By Patrice ~ I wrote a short description of how I was feeling at the start of my deconversion . One thing I know is that mentally, I am pretty far gone from Christianity--even the fear of hell is SLOWLY dissolving. What I think I'm dealing with now is a lot of ANGER, mixed with confusion. I know that I am in a rush to be completely free of this but I can't rush myself. I just recognized that there was a BIG problem in my belief system and I'm determined to start listening to myself for a change. Image by tizianoj via Flickr I just keep thinking of all my experiences as a Christian. And most if not all of them were laced with the emotion of guilt. Even from a young age. During communion we always had to pray first and examine ourselves and me being a perfectionist was always, always so deadly afraid of something being wrong inside me. Something I didn't confess or really didn't believe-this is at around nine years old. I shouldn't have felt guilty ...

By Patrice ~ H ello to whoever may read this. I've been coming to this site for a little while, probably a little over a month. It takes alot for me to write on this site, even now, with my questions and honest disgust with Christianity--I still feel somewhat like a blasphemer. But, I can't help that when I read a lot of the rants and testimonies that I feel what they feel. Image by ·BigGolf· via Flickr I have felt so much guilt, fear and just plain old pressure from trying to live the Christian life and honestly in my heart of hearts...I don't want to be a Christian anymore. I'm not worried about what to call myself or if I'm even comfortable calling myself an agnostic just yet. I know that I don't wish to or even want to go back to being a Christian. I hope to be able to be fully free of this someday and put my testimony on here with confidence. I've been a Christian for almost all of my life (since 8yrs old and I'm 27 now). My heart is...