mastermind of this crackpottery is dead in a hail of Navy Seals gunfire. But the suicide-martyr phenomenon he fostered probably will continue impelling idealistic young men to sacrifice their lives in massacres.

Bin Laden wasn't the sole creator of the Islamic cult of death. His Egyptian partner, Ayman al-Zawahiri, pioneered it in the 1990s. Since then, many far-flung Muslim extremist groups adopted suicide-bombing -- often using it on fellow Muslims of opposing sects, or against disapproved Islamic governments. Some researchers list as many as 17,000 Muslim terror attacks since the 9/11 horror, with a total body count beyond 60,000 victims. That's an average of five murder missions per day -- so many that news media ignore smaller assaults. The phenomenon has a boundless supply of righteous-feeling volunteers eager to throw away their lives to kill for God and their faith.

As Nobel Prize-winning physicist Steven Weinberg said:

"For good people to do evil things, it takes religion."

( Haught is editor of West Virginia's largest newspaper, The Charleston Gazette, and is author of two books on religious violence: Holy Horrors: An Illustrated History of Religious Murder and Madness, and Holy Hatred: Religious Conflicts of the '90s. )

By Peter ~

I was 61 years old when I had my "Eureka" moment. The realisation that I had not stopped to think and open my eyes, and my mind, came as a thrilling surprise. My only disappointment was that I had hidden the truth and ignored the facts for so long.

I was born, baptised and raised as a Catholic, served as an altar boy, and became a Godfather to several children. My mother was a convert to Catholicism and being a wise and intelligent person I guess I just followed her lead. Her basic message was, have faith, do not question. I was born in England, UK, but was taken to South Africa aged 1 and returned to England on my 16th birthday. The church had been a champion of Human Rights against the Apartheid regime and was a conduit for peaceful protest against the government. Also the Mass was always said in Latin and this allowed the mystery to survive in my mind. When the Latin was dropped in the late 1960's (?) the full meaning of the scriptures was more plainly revealed and to be honest I did start to have some doubts. But because of my upbringing and the fact that nearly everybody seemed to believe in God, I just went along with the flow, in spite of my creeping doubts. Ignorance is bliss. My two children were baptised as Catholics but the "magic" of going to church was beginning to wain. I had doubts in the existence of a personal god but still hung on to belief in a Higher Power. By the age of 40 I stopped going to church.

Jesus Christ had some very wise things to say - but so did many others in history and his and their wisdom is not lost. After drifting along for the next twenty years I started to take an interest in Evolution. However the truth only dawned on me after reading two most enlightening books. God is not Great - how religion poisons everything, by Christopher Hitchens, and The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. All I can say is WOW!, the light poured in, the burden of faith was lifted and the pure wonderfulness of my existence became clear to me. Forget about hoping for a better life after death. This is it and make the very most of it. Ultimately you will become what you were before you were born i.e. non existent. The chances of living are zillions to one - Be grateful and stop depending on a non existent prop. If you have any doubts at all I recommend reading The Greatest Show on Earth - the Evidence for Evolution by Richard Dawkins who is a brilliant zoological scientist. Also Breaking the Spell by Daniel C Dennett. And many, many more.

Jesus Christ had some very wise things to say - but so did many others in history and his and their wisdom is not lost.

Equally there are some very unpleasant religious texts - and some very unpleasant people. Our human morality, and sense of justice are innate and do not depend on any God, just as there are deeply religious and non religious people who are pretty evil and self serving.

By Charles ~

Well, I thought that this day will never come. I know your website from a while, but I was thinking that you were just a bunch of crazy people, really angry with God, religion and christians. Sorry about that...

My story...well, everything started 16 years ago, when I started attending an evangelical church. My first few weeks in the church were OK, then someone asked me if I have received Jesus as saviour. I thought: "No, that I'm aware", but to them I says yes....so I guess I've started my Christian journey with a lie.

I went to different churches, denominations, I went to theological college, etc.. my life was full of ups and downs, moments of doubts, etc... I thought that that was pretty normal for a young Christian who need to growth. I went to the brethren church, Pentecostal, Baptist, Presbyterian, etc..Every time the story was the same…if I was attending a church very faithfully I was a very mature and spiritual Christian, but when I was going to difficult times or when I was asking tricky questions, I was a immature and selfish person. mmmm

During these years I was trying to get my life sorted...I'm a chef but I always refused to work on a Sunday because they told that it's the Lord's day and a Christian shouldn't work on a Sunday. I missed lots of opportunities because of that. What a pity!

I always had lots and lots of sexual urges (as normal for a healthy man) but they the church always says that any sexual activities outside a marriage was a sin. That includes masturbation of course...one pastor once said that masturbation it's a form of homosexuality...rubbish!

I never had any sex until I was 34...my first time was a disaster, because I was full of sense of guilty. Before we started I even ask god to forgive me. But then 2 weeks ago I had a beautiful sex experience with a friend of mine. And guess what, I didn’t have any sense of guilt! I was happy!

At the moment I’m struggling with a lot of doubts about almost everything:

• 30.000 denominations
• Doctrine of Hell and eternal punishment
• Hate between certain denomination
• Pessimistic view of the future: believing that God is going to destroy the earth it’s not very challenging for us compare to the possibility that God is going to restore the earth.
• Pessimistic approach of the faith

I’m here to learn from you. I respect you and I hope that you’ll respect the little bit of faith that I still have.

By Marlene Winell ~

The description on YouTube:

On the occasion of Camping's "Judgment Day" prediction of May 21, Dr. Winell and Tracy Williams discuss the psychological implications of these end times doctrines. This is part of a day-long podcast on The God Discussion. Marlene and Tracy also explain RTS, or Religious Trauma Syndrome, as a real condition similar to PTSD. Religious indoctrination in a repressive, authoritarian religion can be serious child abuse with life-long emotional consequences. Many people are taking steps to recover and there is help available. Go to journeyfree.org for more information and resources.

Dear ExChristian reader,

What are your memories of being taught about the "End Times"? Were you looking forward to the rapture, afraid about the tribulation, scared you would be left behind, etc? Did you ever think you were left? What's it like for you now? Do you ever have panic attacks or get worried when bad things happen and you think it's a sign of the end?

I'm interested in your responses because I want to know what the long-term consequences are for people who are taught this end-times theology.

Thanks in advance,
Marlene Winell
journeyfree.org