The End Is Nigh!

By WizenedSage (Galen Rose) ~

I submitted the following for the Letters-to-the-Editor page of a local weekly newspaper. It was not printed. Why? Well, I don’t know really, but my best guess is that I provided way too much evidence that Jesus didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, or . . . maybe the editor didn’t care for my calling religious superstition a menace. Most of my submissions do get published, but now and then, I guess I push just a little too hard. Anyway, I thought some of you might find it moderately entertaining.

The End Is Nigh!

Did you know that the end is nigh? No, really! This time it’s for sure, according to preacher Harold Camping, President of Family Radio. Camping says Jesus will return on May 21, 2011 and the world will end five months later on October 21. Billboards paid for by supporters of Family Radio are promoting the prediction in major cities like Nashville, Louisville, St. Louis and Detroit.

Of course, Camping is not the first to predict the end of the world. That has been done hundreds of times in just the past couple thousand years, and Jesus is famous for it. In Mark 13:30, after detailing events he believed would lead up to the end of the world, Jesus says, “Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away before all these things take place.” So, Jesus predicted the end would come before all those of his own generation had died . . . 2,000 years ago. He makes it doubly clear that he meant his return and the end of the world would be SOON when he says in Matt 10:23, “When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next; for truly, I say to you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel, before the Son of man comes.”

In fact, there are at least 20 passages in the New Testament in which Jesus or one of his followers declares the end of the world will be “soon.” It is one of the major messages of the New Testament. Here are just a dozen you can check out yourself: Mark 9:1, Mark 14:62, Rom 13:12, 1 Cor 7:31, Phil 4:5, 1 Matt 16:28, Hebrews 10:37, James 5:8, 1 John 2:18, Rev 1:1, Rev 3:11, Rev 22:6. (How the meek are to inherit the world if it’s about to end soon, is never made clear.)

Now some theologians have argued that to a god, to Jesus, a thousand years might be like a day, or “soon.” However, since the bible was obviously written for the instruction of man, and no man would interpret a thousand years to be “soon,” this argument can’t be taken seriously.

Since every one of those biblical passages cited above got it wrong, it should be obvious that the bible is not a reliable source of information concerning the end of the world. Then there is the common sense argument: if people have been repeatedly predicting the end of the world for thousands of years, and every single one of those predictions has been wrong, it makes little sense to think Harold Camping or anyone else is going to get it right. We are obviously dealing with the unknowable here. Yet, distressingly, according to a Pew Forum survey in 2006, 20% of Americans believe that Jesus will return to the earth in their lifetime.

But, why not just let people believe whatever they want to believe? Why do I care? The problem is that people act on their beliefs, and those actions affect the rest of us. If a person thinks the end of the world is imminent, why would she bother to go to college, or care anything about global warming, or saving endangered species? Why polish the brass on a sinking ship? Those who believe the end is near will ignore the world’s very real problems, and may even impede the efforts of those trying to solve those problems. We all pay a price for their failure to recognize superstition for the menace it is.

Another "stalemate"

By Dethblight ~

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother... then I remember sites like this and the testimonials they contain about how the seed of doubt was planted. The following is a facebook conversation I had with a friend of mine (we'll call him "L")who for a long time was largely atheistic/ agnostic/ "I don't really care about religion", but then was "saved" a few years ago.

L:"It’s especially cool that Will Smith is developing the project ($$$), will produce the project ($$$), and is planning to cast a minor over whose income he has full legal control ($$$). It’s just fun stuff.- gabe from videogum.com. (he's also a scientoligist (lololol forever)) so this guy is using his children to get "audit" money for his family. what a dirtbag cult loser"

Responses from his other friends.

L: "Sorry I don't believe misleading money sapping cults should be allowed. I think the people who "audit" should be dragged into the street and beat to death for leading people to believe that "angry alien spirits" cause cancer and religion and all the worlds problems. They should have to give all their info for free. It shouldn't cost 400,000 dollars to get "cleared""

More friend responses.

L: "Its hurting the people who had loved ones waste their money on a obvi fake story. The murders they cover up. Lies lies lies. You don't hate lies mom? You don't hate murder without justice? I know I get a lil excited sometimes. And obvi I don't want anyone to be beat to death. But there isn't an excuse for us. We let this go on cause people wanna be PC and get along. Mormons and the church of latter day saints are just as guilty. Your doctine is see through and fake and duh."

L: "So stop it scientology. Stop it."

Me: " no less believable than the invisible man in the sky impregnating virgins with his mind, turning family members into zombies (wonder if that's where stephen king got his inspiration for pet sematary? lol), noah's ark, etc. etc. or any other story from any other religion. and they are all just as guilty of abusing their power and hurting people"

L: "Relax man. Just bash cults here please. No need to be mean."

Me: "haha, not trying to come across as mean or angry (cuz I'm not) just making a point :)"

L: "I think comparing christianity to scientology is kind of rude. Its not so much about credibility. More about time and tradition."

Me: "Well, time /tradition don't make something inherently better than something new. For instance, when the American colonies bucked time/ tradition and left the British Empire. However, based on things YOU said, I was under the impression that it WAS about credibility/ immoral practices:

"I don't believe misleading money sapping cults should be allowed"

- Well, Christianity is a cult ( http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cult ) but cult status aside, they have been "sapping" people's money for a long, long time.

"I think the people who audit should be dragged into the street and beat to death for leading people to believe that angry alien spirits cause cancer and religion and all the worlds problems"

- Christianity uses equally ridiculous scapegoats. Some popular ones are Satan, Jews, and homosexuals. And rather than being dragged into the street and being beaten for causing people to have these beliefs, they are doing the dragging and beating to said scapegoats.

"They should have to give all their info for free"

- For a very long time the church (all christian churches of the time, not just the RCC) engaged in similar practices. Knowledge was restricted to the clergy, and then the clergy would use their knowledge / their followers' ignorance to extract money bwo indulgences.

"Your doctine is see through and fake and duh."

- Myself and many others feel the same way about christianity... but I thought we weren't discussing credibility? ;)

"I'm not saying that Christianity is any LESS believable or moral than any other, I was merely trying to point out that ALL religions are EQUALLY ridiculous and corrupt. I am not being mean, I am being honest. And if there's one thing that's missing from any and all religions, it's open and honest dialog."

"Also, how is comparing the two rude? Which definition of rude are you using (there's 5+), and how does comparing the two fit that definition?"

L: "Oh jeeZ. Forget it chris."

End of conversation.

So there you have it... when I came back with what I thought to be a rational, thought-out response specifically designed to do nothing except to say "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. your house is glass. you are holding rocks. there are broken windows everywhere." the response is "let's not talk about this."

"Aha!" Moments

By Thinks4Herself ~

Even though I was raised in a relaxed Christian home, it has taken me over 20 years to admit I'm a nonbeliever and much effort to shake indoctrination. Although I now consider myself to be a satisfied and happy secular humanist, I'm still working to snip the last religious tentacles away that were deeply embedded within my mind. I continually have "Aha!" moments. For example, so many things I was taught in my youth I accepted at face value and never with a critical mind. Recently, it struck me powerfully and stunningly how absurd it would be to punish, torture, and execute a child in order to remove the "sin" from another child and forever make the "wrong-doing" child feel guilty.

Image by DING52 via Flickr

Then, on top of that horror, order the sinful and now shamed child to both love and worship me and also be afraid of my power to send him or her to hell for eternity. How is that moral, fair, just, loving, or logical? Is that not tyranny and the opposite of allowing "free will?" Is that loving? Why would an all-powerful god not find a better to way to educate his children? What "sin" could a person commit that would EVER justify the execution of another, completely innocent person?

Then I began to ponder all the BLOOD throughout the bible and became even more disgusted. It's creepier to me now than it already had been. I was left pondering for days why this never occurred to me before and why in the past I swallowed this stuff like it was awesome, normal, and even loving behavior? I want to regurgitate and spit back all those communion wafers and "blood" I drank! Whoa! I feel deceived over and over again and wish that religious people would STOP teaching little children that scapegoating and blood sacrifice are great things, or that they are so "sinful" that only the blood of an innocent person can cleanse them!

The journey from this disturbing darkness continues and with each step I feel only the better for it!

Casting new series for former religious

Hello there,

I am an Associate Producer with a New York City Production Company and we are working on a new series about couples dealing with issues with their In-Laws. I am reaching out to the former Christian community because we would like to devote an episode to a couple looking for acceptance from their parents/ In-Laws who do not share the same belief system.

The show is being produced by a major cable television network. The show aims to treat everyone involved with respect and understanding. It is handles tough issues as light heartedly as possible, and everything is produced in the spirit of reconciliation! Travel costs are covered by the production and any families involved will be compensated for their time.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Amy Cummings

545 8th Avenue
Suite 14 South
NY, NY 10018
212- 564-2607 ex. 2339
212- 967-7573 fax

Age of Humanity

By Oktober ~

Ages are believed by some astrologers to affect mankind while other astrologers believe the ages correlate to the rise and fall of mighty civilizations and cultural tendencies. Aquarius traditionally “rules” electricity, computers, flight, democracy, freedom, humanitarianism, idealists, modernization, astrology, nervous disorders, rebels and rebellion.[5] Other keywords and ideas believed associated with Aquarius are nonconformity, philanthropy, veracity, perseverance, humanity and irresolution. The appearance or elevation in status of many of these Aquarian developments over the last few centuries is considered by many astrologers to indicate the proximity of the Aquarian age. There is no uniform agreement about the relationship of these recent Aquarian developments and the Age of Aquarius. Some astrologers believe that the influence of a New Age is experienced before it arrives because of a cuspal effect or Orb of Influence. Other astrologers believe the appearance of Aquarian developments, indicate the actual arrival of the Age of Aquarius. (Wikipedia)

Not that I put my full faith in anything related to the zodiac, but I certainly find it interesting as my generation is gradually making the shift towards humanism. Leaving religion in the dust may seem like a trend, but surging on a deeper level is the river of logic and understanding. Debunking myths, old traditions, historical falsities, childhood belief systems (or adult belief systems for that matter)… all of these things point in the direction of asserting objection.

I was taught never to question anything, and the rebel in me couldn’t hold on to that much past 15 years old. That’s when I questioned the tenets of the fucked up religion I was dragged into at age 10.

I grew up Christian. My mother wasn’t always a Christian when she was off traipsing around foreign countries and obtaining lovers. (When I look at the photos of her and a couple gentlemen, she claims they were just ‘dear friends,’ but the look in their eyes indicate otherwise. Sometimes you just know). Somewhere in the time when she immigrated to Canada - lugging her crystal ball and tarot cards - and when she met her friend R, she became a full-blown, pentecostal/evangelical Christ-believer.

Naturally I was bestowed the “honour” of having those beliefs constantly affirmed, creating a community of people and friends that I grew to love. And then comes my 10th year, a cold-turkey shift to a pseudo-Judaism thanks to the discovery of Jewish heritage. My mother has ridiculous ways of finding things out, and years later I only learned that I had one grandparent for sure that was Jewish - my mother’s father and not both my grandparents like it was claimed.

Being ripped from my little Christian friends and thrown into a confusing array of new rules, dietary laws, days of worship, and holidays is all very traumatizing to a child just entering puberty. As if growing wasn’t awkward enough, I was now part of a minority of a minority. Messianic Judaism titles the screwed up set of beliefs mixing both evangelical Christianity and basic Judaism, using the Old and New testaments as their law, believing in all the bullshit of immaculate conception, etc. of “Yeshua” as the messiah the Jews were waiting for.

Around 15 or 16, I started to raise questions about the Christian side of it all, and infrequently built the courage to ask people in the congregation, however secretly. Responses to my quest included “I’ll pray for you” or “Without salvation there is death, and I pray you see the truth.”

Discussion wasn’t facilitated for my inquiries, nor that of other people who were questioning. I witnessed someone being shot down automatically for even raising valid questions that no one, not even the so-called ‘rabbi,’ could answer, just because it didn’t align with the already existing faith.

I secretly abandoned the Christian side of the faith, while still attending the congregation for my mother’s sake and comfort… for another 4 or 5 years. I adhered to the beliefs of Judaism for part of that time until I was perhaps 20 years old. Then started the flood of questions relating to the existence of god.

One day in a service, my mother came and stood next to me to tell me to stop texting during the worship, which I understand is rude but really? Sacrificing every single Saturday morning for over a decade and being 21 years old at the time, no one should be able to tell me what to do anymore.

She spoke to me like I was a child, her volume was loud and condescending and somehow, she thought I was dishonouring her and her alone. She failed to realize that I govern my own actions at this age, and that it was not the way she raised me that caused me to be this way.

I was defiant for once and avoided avoiding conflict with her in this instance. That was the day I put my foot down, told her the truth of me attending that congregation only for her sake - to make her happy.

In short, we didn’t talk for 2 weeks and I never, ever went back. My mother guilted me for weeks and didn’t refer to me as the name she usually does for a long time. But all I did was show her that I still loved her, and maintained decency and gentleness when it came to her. Was it worth it? Absolutely, and better late than never.

I haven’t been happier since fully withdrawing from religion. However, I still love Israel and cultural aspects of Jewish life, but it ends there.

The struggle is tough and the worst part about it is upsetting people who know they can freely guilt you. But the relief alone from swimming to the surface makes way for me to share my story to those who might be going through a similar situation. No matter what, someone will always love you, and you will love yourself enough to be empowered into choosing a path that gives you confidence and may inspire other people to reaching their full potential without worrying about the justice from an unseen god.

I was blind, but now I see... there is no God

By R.E.Allison ~

It's difficult to explain my lost “faith in God,” I was brought up in a family of teachers, farmers and construction workers. My grandfather was a Baptist minister who had built a church on his own family's land. He had been preaching there since he was in his early thirties. My grandparents raised their family, including my mother, with solid Christian beliefs in a setting I would consider to be about equal to “Little House on the Prairie.” The children worked in the fields as soon as they could walk, did chores before the sun came up and they grew everything they ate. My father grew up no more than ten miles away in a similar setting although his father was an abusive alcoholic and died in a bar fight before I was born.

Both my parents became school teachers and my father also worked as an iron worker and carpenter throughout my childhood. We attended church at my mothers demand except for my father. When I asked my mother why my father did not attend I would be scolded and at times whipped for asking. As I grew into my teenage years I became more and more uncomfortable with listening and talking about God and the bible. To me the stories seemed made up to try to teach a point using extreme examples and metaphors similar to the children’s books I grew up with. My mother continued to make me go to bible school and church until I was sixteen. By that age I had involved myself in enough sports, school events and started working that she left me alone about it. We still went to my but I still never felt comfortable. It was like going to a black tie affair wearing cut off shorts and flip flops. I could feel the stares and hear whispers, as if everyone was judging me the entire time I was there.

While I was in college I fell in love and moved in with a girl who was studying to get her masters in psychology. That did not go over well with my mother, and that distanced me from the rest of my family. During this time my grandfathers church members basically kicked my grandfather out of his own church. The one he built and had taught at for more than thirty years. He resisted the more modern ideas that had surfaced in Christianity over the years and believed in the fundamental teachings of the Lord. After he had retired from being a millwright, leading his flock in that church was his and my grandmothers’ way of life. A year after they were exiled from the church my grandmother fell ill with a brain tumor. I visited her in the hospital and she was in so much pain it killed me to see her. She died within a month and my mother asked the church to have her visitation at the church and they said it would not be in their best interest. A year later my grandfather fell ill with the same brain cancer and died. This time my mother did not ask the church for service. Apparently this time it was not even in any one of the members best interest to pay respects to my grandfather at the funeral home or at the burial.

This was my breaking point. I started studying the bible, something that I had never really done past the teachings of bible school and Sunday school. I started finding contradictions, unanswered questions, and things that just made no sense to me. I would talk to ministers at the local churches to try to answer these questions that I had and none could give me a straight forward answer. I soon learned that for a Christian the answer to everything is either “it was the Lords work” or “the Devils work” depending on the situation. I also found that when asked about different scriptures in the bible they twist and bend the context and meaning until the outcome suits their needs. I also wondered where the book of "Jesus" was located in the bible. Why did Jesus himself not write any of the bible? I was told that he was born poor and was not taught to write, by one minister. I was told by another that Jesus was sent to teach by example and by word of mouth. So in other words he could turn water into wine but could not write. And only decades later, after the death of Jesus, did God think to have someone write something down about his life. At this point I just gave up. My faith was gone and I enjoy my life not feeling like I am constantly being judged by a hateful god. I follow the theories of creation and keep myself apprised on progress of new discoveries that only reinforce my choice not to believe in God. I see now the cruelty and dark intent of organized religions, and how they are used to control and numb the minds of people. Religions of the past oppressed people to keep tyrants in power and haven’t changed much. The profits of the religion machine keep rolling in as they brainwash more people everyday, by taking advantage of weakness and fear. I am a born again human and my eyes are open!

Heaven, Hell and Sam Harris

By Valerie Tarico ~

In his latest book, The Moral Landscape, Sam Harris goes boldly where angels and demons dare not tread, and both end up supporting him.

Harris is not one to mince words. Reacting to the 9/11 attacks, he picked up a pen and strode onto the public stage with his bestseller, The End of Faith. In it he argued that, given current levels of interdependence and destructive capacity, we can no longer afford our traditional deference to religious faith, which he calls beliefs based on insufficient evidence. Moderate religion, he said, creates social acceptance for “belief in belief” which in turn allows fundamentalisms to flourish. In making this argument, Harris positioned himself against a broad range of believers and secularists who had been arguing that faith is compatible with science and civil society. They responded with scorn and fury, labeling him a “fundamentalist atheist,” whatever that means.

Then, after a year of collecting hate mail--mostly from Evangelicals--, Harris wrote Letter to a Christian Nation, in which he argued that orthodox Christian belief is not only ungrounded but immoral. He framed atonement theology, meaning the notion that Jesus’ death pays the price for human sin, as merely one in a long line of superstitious fascinations our species has had with human sacrifice. Way to make friends, Sam.

Now he’s up to it again. Harris’s latest, The Moral Landscape, seeks to persuade the reader that reason and empiricism, combined in the scientific method, offer a better basis for morality than does religion. This book, like the others, will infuriate people who are trying to make nice. Believers have insisted for centuries that without divine revelation there is no basis for morality. Secular philosophers have failed to resolve whether there can be moral absolutes in the absence of such a revelation. Anthropologists have promoted the idea of cultural relativism --that each culture’s moral code is as right as any other, and an outsider has no basis for passing judgment. Followers of Stephen J. Gould, in an attempt to attenuate religious hostility toward the scientific enterprise, have insisted that religion and science should occupy “non-overlapping magisteria”: Religion alone tells us what to value; science, which has nothing to say on the matter of values, tells us how to get from Point A to Point B.

Harris has issued a challenge to them all. He asserts that even without religion there are moral facts to be discovered, because morality can be only about the well-being of sentient creatures, and the scientific method, ranging from naturalistic observation to laboratory research is how we can discover what makes sentient creatures better or worse off.^[1]

It would be easy to dismiss Harris as a provocateur if he weren’t so lucid. He has a remarkable ability to leave his debate opponents appealing to intuition or resorting to ad hominims, and the Moral Landscape tour offers no exception to the unapologetic, relentless logic that characterized early chapters of The End of Faith, or the whole of Letter. Harris establishes his foundational premise with two thought experiments (paraphrased below):

Imagine an entity that can have no effect whatsoever on the experience, positive or negative, of any conscious being. Now put it in a box. Can we agree that the contents of this box are of no interest in determining human values and morality? If so, we have agreed that morality is about the experience of conscious beings. (p. 32)

Imagine that every sentient creature that ever has existed or will exist suffers to the maximum it is capable of suffering for the duration of its existence. Can we agree that this is the worst possible bad? If so, we have agreed that good and bad are about wellbeing, and that all points on the moral landscape are, in one form or another improvements over this one.(p. 39)

If you can’t agree that the first of these is irrelevant to questions of good and bad, and that the second is the worst possible evil, then Harris says he doesn’t know what you mean by the terms, and there’s no basis for conversation. If you can agree, then he invites you to keep reading as he lays out his rationale for a science of morality that builds on these basic agreements.

Harris validates some of the deepest hunches of conservative Christians, and in turn orthodox Christian theology provides evidence for Harris’s proposition. I second the invitation. As a therapist I found that people don’t abandon old ways of thinking unless they have something better to replace them with. If there is any hope of people abandoning the iron age moral script that remains ascendant in much of the world, we have to generate a more credible alternative.

Ironically, some of Harris’s credibility on this topic comes from an arch-nemesis, religion. Specifically, Christianity. In his take on moral facts, Harris validates some of the deepest hunches of conservative Christians, and in turn orthodox Christian theology provides evidence for Harris’s proposition. Let me explain.

Evangelical Christians and their kin are profoundly concerned with what they see as the moral decay of our society. For example, Hollywood earns a living by surprising us, by breeching conventional boundaries—technical, artistic, cultural and moral. Christians may be along for the ride as much as the rest of us (Who would argue that the panoply of sexual, violent blockbusters is targeted at the fifteen percent of Americans who self-describe as not Christian?) But at least the conservative wing of the faith hates that stuff (or hates themselves for loving it.) While the rest of us dither about artistic freedom and whether we really have the right to keep children from witnessing—say gratuitous decapitation—Christian conservatives do their best to censor the stuff. Why? They may or may not have read the research about screen violence and real world violence, but they believe in their guts that some things are evil. In fact, one of the things they loath and mistrust most about the rest of us is that we wallow around in what they call “moral relativity,” meaning a world in which there is no right and wrong, only individual preference.

Secular liberals, by contrast, flinch away from the word evil even when it is applied to someone like Saddam Hussein. They tend to be profoundly uncomfortable about such basic questions as honor killings and involuntary genital mutilation as long as these are sanctioned by another religion or culture. They will argue that abortion is morally acceptable, but won’t admit that they think it is sometimes more moral than the alternatives, which would be admitting that they actually make moral judgments about other people’s behavior. They are so afraid of becoming self righteous bigots that they prefer to error on the side of denying the obvious.

Harris sides with the religious conservatives on this one: They may be right for the wrong reason “because the Bible tells me so.” And they may get morally activated by issues that have nothing to do with morality, like piercings or Harry Potter books. They may sanctify mere habit or tradition or culture. But they are fundamentally right: good and evil are real and we have the ability to distinguish one from the other, albeit imperfectly, and the difference is enormously consequential.

In turn, Harris’s foundational premise, that moral questions are questions about the well-being of sentient creatures finds supporting evidence throughout the biblical texts and Christian tradition. Nowhere is this more clear than in Christian descriptions of the afterlife; in fact it is so clear there that I won’t bother with other examples. What do obedient Christians obtain? Perfect, eternal wellbeing—youth, health, freedom from want and pain, beauty, wonder, peace, wealth and love. How about the enemies of God? Well, what they get is remarkably close to Harris’s version of the worst possible evil, the only difference being that the Christian hell appears limited to Homo sapiens rather than encompassing all conscious beings. The mere existence, however figmentary, of a heavenly host that sings joyously while demonic hoards suffer eternal torture lend credence to Harris’s premise.^[2]

Does Harris have it right? Are there moral facts to be discovered? Can we, should we be opening up empirical studies of well-being in the same way we study health? Is it conceivable we can factually determine some individuals to be moral experts and some cultures to be more moral than others? I don’t know. But I do know this: For those of us who find traditional dogmas inadequate to answer the complex ethical questions before us, and I am one, Harris has opened a conversation we need to have.

---

[1] Harris gives a nod to cognitive scientists who have written extensively in recent years about our universal moral emotions and intuitions, but unlike them, he is interested in applying science to determine what we should care about rather than what we routinely do. In other words, he is saying that questions of “is” and “ought” can be answered with the same methods.

[2] All of the sacrifices that Christians are asked to make in this life offer no evidence to the contrary. That would be like saying the Wall Street banker who works long hours so that he can buy big houses and fast cars and hot women isn’t a hedonist. The Christian’s temporal self-sacrifice and the banker’s long hours are simply evidence of the human ability to delay gratification. Each is willing to resist temptation and endure hardship in the near term for a bigger reward later.

Crashing down like dominoes

By Allan Potter ~

I feel like I could write for days on this subject. My journey has been a very fluid one and I know that it is not complete. One thing I have learned is to keep an open mind, without one, I would not be where I am today.

I grew up in a very non-religious family. My single mother never once forced me to go to church and constantly reinforced to me that I was to come to my own conclusions. (Thank you Mom) I decided to try church because my Mom gave me that opportunity and I have always taken the viewpoint that I cannot judge something unless I am informed on it. I doubt my thoughts were that coherent at age 8, but nonetheless they were there. Plus, a few of my friends helped persuade me to go with them. I can remember going to church every Sunday for years. Being a Lutheran Church, I was confirmed, saved, and thought it was cool that I got to drink a sip of wine every month. But it was in the teachings that I was the most interested. Our preacher’s sermons were, for the most part, innocent and well intentioned. Most of the ten commandments made sense to me and were applicable to real life scenarios. Ultimately though, it was never anything that my mom or basic common sense hadn’t already taught me.

Then something happened, probably as a result of my continued intellectual growth. I started to realize that there was a very specific agenda on his mind and that my personal thoughts didn’t matter in the eyes of the church. I can specifically remember him making a remark that basically damned gay people to the eternal fires of hell. It was on that day that my journey began. Once the seed of doubt was planted, the rest of the carefully constructed elaborate lie came crashing down like dominoes.

I think most people who reject the existence of god, start with rejecting the church first, as I did. I was done with organized religion and the segregation it freely promoted in the name of god. My new god was more forgiving, more compassionate, and more understanding. I rejected the idea that any god that loves his creation so much would so easily dismiss those who never even had a choice in worshiping him to eternal damnation. So, for a few years I created the god that I believed made the most sense for me. Unfortunately, this theory began to fall apart at the seams as well, and rather quickly.

One determining factor was science. I am no scientist, nor would I consider myself anything more than a layman when it comes to the scientific world, but the concept is outstanding. Science relies on proof, something that no church or synagogue could ever provide. Scientists could just as easily come up with convoluted stories to explain the mysteries of the universe, but they choose to burden themselves with proof because through observation and experimentation, it is available. Scientists have certainly not unlocked all of the secrets, but they are working on it, and I can appreciate that.

Another determining factor was how far-fetched the stories in the bible really are. Jesus comes back from the dead, Jonah survives inside the belly of a whale, the entire earth floods, the list goes on. All of these stories were believable 2,000 years ago but, to those not drunk with the passion only indoctrination can provide, they seem nothing short of preposterous now. In a world where all other facets of our being now require proof, we must hold religion to the same standard. Faith is the crutch of the church. There is no need for explanation or proof, only faith will provide you an eternity in heaven. Once you have someone believing in that ideal, the rest is easy. Ultimately, I fear for us as people. I fear for our existence simply because an ideal like faith and the promise of an eternally peaceful afterlife can convince men to fly planes into buildings.

Gullible me

By atheistnurse ~

OK. So I get the news I had the big "C." Shock, fear, and then I got religious. Doesn't everyone who has a potentially fatal diagnosis? No? Well, call me gullible. At the time it gave peace to think that a loving benevolent god was in charge and I could trust him to take care of me. I think that is religion's most powerful draw--a psychological crutch to deal with things we don't want to deal with.

Fast forward to a successful treatment. I am totally enmeshed in a church by that time. I teach Sunday school, volunteer for almost everything, lead people to the lord, home-school my kids teaching them creationism.... You get the idea. I was totally brainwashed.

Then my husband got a traumatic brain injury in an automobile accident. He went from a funny, nice guy to an angry, selfish, unpredictable, childish man. It was the hardest freaking thing I ever lived through. I prayed and prayed and prayed because it was horrible and I believed god would help my family. I mean, isn't that what the bible promises?

I never once got anything from god during that time. No answer, no signs, no help. Nada, zip, zilch. Even our church didn't do anything to help our family. No one called, visited, asked if they could do anything--nothing. But every Sunday they all told us how they were praying for us.

Prayer wasn't working. Hmmmmm. Maybe, I thought, prayer was just a way to feel really, really good about doing absolutely nothing for anyone else. I am so grateful for our heathen neighbors and family who saw we needed help and rolled up their sleeves and helped us instead of sending up a quick prayer.

It doesn't matter how much faith you have, you are not going to be moving any mountains. More faith equals more brainwashed. Oh, and the church members kept telling me how god wouldn't give me more than I could bear. If I heard that one more time I was going to hit them up beside the head with my bible. What it really meant was, "Suck it up, sister, and quit complaining."

Well, after a couple of years of this it dawned on me that there is no god. It doesn't matter how much faith you have, you are not going to be moving any mountains. More faith equals more brainwashed. I could not reconcile my reality with what the bible said. Too many inconsistencies. All the things I just took on faith because they sounded a little too hinky, really were hinky. Imagine that.

At first I was depressed because I realized my entire belief system was a hoax. Then I was a little angry because I had believed a lie. After I got over feeling foolish for believing such a load of crap in the first place, it has actually been quite liberating. I no longer have to filter things through my god-glasses. I can like my gay/buddhist/adulterer coworkers, drink that glass of wine, even check out a nice butt once in a while without an ounce of guilt.

Of course, my ex-church is still praying for me because they are convinced I am going straight to hell in a hand basket. But, evidently their god did give me more than I could bear.

A Reply

By Carl S ~

Below, is an e-mail that was written in response to a visitor's request for more information - a visitor who is familiar with the Gethsemane monastery I had written about. Several days later, it occurs to me that others may have had similar, interesting experiences, coming from different religious backgrounds/upbringings. Those who will dismiss or denounce the majority of us ex-Christians, as never having been committed to the faith, need to be educated on this matter.

REPLY

Thank you for visiting exchristian.net, where my first writing, "My Unique Experience," was about some of my experiences as a Trappist monk. I entered several months short of my 15th birthday, so my age at the time needs to be considered. On Halloween night, 1954, I was sent home with two postal workers who had been there for a retreat. Although the world has changed since then, I suspect Gethsemane is much the same. On that note, I will say that what the public sees is not what is happening in reality.

Image by Christine ™ (Formerly with the red wall.) via Flickr

Behind the idealized facade of peace and spirituality, what I and others experienced was inner turmoil, the result of working against our "sinful" natures, and in doing penance through "self denial." Yes, there were times of pleasures shared, friendliness, although "particular friendships" were forbidden (I suspect many monks are gay). Gethsemane is "not of this world," but it is no Tibetan monastery, and I consider myself fortunate and strong to have lasted there as long as I did.

One evening after Compline, we did not go immediately back to quarters for the night, but were told to wait in the corridor behind the nave. There, the body of a monk, I think in his 30's, passed before us. We chanted, and he was buried nearby. A year and a half after I left the monastery, I met a man who was there after I left. Very sincerely, he told me that two monks there had committed suicide in one year’s time.

The Trappist contemplative setting creates a condition of spiritual anorexia disorder wherein individuals constantly examine their conscience, motives, and dedication to being ever more holy and virtuous.

The monastery, in my experience, resembles a cult that always begins with elation, assurances, camaraderie, and leads inexorably to repression and being used for its purposes. Yes, so many years later, I still see it that way: a cult, in essence, with secrets.

A nice place to visit, for a person to "retreat" from the world, but you wouldn't want to live there.

Why Celebrate Darwin Day? Watch the Video!

Dear Friend, This February 12, people all over the world will commemorate Darwin Day, an international celebration to honor the discoveries and life of Charles Darwin—the man who propelled science forward by first describing biological evolution via natural selection. When I reflect on what Darwin accomplished, I'm also reminded of the challenges that science and evolution face in our nation today. A recent Gallop poll still found that 40% of Americans believe in creationism. And stealth creationist organizations like the Discovery Institute are spending millions of dollars to push so-called "intelligent design" into public schools. Help us fight back! You can start by doing two simple but meaningful things: First, please watch this brief two-minute video by the American Humanist Association about the importance of Darwin Day—a day to celebrate science and humanity.   Second, sign our petition to President Obama asking him to officially declare February 12 to be Darwin Day in the United States. Our message is clear: religious infiltration in our science classrooms will not be tolerated. Our elected leaders must show that scientific discovery and integrity are top priorities—priorities that are needed now more than ever as right-wing extremists attempt to undermine science. Please share the video and petition with family and friends by posting them on Facebook or Twitter, or by sharing this article now.  The International Darwin Day Foundation, a project of the American Humanist Association and founded by Dr. Robert Stephens, provides resources and publicity for individuals and organizations around the world to celebrate Darwin Day. If you would like to attend or promote a Darwin Day celebration, please visit our website at www.darwinday.org.   We also want to hear from you! Why do YOU celebrate Darwin Day? Make a video or write a Darwin Day story about how you plan to celebrate and email it to us at darwinday@americanhumanist.org. Together, let's promote Darwin's legacy and ensure that it lives on in the science classrooms in the United States. Happy Darwin Day, Roy Speckhardt Executive Director P.S. After you watch our special Darwin Day video and sign the petition, I hope you can do more. Share the video and petition with family and friends. Sign up to attend a Darwin Day event near you. And donate to the American Humanist Association to boost our efforts to promote science and reason.

Woman's Hanging and Burning of Dog Perfectly Biblical

A South Carolina woman has been charged with felony ill treatment of an animal because she hung her nephew’s pit bull from a tree and then set it on fire after it chewed her Bible.

Hopefully her lawyer will point out that here behavior was perfectly biblical. Here are five points in favor of the “It was biblical, so how can it be cruel?” defense.

1. The Bible says that animals can be possessed by demons. Chewing a bible seems as good an indicator as any. One online forum mused on the animal possession possibilities after an East Coast woman was mauled by her chimp.
2. The Bible prescribes capital punishment for over thirty six kinds of evildoers. (I encourage you to check the list and find out for yourself if you would qualify.) Bible chewing appears well within the range of capital offenses.
3. Animals are not exempt from capital punishment. When a man or woman has sex with a goat for example, the goat must be put to death.
4. Fiery torture is the ultimate punishment for unrepentant sinners in hell. There is no indication from media reports that the pit bull in question was repentant. Furthermore, it probably didn’t take the dog more than ten or fifteen minutes to burn, a comparatively light punishment by comparison.
5. Death by burning here on earth is also sanctioned by God in the Bible. God both models it and commands it. Biblical death by burning is not only not cruel—it is not unusual.

There is no indication from media reports that the pit bull in question was repentant. Lest you think this is all irrelevant, please remember that for many Americans, biblical words are God’s words,set in stone. Just this week, a Virginia school district is re-posting copies of the Ten Commandments in all district schools. News articles on the topic were unclear about whether the Ten Commandments they are posting, were the ones Moses received on stone tablets – about redeeming your first born son and not making sacrifices levened with yeast and such, or the more familiar ten, but both should be equally relevant.

Lest we forget, we are offered these wise words from a writer in Abilene, Texas: God’s words never change and God will never bless anything that goes against His word. God loves the sinner, but hates the sin. It’s all in the Bible and I believe in what His word says. Jesus did not come to change His father’s law, but to fulfill it.

Any South Carolina judge worth his seat should know this.

Another miracle

By aka mtbdude

Everyone is appalled saddened by the shooting of those people in Tuscon recently. We are especially hopeful for the recovery of those who survived it.

Image by Ninian Reid via Flickr

But the kind of crap that I just read this morning really drives me up the wall. Dr. Michael Lemole, one of the physicians in charge of the care of Rep. Giffords, in a comment regarding her progress said, "We're wise to acknowledge miracles."

No doctor, you are a fucking irresponsible idiot who ought to know better than to say something like that. The miracle will be if Rep. Giffords pulls out her tubes and walks out the door today. This unfortunate, apparently very good-hearted woman suffered a grievous injury and will likely never be the same. So let's praise God.

This just sickens me. I went through my own near-death experience, and heard the same kind of garbage. Miracle. The miracle would be if the 30% total body surface area of my skin grew back spontaneously. It didn't. I've got skin grafts and spent 6 weeks in a burn unit. That's not a miracle. It's technology.

Steve (taking a deeeeep breath, blowing it out sloooowly)

Your faith is a joke

By Pat Condell

My Journey Through Hell

By WMDKitty ~

In the words of Marilyn Manson, "It's a long hard road out of Hell." This is my journey along that road thus far.

I was raised Catholic, and--

No. I suppose I should start at the beginning. My birth.

I was born to a 16 year old girl, whose medical and personal history are unknown to me. Three months premature, a very sick baby, I wasn't supposed to live.

But live I did. I even dared to thrive and defy the doctors' "best case scenario" predictions.

At the age of one year, I was adopted, and taken in to my forever family. Despite the doctors' dire predictions, all they knew was that a little blond-haired girl was available for adoption. From what Mum and Dad have told me, it was love at first sight. Health problems? Potential disabilities? They didn't give that a second thought.

As I grew up, they encouraged me to reach (literally and figuratively) for ever higher goals, be it crawling, walking, dressing myself, they pushed me to achieve and be the best I can be. Even knowing that I might never be self-sufficient, they loved me. And, of course, like all parents -- okay, like all Catholic parents -- they took me to Mass weekly.

One of my earliest memories, oddly enough, is of being in church and, being the stubborn little thing I was, I ignored Mum when she told me to sit down. I think I was around two or three, though I'm not sure. At this point, I had (finally!) discovered the ability to stand up under my own power, and like all children, I had to test it. Repeatedly. And I ended up falling and hurting myself. That is my first memory of testing boundaries (and gravity), both of which have been recurring themes.

Back to the story at hand, yeah? So my parents did their best by me, raising me as a Catholic. But despite the beautiful rituals, and enchanting stories, the indoctrination never really stuck. I can remember, even as a child, asking that question that is the bane of EVERY parent's existence: "Why?" And I know that, even then, it was an existential "why", rather than a "why is the sky blue" kind of "why". I'd play along, naturally, as I didn't know until much later in life that there were any other religious options.

From a very young age, I was a voracious reader. Self-taught, even -- Mum says that one day, they just kinda realized that I was, in fact, reading. (I was three and a half or thereabouts.) Now, as a devoted reader, I devoured everything I could get my grubby little claws on, from Golden Books to Grey's Anatomy to flipping through the bloody dictionary... for fun! I'd rather have spent a day with a good book or three than do physical therapy! (That, too, was a constant, as I have Cerebral Palsy. Oh, the stories I have of that circle of hell!)

I went through the motions, did the First Communion thing, played the part of the "good Catholic child", but inside, I doubted. I even dared to commit the biggest sin a Catholic can commit: I questioned.

Growing up in the Church, with a disability, you hear... things. "What did her parents do to deserve a disabled child?" The odd conclusion others made, that I was somehow "God's punishment," stuck with me. And it made me start thinking, because my parents hadn't committed some horrible sin, they hadn't done anything evil, they had chosen me, despite not knowing if I'd ever walk or talk. They loved me despite my limitations. How could a beautiful, loving, intelligent child be a "punishment"? Thus started my journey.

I pushed those doubts down, brushed the whispered comments aside, pretended it didn't bother me. And, as a child, it didn't bother me at all. Why should it?

The weirdness began early on, as well. My earliest memory is of "warm" and "purring". I am, and always have been, a veritable cat-magnet. If there is a cat within a block of me, it WILL find me. (This becomes relevant later, I promise.)

In addition, I have seen... things. Unexplainable things. At a funeral (closed casket), I asked why the decedent was "sitting up". I mean, I literally saw the deceased, sitting or standing near the casket, when there was no possible way for her to have done so -- she was dead, and the dead don't generally parade around their own funeral Masses.

I have an uncanny knack for sensing "things that should not be". I know, it's silly to believe in things like ghosts and faeries, but I know what I've seen, and it kinda scares me. Now, between my strange little "gift", and my love of reading, I had read through every book on mythology I could. Greek, Roman, Egyptian, various First Nations stories, you name it, I've probably read it. The idea of whole pantheons of gods and goddesses intrigued me, and so I studied further, devouring every book I could find on the subject. This is relevant, I promise, just bear with me as I try to get my thoughts out.

In my early teenage years, to borrow a phrase, "crap got real". This is when the claws of doubt and curiosity really sank into me. By thirteen, I had stopped attending Mass, preferring, as most teenagers do, to sleep in on Sunday mornings. But I was still nominally Catholic, attending Mass on "important" days (Christmas and Easter), and sitting quietly in the pew with whatever I happened to be reading at the time.

Over the next few years, I moved further away from the Church. I had never considered myself Catholic, or even Christian. I had never given it much thought, really. And I never saw a reason to give it much thought. Until I discovered Saint George of Carlin at the tender age of 15. Thus was born the first seedling of my journey away from the Church. I began to notice inconsistencies and outright hypocrisy in Church doctrine. I started to see that it was, in fact, no more than crass manipulation of the masses. ("He loves you. He loves you, and he needs money.")

I went from blissfully ignorant Catholic-because-my-parents-said-so, to painfully aware of reality. But I still clung to the idea of deities. For a good few years, I drifted in a sea of confusion, feeling like I didn't belong anywhere, taking refuge in books and video games. I was, at this point, pretty much agnostic, though I didn't have a word for it. I just knew that I didn't know enough to be sure of anything. (Meanwhile, the weirdness continued. By this point, along with literally being a cat-magnet, I had encountered what could best be described as "nature spirits".)

I made it through high school, graduated, went to college, and -- I still don't know if it was a matter of "fitting in" or a genuine attempt at sincere belief -- but I flirted with Christianity for a good year, before I discovered Wicca. Again, despite beautiful rituals and lovely stories -- I even found the ethical guidelines to be quite positive and uplifting -- it didn't "fit". Something was missing.

During my Wiccan period, I met (and almost married) my abuser, he who shall, forever after, be referred to as "The Jackass". He literally forced me back into Christianity on pain of, well, PAIN. Not the hippy-dippy love-is-all-you-need kind, either. This was hardcore fire-and-brimstone EVANGELICAL Christianity. Not only did I have to attend church services, it had to be a church that HE approved of, and if I dared to ask questions or push back against his "God-ordained" authority, there would be a boot in my side, a slap to the face, a knife at my throat. (Do abusers have, like, some kind of handbook that they share? They all do the same things!) Any other church (i.e. any church that I chose, that was "too liberal", or that he just didn't like) wasn't "good enough".

He had me so beat down that I didn't dare protest. This was but one of the low points I endured, many of them at his hands (and, one night, his feet). I was convinced that I was nothing, I was lucky to have him, nobody else would want such a worthless bit of dirt around them. Despite all this, deep inside, that spark of stubbornness remained, and I continued my seeking, often behind his back or in the supposed interest of "knowing what I'm up against". In the midst of this horror, there was still that small glimmer of hope and outright rebellion, that tiny little part of me that said, "There must be something better than this."

It was during this period of my life, during the worst of my personal Hell, that I stumbled across Orthodox Kemeticism, a revival of ancient Egyptian worship and practices.

With the Kemetic faith, I discovered Bast. Mother, lover, fierce protector, goddess of both love AND war, and -- more importantly -- the protector of cat-kind. But I could not stick with this faith, either -- there were still too many rules, too much of a hierarchy, and too much that didn't make sense.

I moved on, dabbling in a bit of this and a bit of that, amusing myself with magicks and divination, and various gods and goddesses, eventually ending up researching LaVeyan Satanism. Being me, I just HAD to jump in with both feet leading. I still find parts of the philosophy quite beautiful, and have no problem taking what I need or want from Satanism and everything else I've dabbled in. But again, like a shoe that almost fits (but not quite), Satanism wasn't where I "belonged".

So here I am. I'm an apathetic agnostic hedonist ("Don't know, don't care, let's party") and still, for some reason, quite devoted to Bast. Perhaps I am merely attached to the idea of Her. Perhaps She has had a paw in guiding my life. All I know is that I feel more feline than human, and display many (often-amusing) feline mannerisms, among them an insatiable curiosity and a near-inhuman love of fish, string, and shiny objects.

I cannot explain and do not understand the weirdness that is my life. But I feel that it is not mine to understand or explain, only mine to accept and explore and enjoy and experience as I travel through life. I need no religious affiliation, no label, no cage to confine me, for I am Cat, bound only to those whom I have chosen to be bound to, by ties of my choosing, and subject to none, be they Man or God. I forge my own Path, and that is good enough for me.

Thank you for bearing with me on this rambling journey through my head. If anything doesn't make sense, please, just ask -- I'm happy to answer!

I was assaulted in the name of Jesus

By Suzi Q ~

Between this past Christmas and New Years I was physically assaulted by my own brother, a Christian, for being an atheist. But that is not where I want to begin my story. I want to go back to my childhood.

My parents divorced when my mother was eight months pregnant with me, so I laughingly call myself a reverse bastard. But the sad reality is that my father was an apostolic minister and terrorized my mother, which is why she left him. I have seen my father exactly five times in my whole life, and I am now 31 years old. I am the only child that my parents created together, but have 12 brothers and a sister of which I am the youngest by almost 10 years. My siblings started having grandchildren before I ever had my first child. There is quite a generation gap to say the least. Amongst all those siblings I have various levels of relationships – two I’ve never met, three deceased, and two I haven’t seen since I was three years old. Growing up I was only close to two of my brothers, and only spent any considerable time under the same roof with one of them. With him I was the closest, and he was the one who eventually assaulted me.

For the sake of this testimonial I shall call my brother Rick, but that is not his real name. Rick is nine and a half years older than I am, and he was my childhood hero. I remember at the age of five I thought I would grow up to marry him – not understanding at five years old that siblings don’t marry. I just loved him. Anything he did I wanted to be a part of. He loved Kiss and the Beatles and Queen – so to this day I love those bands. When he wanted to start a band of his own I wanted to play keyboards in his group. When he married and had children I was 11 years old, and his children became my entire world. I wanted to spend every waking minute with my brother and his babies, that’s where I was the happiest.

About the time I was 12 my brother started to seriously seek God. Growing up our mother was very private about her own beliefs, but she let me go to church with any friends I wanted. It never mattered the denomination – Catholic, Pentecostal, Assembly of God, whatever – so I considered myself a general Christian but never gave it serious consideration. But when Rick started fervently seeking God I followed along happy to be with him. I have to add that at the age of 13 I was raped, so I was broken and hurting in my own way. Christianity fed on that pain and gave me a place to feel safe and loved – and as a bonus I got to be with my brother the hero.

My brother’s quest for truth led us to the United Pentecostal Church – hard core fundamentalists. The one thing the fueled my brother’s fervor with Christianity was the end times, the rapture, the apocalypse, whatever you want to call it. I remember watching the “Left Behind” videos with him and having them scare the hell out of me – or scare me out of hell as it were. From that time on I was the best little Christian you could imagine. I carried my bible to public school (8th grade at the time) and wore my ankle length dresses with pride.

Around that time my brother and his family moved away to another state. I was devastated. So I started spending all my time with the church – the pastor’s family specifically. They had five children under the age of eight, and my being 14 made a great babysitter. I spent the night at their house and I traveled with them to every revival, camp meeting, youth group and other gathering that came along. I taught Sunday school and went door-knocking and everything. When they decided to start a grade school in the church I bid public school adieu and began my high school education at my church. I practically lived at the church, when I wasn’t at the church I was at the pastor’s house. The church was my life – I did absolutely everything the church doctrine said I needed to in order to be saved. I stopped cutting my hair, I stopped watching TV, I only wore dresses – I was perfect in every little detail because I was so happy to belong, to have friends, to be loved, to be saved.

My freshman year went fine, but things started to fall apart in my sophomore year. I did that one unthinkable thing that you are never, ever supposed to do as a Christian – I started to ask questions. The answer I got was, “If you pastor says it over the pulpit then it is law,” by the pastor’s wife. That didn’t sit well with me, but I let it go. One day though, I was struggling with something in my life and did what I was supposed to do – I talked to my pastor about it. And I’ll never forget him saying to me, “Well you can believe that if you want but don’t shove it down our (his family’s) throats.” I don’t even remember what the subject was about anymore, but his reaction stunned me, shocked me, and hurt me. Two other things happened that made me lose faith in my pastor and his family. First, I had another brother that was and still is an atheist that I adore, and I was told to never see him again unless he was on his death bed and asked for prayer. Second, I had a friend who was a Wiccan – I was told she was pure evil and I couldn’t accept that because she was the sweetest and kindest person I’d ever met.

That was the beginning of the end. I stopped going to school and church (same thing) and fell into a deep, deep depression. The church had hammered it into my head so hard that they held the only truth that I knew for a fact that by not going to church I was going straight to hell. That led to awful panic attacks. One panic attack lasted two whole days and the only thing that calmed me down was me making my mother swear she wouldn’t take the mark of the beast even if it meant losing her life. She swore me she wouldn’t, but I think it was just to calm me down since she didn’t believe. The ONLY thing that kept me from killing myself is the belief that suicide was a one way ticked to hell – seriously.

For months I didn’t get out of bed, or bathe, or talk to anyone except my mother. When I did finally pull myself out of it I found myself 17 years old with a 9th grade education. I decided to get my GED, which I did in the course of one week. Then I wanted to go to college, but with a 9th grade education the only place that would look at me was community college. I have to point out that I still considered myself a Christian at this point – I held my own bible studies and hung out with a group of Seventh Day Adventists. That is actually where I met my husband. I was hard core Christian too – I bought a parallel bible that had the original Greek and Hebrew along with their literal translations and read the whole thing in my search for truth along with the Apocrypha and Dead Sea Scrolls. I still believed that the world was going to end at any moment so we got married soon after I turned 18 - because I didn't believe I had much time left.

In college I took every course on religion and philosophy that I could get my hands on. There I discovered Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Hinduism, Yoga and every other major world religion. I expanded my personal religious philosophy to include many teachings from all of these “Wisdom Traditions” as I was taught to call them. Eventually I swung from Christian all the way to Pagan. I bought all the paraphernalia and attended rituals. I wore my pentacle with pride. I want to say that I have met some lovely, lovely people during that time that I will be friends with forever.

When I graduated college I had Bachelor of Science degrees in both Mathematics and Psychology. That was 2005.

Let’s turn back to my brother, Rick, who had had an ugly divorce in the meantime. We had lived apart from when I was a young teenager until 2007, when he moved to my town along with 2 of his 3 teenage children. I moved here to go to university in 1999, my mother moved here when she closed her business in 2005, and Rick followed when job opportunities dried up in the town he lived in. I was still a Pagan at the time he moved here. Shortly afterward I told him that I wasn’t a Christian and hoped he was OK with it. He responded rather indifferently, saying something like – I believe Jesus is the way but it’s your life. And that is where the conversation ended, he didn’t ask any details.

A few weeks later Rick and I got into a fight about something totally unrelated to religion. He ended up getting mad at me because I disagreed with him and ended the fight by yelling, “You need Jesus!” and slamming a door in my face.

My personal quest for truth continued without Rick’s involvement or knowledge, though he eventually found out I was a “Pagen” as he spelled it. I have to say that it was well over a year ago that I found ExChristian.net and I still thought of myself as a Pagan. But on the site I found videos and resources that cascaded into more and more and more info than I imagined. One video series that I found particularly touching was the one from Evid3nc3 about his process going from Christian from Atheist – I still watch his new videos as he produces them. After all that I read and saw I realized that even though I’d called myself a Pagan for a long time, I really was an atheist all along – and atheist with a pentacle. I never really believed in the multitude of gods that pagans invoke. I realized that I loved the fantasy of it all - The special robes and pretty decorations and oh the jewelry – it appealed to my fantastical nature.

But the side of me that pursued a degree in Mathematics -- Magna Cum Laude – knew better. When I really started exploring atheism it was the only thing that made sense. I want to say that I was torn between studying Mathematics and Physics, even though Mathematics ultimately won Theoretical Physics holds a special place in my heart and on my bookshelf.

So for two years an unsaid agreement existed between me and my brother – I didn’t mention anything non-Christian and he pretended that the whole world was Christian. He’d left every church he’d ever gone to because he found something to disagree with them about in the Bible – he even got himself ordained online because he couldn’t find a church who agreed with him. Whenever he tried a new church and inevitably found something they did wrong and left I had to listen to it. I listened to him quote Bible verses that “proved” the offending church wrong and he was right. I listened to him when he would tell me about the things God had told him – prophesies and promises. And I never said a word – I smiled and nodded to keep the peace even though I found many things he said to be offensive. I didn’t even speak up when his 16 year old daughter told me that I would burn up if I went into the local Christian bookstore.

I want to make a special point here that when I got rid of all my bibles and Christian materials I gave them to my brother – that’s how "unsupportive" I was of his Christianity.

One day things blew up between us. On his Facebook status he wrote:

“If we ever forget that we're one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under..' -Ronald Reagan, someone should tell this to Obama that says, "We are no longer a Christian nation. That was only about 25 years ago, people wake up, Jesus is coming!”

I replied by telling him that we are not a Christian nation and provided the following quotes from the founding fathers:

George Washington "The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion”.

Thomas Jefferson ""No man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever." and "Christianity neither is, nor ever was, a part of the Common Law."

Benjamin Franklin "Lighthouses are more helpful than churches." and "In the affairs of the world, men are saved, not by faith, but by the lack of it."

Thomas Paine "All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit."

Abraham Lincoln ""The Bible is not my book, nor Christianity my profession."

That sparked a fight between us that was ugly, but we ended it in a fairly civil manner. But the damn had broken. From that point on whenever I saw him post offensive things – about gays, or atheists, or whatever – I would comment. Every time it sparked a fight. One time he even told our mother he was never speaking to me again and that she should never invite us both to her house at the same time. Then later he called me and told me that God said he should forgive me.

Things went back to being the way they were before. He spouted off Christian things all the time and I said nothing – except once when I said all religions were myths. He got mad at me, and in the end he asked me, “If you don’t believe in an afterlife why not live for God just in case?” That isn't a direct quote, but the gist of what he asked me - twice. I didn’t answer him right away, but thought about it. A few days later I sent him a link to a video from Edward Current as an answer to that question – a satirical video where Edward had converted to ALL religions just in case one of the many gods out there could damn him to hell. I found the video witty and thought it made the point perfectly of why I can’t live for god ‘just in case’.

That started a maelstrom. My brother HATES Edward Current with a passion and refused to watch the video at all. He responded by telling me, “I honastly believe that you suffer the way you do because you have rejected Christ. Not that I believe that Jesus has done this to you, but rather Satan has you bound.”

Mind you I’ve been suffering from terrible back pain since I was a child from a congenital birth defect – and I've suffered before, during, and after the time I was a Christian. Hurt beyond words I told him that any god that would make me suffer like I do for using the free will he supposedly gave me is beneath my contempt. It degraded even further from there with him telling me that I was going to Hell and that it was probably too late for me to be saved, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Bless my tolerant and loving mother. The whole situation hurt her, her children fighting and hurting, so I agreed to talk face to face with my brother for her sake. The conversation started out calm and civil. He said I was militant anti-Christ and I told him the Bible was historically inaccurate, but it was honestly calm. Up until the point when he told me how much I’d offended him by calling all religions myths (which happened WEEKS earlier). I told him that he had said things I found offensive but I never held onto it or held a grudge over it. He asked me, most condescendingly, what had he ever said that I found offensive (from his tone I could tell that he sincerely believed that he’d never said a single offensive thing in his life and that I wouldn’t be able to come up with an example).

In response, I started listing off all the times he’d told me about God speaking to him and all the times he’d walked away from a church because of a disagreement and needed to tell me all about the bible verses that backed up his opinion – and I gave specific examples, not generalizations.

Well, that started him on a tirade of verbal abuse. He started shouting things at me like, “I don’t like you” “I don’t care about you” “I hate people like you” “If you weren’t my sister I’d never associate with you” and other things. Now my 4-year-old son kept trying to get into the room Rick and I were talking in, so I stood in front of the door to keep my boy from seeing his uncle yelling at me.

I couldn’t get a word in edgewise while he was yelling – I kept saying, “Can I say something?” to no avail. At one point I asked Rick, “Where did this anger come from? What did I say?”
He responded by saying, “That’s it, I’m leaving.”

Since I was in front of the door to the room he grabbed me. In defense I pushed him off of me and said, “Listen to me.”

He grabbed me again and threw me to the ground hard and said, “No I’m not,” then stormed out of the room. I mentioned that I’ve had terrible back problems most of my life – the impact of being thrown to the ground, over a pile of boxes has caused me terrible pain ever since.

Now Rick hasn’t spoken to me since that night, but he told my husband that he has nothing to apologize for because he’s done nothing wrong. He has told our mother that I pushed him first and that I “fell” over the boxes. The final blow was him writing a blog on his public MySpace page about being “forced” to end a relationship with a non-Christian family member. It was full of hell talk and self-righteousness.

I’ve been crushed ever since because my one time hero turned into my abuser – all over religion. His daughter refuses to speak to me, and our mother is hurting but sympathetic. I have an appointment to speak to a psychologist soon to help me deal with the emotional impact of the situation. The simple fact of the matter is that no one has done more to turn me away from Christianity than Rick has – I think that is poetic irony.

Today I am a confident atheist, one not afraid of god or hell. And if I could say one thing to my brother is that he shouldn’t bother to pray for me because I’ve committed the unforgivable sin – I DENY THE HOLY SPIRIT!