By Marlene Winnell ~ R ecently in our online  Release & Reclaim support group  (which has multiple monthly meetings over Zoom as well as a large community of deconstructing folks in our forums) we had a conversation about existential panic.  One member posed this simple question: “Is anyone else hitting the existential crisis part of this recovery process?”  And from there, an incredibly nuanced discussion ensued. Jocelyn  (*all names have been changed to protect the identities of members, and all who are quoted gave their permission)  expressed a nagging, post-religion feeling of dread, that “nothing is real, and there would be no reason for living if there is no life after this one. I know this is due to a loss of Christian identity, but the fear and pain of this loss is enormous.” Andres agreed: “It’s been difficult accepting that there isn’t some grand cosmic purpose to this life.” Kara said the struggle to find meaning and worth feels similar to ...

By Marlene Winell ~  A fter going through your own deconstruction of religious belief, it can feel like a challenge to reveal your change to your religious parents.   You might have a lot of fear about their reaction – anger, hurt, disappointment in you, and so on.   You might fear being disowned.   This is a common concern because our families mean a lot to us.   It’s natural to want approval from your parents.   When you were young, you depended on them for your life; you absolutely needed their love, care, and approval.   So, even in adulthood, we long for our parents to love us unconditionally.     However, in terms of human development over the life span,  it is necessary for   everyone   to outgrow their parents.   Growing up to maturity involves becoming the authority in your own life and taking on the job of self-care and self-love.   This is true even if you aren’t recovering from religion.   Personal h...

By Dr. Marlene Winell ~ L eaving my faith was a very slow process. I was raised by missionary parents and was devoutly religious for my entire childhood. Journal entries from my college years reveal swings between anguished frustration and renewed faith. I heaped blame for the problems on myself, looked to God for help, and thanked him for any improvements in my life. In my everyday life, I lived with enormous guilt and frustration over not being the person I thought I should be. Good things were always due to God, and failures were always mine. Looking back, I can see that self-respect was a near impossibility. Like a lost child, when I left I had to reconstruct reality. I had to examine and recreate so many assumptions: about the meaning of life, the world, myself, others, the past, present, and future. I eventually became a therapist, and it has been my great joy to help others to recover from the harm they experienced as a result of religious upbringing. After years of...

From Dr. Marlene Winell ~ Announcing our 2022 Religious Recovery Retreat! Join us in-person December 8-11. Pack your bags, we're off to beautiful Nine Mountain Retreat Center in western Massachusetts for a long weekend designed to support recovery from Religious Trauma Syndrome. We're thrilled to offer this in-person opportunity where folks can disconnect from daily pressures, share personal stories, examine the effects of past indoctrination, and learn strategies for recovery. The program will include short presentations, discussion, and structured activities with activities like art, drama, music, and movement. We will also have time to socialize with like-minded people over delicious meals, hiking, or enjoying the hot-tub! Go HERE for more information . After registration, you will get more details and a questionnaire to complete. Space is limited, reserve your spot below!  Register Today The retreat is led by Dr. Marlene Winell, psychologist and author of Leaving The...

By Marlene Winell ~ A t this time of year it’s hard to avoid dealing with the differences you have with your family. If you are a “reclaimer” (reclaiming your life after being religious) who has been raised in a religious household, holiday times can be very uncomfortable when other family members are still devout. Having worked through these issues with many clients, here are a few guidelines that might be helpful.  I’ll start by suggesting you write in a journal, starting now and continuing through the holidays. This can help you sort through jumbled thoughts and emotions, stay on track with how you are trying to handle things, take care of yourself, and learn. There are exercises here to prompt your thinking. In general, if you plan to be with family at this time, it helps a great deal to approach the holidays with a high level of consciousness. In other words, don’t just blindly go home for Christmas, hoping it will be fine. What do you really expect it might be l...