Nothing There and No One Listening

By James Wilhelm ~

I came from a Catholic family and grew up in the 50's, 60's and early 70's. I'm the second oldest – now 65 – and have a sister two years older. We went to Catholic schools, catechism classes, mass every week, confessed our "sins" to a priest every month and all the usual nonsense connected with this brand of Christianity.

My parents held strict Catholic beliefs. We had aunts and uncles that were priests, nuns and other holy people. We were deeply entrenched. We believed that priests were one step lower than God. They were prefect – we were lowly ignorant children. The expectation was that we children shut-up, and if there were any blame to go around it was always us kids that took the hit. My father would say over and over and over, "Children should be seen and not heard," and he abusively meant it.

My older sister revealed to me just recently that while attending Catholic school as a child she was abused by a priest. She held this in for over 50 years. The irony here is that while this was happening she was forced – by my parents – to go to "confession" every month to confess her "sins" to the very priest abusing her. In addition, she wouldn't disclose this to my parents as she knew they would not believe her and would blame her instead of the priest. There was no doubt about this in her mind – no doubt.

Once you get past the warm fussy feelings that belief in religion, the "Holy Spirit" and "Jesus" gives you, there is nothing there. The reality here is, once you get past the warm fussy feelings that belief in religion the "Holy Spirit" and "Jesus" gives you, there is nothing there. Nothing. And you are left to pick up the pieces of your life, forced to move on – alone – knowing deep inside there is nothing there. And you instinctively and painfully understand that most shallow Christians who insist they "love" Jesus  have probably never experienced any real adversity in their miserable religious lives, but will nonetheless enthusiastically criticize you for your unbelief.

This is one of the many, many painfully true events in my life concerning Christianity.

Thank you for reading.

Coping With Religious Family Over the Holidays

By Marlene Winell ~

At this time of year it’s hard to avoid dealing with the differences you have with your family. If you are a “reclaimer” (reclaiming your life after being religious) who has been raised in a religious household, holiday times can be very uncomfortable when other family members are still devout. Having worked through these issues with many clients, here are a few guidelines that might be helpful. 

I’ll start by suggesting you write in a journal, starting now and continuing through the holidays. This can help you sort through jumbled thoughts and emotions, stay on track with how you are trying to handle things, take care of yourself, and learn. There are exercises here to prompt your thinking.

In general, if you plan to be with family at this time, it helps a great deal to approach the holidays with a high level of consciousness. In other words, don’t just blindly go home for Christmas, hoping it will be fine. What do you really expect it might be like? This refers to both external factors and how you will feel. What experiences have you had so far with your family? What have you found to work or not work in getting along? Write something about this in your journal.

Sometimes reclaimers simply avoid going home in order to avoid conflict. At times this is the only healthy course of action. But sometimes, by planning ahead, it can be possible to navigate around the land mines. The difference in this approach, compared to simply not showing up, is that you are acting out of reasoned choice and not out of fear or anger.

In the process of recovering from the harm done by religious indoctrination, most people reach a point at which they must weigh “coming out” as a nonbeliever because the tension of “integrity vs. intimacy” becomes too much. That is, the urge to be true to oneself becomes stronger than the need for approval required to stay close to family members. It does not need to happen right away, and can take a variety of forms. However, holiday time puts pressure on your relationships, and it could raise this question for you. If you haven’t already, spend some time thinking about whether this is the time to come out with family. It may or may not be. There are also degrees of being “out” and probably different family members to consider being more or less open with about your new thoughts and feelings.

Here’s a basic plan for coping. There are external action items, as well as internal or mental techniques. You may notice a bonus here, which is that there are great lessons to learn that apply to your growth and recovery generally.

Preparation

Clarify Intention. As you think about what you want to do, realize that you do not have an obligation to spend holiday time with family. (What?) If you commit not to do anything out of guilt or obligation, this will make it easier to choose what amount of contact you want and what form it will take. You need to let your parents take responsibility for their own feelings, which are often the result of choices they have made in their own lives. It doesn’t mean you have to be unkind. You can certainly be empathic in your expression, such as, “I know you would like me to be home for Christmas and this is a surprise, and I’m sorry you feel disappointed. At the same time, spending it on my own this year is what I feel is best for me, and I’m hoping you will accept that.” You can also suggest alternative plans for what you think is workable – the number of days, phone contact instead, inviting them to your place, etc.

If this sounds like you being the grown-up, that’s right. Especially if you are in early stages of recovering from religion, you are learning about taking care of yourself. In the language I use for this, your Adult self is learning to take charge and care for your Child self. You are no longer considering yourself helpless, weak, stupid, or basically bad. You don’t need saving and you don’t need to outsource your needs for guidance and love to a god or church. This is great and freeing; it’s also a big responsibility. When you go visit your parents, your Adult absolutely needs to take good care of your Child. Otherwise, it is all too easy to regress to a childlike state and have problems fairly immediately.

Let me explain a bit more about this, because this is a powerful coping strategy. Your Adult is the part of you that can think rationally, have intention, and plan ahead. It’s also the part that can nurture and care for your Child self by advocating for your Child’s needs. So, before you even start on this visit, you, as an adult, can think about your Intention for this visit. Do you want it to be a jolly Christmas just like when you were a kid, with Santa and hot chocolate? Are you going to church on Christmas Eve? Why or why not? How will you handle it? Will you be discussing your beliefs? Do you want any religion at all? Why do you want to go? What are you hoping for that is actually possible? What are you willing to let go of that is not possible? Do you want to engage in debates? Will you be “coming out”? If you are asked about who you are now or what you believe, how will you answer?

Writing exercise: Write out your intentions for your visit.

Self-care.  Now, as you know, the best of intentions don’t always work out. That’s why you feel nervous. In the self-care terminology I’m using, it’s your Child that’s scared, and it’s my opinion that your real obligation is to make sure that your Child feels safe, both before and during the visit. (This usage of “Child” refers to the natural, innocent, child-like, emotional aspect of you that requires love and care, and is vulnerable. It was not sinful at birth, and when healed from abusive indoctrination, can be happy and healthy.) This might mean taking breaks in order to self-soothe with some positive self-talk. Ultimately, it would include promising to simply leave if the situation became too uncomfortable. I always explain to my clients that as they are healing, the trust between Adult and Child needs to strengthen, so a good thing is to promise your Child that you will take her/him away if a situation gets bad or painful, just like you would a real child who was struggling.

Christmas is often a little tender for an inner child since there might be memories of good things, sadness over losses, or confusion at this time. If you spend a little time consulting your Child about what aspects of the holiday you still want to experience, what do you find? Making cookies? Writing cards to family and friends? Singing? Playing in the snow? Cutting paper snow flakes? If you want to avoid the commercialism of too much gift buying, are there substitutes you prefer? If you are not just a victim of the holiday, what might you accept or arrange for your little self to enjoy? Or what would you help others enjoy? For ideas about celebrating and reclaiming the Christmas holiday as a nonbeliever, go Here for an article by Valerie Tarico.

Imagining various scenarios, what do you think your options might be if you get overwhelmed by your relatives’ religious talk? Can you excuse yourself, take a break, change the subject, focus on something else? Do you need to bring anything along to help? A game or puzzle?

Writing exercise: Write a letter to your Inner Child from your Adult self, explaining how you will provide protection during the visit, and promising to leave if necessary. Describe the fun things that will be included. Talk about what you will do if you are getting triggered by too much religiosity. Make a list of options you will have ready.

Reframe the Religion.  Especially if your family is very devout and authoritarian about their beliefs, you need to have a way of thinking about their religion that is different from the way you did as a child. That may sound obvious because intellectually you have decided you don’t believe any more. However, when in the situation, you may respond emotionally, and even intensely. This is not because you have reverted to “believing” but because you can be triggered at a gut level to fear that it is true. Rethinking this belief system is a larger task of recovery that can take time and work, and is very important. For now, the challenge is to be in your old environment and not slip into being your old self or be intimidated by old forces. You can prepare by thinking about what this religion is – e.g., a belief system like many other ancient systems that has evolved to help people cope with what they don’t understand, a virus, a meme complex, etc. Anything but The Truth. Even if it feels true because everyone around you is treating it like the truth. Hundreds of years ago everyone believed the earth was flat, it looked flat, and it felt flat. But that wasn’t true either.

Thinking about the religion as the source of the conflict, difference, pain, and separation in your family (or at least part of it), may help you feel less direct anger or frustration with the people involved. As a virus, religion propagates by getting passed on to small children, and continues through generations. Essentially, your parents were infected and thus victims as well. They did not have these religious ideas at birth, and even now, they each have an inner child too (weird, huh?) You were fortunate to escape, and also to be congratulated for finding your way out! A holiday visit is probably not the time to go deep into family work, so I’m not suggesting you look for understanding each other, find forgiveness, or anything else that is complicated. However, just knowing that your family members did not invent this very pernicious system might help you relax and have a bit of compassion. It does mean that you did not suffer or that your issues will not ever be addressed.

Writing exercise: Before you head for a family get-together, write about how you conceptualize your religion now, and review your reasons for leaving. How does it feel to view your relatives in the context of larger forces?

Communicate clearly with family.   After sorting through all your thoughts and feelings, you need to state clearly to your relatives your intentions for your time together. This is before you leave home. I suggest this be done simply and from the heart, and say more, not less. Include all of your feelings – your nervousness, your hesitation, your hopes, your fears, your love, your clarity about limits. It helps to write it down first, or rehearse it with someone. Here’s an example. You would alter it to suit you of course. I’ve written it as if a monologue, but it would be broken up to allow the other person to speak.

A Journey Free Retreat weekend, led by Dr. Marlene Winell, provides a safe place to process experiences with the support of others who understand. The next retreat is January 17-20, 2020. CLICK HERE for more information.

“Hi Mom, I’ve been trying to decide what to do about Christmas and this is hard for me to talk about. I’m a bit worried I don’t have the right words, so please be patient with me here. (deep breath). The last thing I want to do is upset you, and I know that you might have to get used to what’s happening with me. I’ve changed so much and not always comfortable being around family. . . I’m sure you went through a lot of growing up changes when you were my age too. . . . I hope you can understand. . . anyway I do want to see you guys and I want to have a nice time. I love you. I know you want to see me. . . I won’t be staying for a full week like usual; it’ll just be three days. . . I just need a bit of time for myself this year. . . yes, I can hear that you are disappointed, and I’m sorry about that. . . I do want to make the time we have together the best we can, and I have some suggestions about that. We always enjoy hikes in the woods so lets remember to do that, ok? And here’s something important – I’d like to keep our conversations to what we are doing in our regular lives, and of course chat about what we are doing together in the moment, like making your famous pecan pie, which I want to learn, by the way. I’d like to stay away from religion for now since I’m sorting that out for myself and I’m not comfortable discussing it. I know that this isn’t easy for you but I’m hoping you can accept it so that I can feel relaxed. . . I certainly don’t want to be avoiding you or avoiding a visit on Christmas. I just have to be honest, you know? Also, I won’t be going to church on Christmas Eve. But I’d love to babysit the grandkids and play games with them while you are out. Do you have any more ideas? Anything you’d like me to bring?”

Naturally, you would be pausing to listen to let the other party speak and respond with empathy. That is, gently and with understanding rephrase what you have heard so they know that you are listening. At the end of the call, it’s okay to ask them to repeat back to you what you have said, e.g. “Could you do something for me before we finish? This is important to me and I’ll be much more relaxed if I feel sure I’ve communicated well. Could you please repeat back to me what you think I’m asking so I can know if I’ve been clear?” And of course, “Thank-you, I appreciate it,” etc.

Writing exercise: Write out what you want to say to your family when you discuss your holiday plans.

Support.   Have a buddy. While you prepare for this visit, talk it over with someone who understands. This may be a fellow “reclaimer” or just a good friend. They can help by role-playing your phone conversation with family and also be there to listen to just your side of the conversation. This helps you to see yourself in part through their eyes rather than just through the eyes of the person on the other end of the call. During your family visit as well, it’s a good idea to arrange to have someone available to you to talk and get support. At a time of stress, you might well benefit from calling this friend.

Back-up plan. If you know that the visit might not go well, and you might have to leave in order to take care of yourself, plan ahead for what you will do. Set up a clear plan for where you will go and what pleasant activities you have in mind.

Writing exercise: Describe what you will do instead if your family visit ends early.

During the Visit

Maintain intention.   Bring along your journal and have your written intention handy to reread to remind yourself. You will probably need this. Most people find it challenging to stay “Adult” when certain situations call for it. Being with religious family is usually one of them. This is not to say your Child cannot play and hopefully there will be opportunity for that. But to stay safe, and feel like you are maintaining who you are now, rereading your intentions will help. You can add to the journaling of course, and you will notice developments. One of them will be to relate to family members with new awareness. You may have some new compassion for a cousin who seem stuck in the faith, for example. Or you may see how your mother obeys your father and represses her own expression. If your intention is “to spend some quality time with close family members and keep connected,” you can concentrate on that and not drift into debates.

Staying with your intentions may also include repeating yourself to others. What you said at the beginning before coming to the holiday gathering may need restating, to more than one person, and more than one time. If you aren’t afraid to do this, and express yourself with both compassion and assertiveness, your sense of self will begin to feel more self-defined and less vulnerable.

Step Back.  Play anthropologist. Once you have recognized that religion is a huge meme complex that takes on a power of its own, you can view people within that system from that perspective. Other reclaimers I’ve known have found it very useful to visit family and maintain some distance by pretending to have the viewpoint of an anthropologist. This attitude is nonjudgmental, curious, and unemotional. An anthropologist often takes the role of “participant observer” in order to gain access to a group, and learn about their customs. So you can watch everyone bow their heads, close their eyes and speak to an imaginary being, and find that very interesting without freaking out. They might all go off to celebrate the child of this imaginary being who was born thousands of years ago, and has somehow saved them. Fascinating. The songs are also quite amazing in the stories they tell.

Writing exercise: As a social scientist, describe in your journal what you are learning about this culture you are observing. Let yourself enjoy the quirky things you are noticing.

Translate the words. Now sometimes it can get more personal, and that when it’s more challenging. How do you feel when you are asked, “Where are you fellowshipping now?” We forget how arbitrary the Christian symbols and terms are in the vast array of mythological options. How about the Greek gods or Atlantis or Rama and Sita? What about Australian “little people,” Irish leprechauns, and faeries? You can diffuse the heavy loading of Christian language by translating words in your head. When your father asks you, “How’s your walk with the Lord?”, you can hear “How’s your walk with the leprechaun king?” and “When did you go to church last?” translates “When did you last dance with the faeries in the moonlight?” If they read the Bible together, you can see them in a cave poring over ancient leprechaun scriptures. Of course they believe all of it, and you won’t be able to convince them otherwise. More importantly, you don’t need to get scared, or even angry. When you reply, “That’s not really part of my life anymore,” you can do so calmly, as if you just don’t make treks into the forest to see fairies at midnight any longer.

Writing exercise: Describe what it is like to reinterpret Christian messages and respond accordingly.

It’s not all about you. Much as these relationship issues may hurt, the truth is that it’s not personal. Religion itself causes separation between people, it causes dogmatism, and it makes it very difficult for people to listen, change, or learn. This religion your family has is much bigger than you. So if you do not take it personally, you will be much happier. Try to breathe and bring some equanimity to the situation, knowing that you have done nothing wrong.

Step Up.  Stay with your values. Regardless of what is happening, do what you want to do because that is what you have decided. For example, if everyone wants to do more shopping, and you want some fun time with the children, choose that. Reclaim your holiday. Remember why you decided to make the visit. Do what brings you and others joy and meaning. Connect as humans. That may sound funny but the truth is religious people develop dual personalities. One lives in a “spiritual” world of angels and demons and worries about sin and an afterlife. The other is an ordinary human being like you and me who likes to eat good food, needs love, watches movies, appreciates sunsets, hates traffic jams, and will help rescue a kitten. That person likes compliments, wants to feel needed, etc. There are personality differences, but basic human needs are the same and you can stick to this human level as you relate. In fact, I’ve found that many religious people actually appreciate being treated in a deeply genuine way. Like everyone else, they like to be heard, they want to matter, and they need to have their thoughts and feelings count. So the best way to get along, believe it or not, is to ignore their religion. Simply focus on the human side of life, and if they bring up religious things, bring it back to reality. If that doesn’t work, take a break, and/or repeat your intention like I describe in the beginning.

Let go of approval. A leftover from religious training is to judge absolutely everything. This includes evaluating yourself, and being concerned about what other people think. Yet, you’ll find that it is extremely liberating to do what you consider the right thing to do simply because it fits with your identity and your integrity. We often want others to appreciate us when we do good things. And in this case, if you are working very hard to become the person you really want to be, it would be nice to get acceptance, if not approval. But if you let go of that you can get satisfaction from choosing to act in harmony with your new, self-chosen values regardless of others’ reaction. Then, if your family sees you and understands you, great. If not, you have done a marvelous thing by just being with them and being yourself. It also helps to not take yourself too seriously. Don’t forget to enjoy the lighter side of your connections with others.

A word of caution and congratulations.  Don’t set yourself up to do everything well. You will do some things well and other things will go awry. If all went seamlessly, that would be weird. If you have to leave early, that is fine. Go to Plan B like you planned and enjoy yourself. Take care of your Child above all.

If there is a family blow-up, so be it. Everything is process. No matter what, you and everyone else will learn. Sometimes intense emotions just have to be expressed. Sometimes family crises just have to happen, just like forest fires are a natural part of a cycle. It’s no one’s fault. It certainly helps to hang on to your sense of humor. No matter what, you are on a journey, and you are growing and healing and reclaiming your life.

Writing exercise: Don’t miss out on lessons learned. Write about what this was like for you and how you grew from the experience. In addition to the serious bits, include the funny parts.

Dealing with your family during the holidays is a step in your journey. It takes courage to recover from religion so again, I congratulate you.

Without God I Am Nothing?

By Carl S ~

Here's one of my favorite jokes: A cruise ship was thrown off course in a storm. After the storm passed, the captain noticed a small island in the distance, not found on his maps. He ordered the ship to come near to it. Embarking with some crew members, they found a man roaming the beach and asked him how he got there. It seems he was the only survivor of a shipwreck recorded thirty years before. The captain told this man, “I don't know how you didn't go out of your mind, all alone here.” The answer came as the man flung his arm around an invisible being: “I never would have made it without Irene!”

There's a site, “Without God I Am Nothing Quotes.” Oh? Does one have to believe God/Irene exists, in order to be a person? Really? Why doesn’t religion ASK us to believe, instead of TELLING us what to believe? My question is, since there's no proof this God/Irene is real, does that mean you might NOT be the “somebody” you think you are? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

St. Paul, the initial founder of Christianity, writes in Galatians 2:13, “For if anyone thinks he is SOMETHING, when he is NOTHING, he deceives himself.” Well - I'm something until I die, and then - I'm nothing. That's not deceiving myself. That's just the way things are. St. Paul is often quoted as saying, in Corinthians 15: 14: “and if Christ has NOT been raised from death, we have NOTHING to preach, and we have NOTHING to believe.” Oh please! Wouldn't everyone be better off without clerics preaching at them? Wouldn't it be comforting, not believing in hellfire? That won't happen as long as eternal life includes the fear of eternal torture. People who believe in Nothing Without God are scared shitless of Hell, and can't accept becoming no more, preferring even eternal hellfire, since in Hell, at least you're somebody.

What of those who make the “humble” claim they are “Nothing without Christ?” This reminds me of a priest my wife and I knew. She said he “has no ego.” This man raised enough money to have a huge church built, but without ego? He went on to leave the priesthood, marry, and raise the money to have a non-denominational church built. Maybe he'll say he couldn't have done it without Christ/Irene. Yeah, right. As a godless individual, you can do a lot of good for people just by listening to them when others won't bother. You might not know it, but what you say can mean so much to another. They might even say, “God bless you!” I've received responses for merely listening, from those who don't know I'm doing it without their god. For such as them, we are really SOMETHING.

You'll hear many giving credit to God, or Christ, for the good works they do. (Somehow, the rest of us manage this without them.) They can agree with St. Paul, in Philippians 4:13, “I can do ALL things through him who strengthens me.” This mind-set proudly makes co-believers special “SOMETHINGS” from the rest of us, doesn't it? Which leads us to ask, “ALL things? Didn't your Christ say that all who believed in him would do “even greater works than I do?” So, are you doing greater works than raising the dead, restoring sight to the blind, feeding five thousand with two fishes and five loaves of bread, etc., etc.?

It isn't just the “Nothing Without God Quotes,” though. Another site, “Bible Reasons” has “Being Nothing Without God.” If you read the opening joke, you're already substituting, “Being Nothing Without Irene.” Why not, since they're both REAL! Bible Reasons emits hand-picked quotes from scriptures to bolster its case. These are the “answers” drummed up by men who didn't know where the sun went at night. And since the Jews are the best joke tellers on earth, we might consider their scriptures comically exaggerated, all fancy fables of a cosmic joke. Well, IS life worth NOTHING without their god? Let's take a look at what they preach:

1 “Without God you would have NO LIFE AT ALL.”

Strange, I could swear I must have been lied to, since everyone tells me I began breathing when someone slapped me on the butt. And my conception? That was an accident. If my parents were alive, they'd confirm it.

2 “Outside of Christ there is NO reality,”

Oh really? Reality didn't exist before Christ? And what about reality? Is your personal “savior,” “Christ/ Irene” the greatest reality in your life? According to you, reality doesn't exist for Jews, Moslems, Buddhists, atheists, etc.? Get real.

3 “Outside of Christ there is NO logic.”

This empty claim comes from a tradition of trying to make sense of, and excuses for, the illogical. “Religidiculous logic” varies anywhere from contortional mind frustration to “Just believe it!” This is why logic from an unbeliever is ignored, for as Paul wrote in I Corinthians, v. 18, 19, “Let no man deceive himself. If any of you thinks he is WISE, he should become a FOOL, so that he may become wise. The wisdom of this world is foolishness with God,” No thank you, but I'll just remain worldly-wise and pass it on. And by the way, along the way being a fool, does one stop being a fool? So - We the logical, are nobodies?

4 “Outside of Christ, there is NO REASON for ANYTHING.”

Golly gee! I guess everyone who can't accept this should go commit suicide. Scientists should stop looking for answers; no one who isn't a believer should bother looking for reasons for anything. Like the xmas carol, O Holy Night proclaims, before Christ, the world was, “in sin and error pining 'til he appeared.” The world was NOT pining; it was socializing, inventing, discovering, philosophizing, and progressing. In other words, pretty much dealing with surviving and dealing with problems others created, including gods. Eliminate God, gods, Christ, and all that other stuff, and you'll STILL have people like these “without” jerks telling you there must be a reason and they'll tell you the reason is what they're selling.

5 “Everything was made for Christ.”

So why doesn't he claim it? Better yet, now tell us again how everything was made for us?

6 “Your next breath comes from Christ and is to go back to Christ.”

Tell that to the billions of non-Christians, and see where it gets you. Breathing or not breathing is unavoidably natural. It doesn’t begin until exiting the womb. When breathing finally stops, it doesn't “go back” to anywhere. Religions want NO connection with this reality.

I'd like to dismiss the nonsense propagated on these sites as radical; but THESE ARE CHRISTIAN BELIEFS, taught to millions of children and unsuspecting natives worldwide.

Bible Reasons and Christianity, Islam and Judaism, are telling you and me our lives have no meaning: we have nothing, are nothing, there is no logic, no reason for anything in our lives, no reality, or direction, and we don't truly have a life... without their God. Yep, without accepting their version of Irene, the rest of us are “nothing.”

No emotionally stable person would willingly choose to accept such negativity. Now, I'm going to have a nice day making love with my wife, while I'm still SOMETHING.

Jesus Did it Again

By James Wilhelm ~

(The following is a true story - one of many I have personally come across during my 40+ year journey through Christianity.)

I have a good friend - a dependable, devout, genteel type of guy. Regularly attended church - always participating in "fellowship" and other church activities. Being single - he met a girl in church and quietly and discretely dated her. One night a very clear dream came - God wanted him to marry her! God answered his prayer! They married months later and soon a child followed. Turned out his new wife was a secret drug addict - and within two years sunk deeper into addiction and eventually killed herself. Now - totally broken and no faith he's struggling to explain to his child what happened to her mother.

The real issue is how do you stop from being angry, bitter and resentful at a God you believed in that really doesn't exit? This is the conundrum of many of us who have abandoned religion. My anger is toward the thoughtless people that arrogantly believe God exists, that the Bible is real and that wish hell on you when you feel otherwise. It is a real struggle for me. The arrogance and self-righteousness of religious people that have never really struggled with anything serious in life is the real problem. Letting go of that bitterness and moving on is the challenge many of us nonbelievers face. I wish all of us well.

Thanks for reading this true story.

Hell, is no one asking the children?

By Carl S ~

When wars are planned, when invasions begin, when atrocities are committed, when religious and other ideologies seek domination, who considers the impact and ravages on children? Driven by adult fanaticism, who among those fanatics cares how the new generation will suffer? Who considers the damage to their psyches, their nightmares, the results of creating orphans, the damage done by terrifying innocent children with threats of hellfire? What about children whose parents and guardians choose to live in cults, where they are abused, or their lives wasted if they have to die with them?

Why don't the Ten Commandments include a prohibition against sexual abuse? Why are there no prohibitions against sex abuse in scriptures or in any writings by those who “speak for God?”

Right now, go to OpenBible and enter, “What does the bible say about killing children?” The compilers list “100 verses;” only about half of which apply. If you read them all, you'll notice the contradiction between “you shall not kill” and “you must kill.” These compilers depend on religious readers to be true to form and ignore this. It's obvious: the Bible God doesn't give a shit about children, born or unborn. In fact, he often commands they be slaughtered or enslaved.

Spiritual morality loses all meaning when so-called moral men overlook and conceal men who shove their erect penises into the anuses and vaginas of children; when their superiors do everything to protect them at all costs, and not the kids. Why is this s.o.p. for a monotheistic religion with a hypocritical and perverse history of twisting of, denial to, and repression of normal sexuality? Is this a facade for fundamentalist clergy to engage in hidden sexual dalliances, child pornography, abusing pick-of-the-crop innocent kids?

Just think of the horrible consequences for children from conflicts, both in their domestic surroundings and cultures, inevitably resulting from the unresolved differences of adults. And think of how they are exploited by enforced indoctrination into accepting extreme ideologies and fundamentalisms.

Religions are driven to instill a sense of shame into children from the time they first learn. But where is the shame with the clergy, for it sure looks as if they have none? This is my persistent question.

Why don't the Ten Commandments include a prohibition against sexual abuse? Why are there no prohibitions against sex abuse in scriptures or in any writings by those who “speak for God?”So, we really need to ask, how do the children feel about those decisions affecting their lives and futures? Do they want to be indoctrinated? Don't they want security, peace, and co-operation among and with adults? Do they want their parents and friends killed right in front of them, their homes destroyed? Shouldn't children be asked if they want a parent to go off and fight in yet another one of mankind's never-ending, stupid sectarian conflicts? Do children have rights at all? Should they be taught they're “born bad” and have this stigma become a self-fulfilling prophesy as their inheritance?

What if the children were allowed to cast the deciding votes on these questions? Wouldn't the world be a much more peaceful and accepting environment for all humans?

This is not what the Abrahamic God wants. And who are we to question the policies of an All-loving, All-wise, Father-God of three Abrahamic religions? Who are we who blaspheme by exhibiting something: Children have the sense, wisdom, love, and compassion, that's absent in a god who they're taught cares for them? The contrast is gigantic. Is it any wonder why he would hate children?

At this point you might ask, “Hell you doin' about it?" Funny you should ask. Just a few minutes ago I was thinking about evolutionary adaptation and survival. It would seem that beyond mere survival there is a definite tool for progress through what I'll call, “little triumphs of the inventive mind.” Subtle cleverness appears built-into the minds of higher animals. Which includes me.

Take my marital relationship. Because my wife knows I undeniably love her, she, the intelligent non-non-Christian, I'm in a position to “get through,” not by speaking as I do here, but by appealing to our mutual moral standards. I think the trouble we all have with believers is: they're not paying attention. Not even to what they claim to believe. Sometimes even ridicule doesn't work to get a reaction, and that's sayin' somethin'. Sometimes, trust in clergy must be challenged when examples of clergy abuse are spotlighted. On this, we are together. And though I see her reactions to cartoons mocking beliefs, she doesn't comment. (Maybe it's because they get interspersed with the “anti” undeniably funny ones. As one teacher said, “Laughter is the enemy of dogma.”)

I'm new to the internet, so I let my wife know that if there's any charity she questions, I can find the info she wants. As a result, she no longer contributes to a mission because I found out it's Catholic. You may read what I've written so far, but I go further, into activism. Because I've read so much, I also share information with my wife. Several times I mentioned, “I can't believe Native American children in mission schools aren't being abused.” Now she throws away their mail requests for support. These are my erosions, batterings against religious foundations; my little triumphs of an inventive mind.

I support SNAP, the survivors’ network, Planned Parenthood, and other organizations empowering women around the world. (It's encouraging to know that $1.00 in U.S. money is worth so much more in third world countries.) My letters to the editor aren't much different than these writings, but toned down for a general audience. So yeah, I'm not just talking. If the children don't read them, I hope their parents will.

Jesus killed my mother

By Lisa ~

I feel like I need to get this out so what better place then among other non-believers. My mother died of Gallbladder cancer 5 1/2 years ago. She was a type II Diabetic, Charismatic Christian. My mother (the narcissist) proclaimed to everyone she knew after one of her very spirit filled experiences at church, that "the Lord" spoke directly in her ear and said "IT IS FINISHED". My mother was convinced that God was speaking to her about her diabetes and surely she is now healed. She proceeded to tell her entire family (which the majority also had diabetes) that she was HEALED... and she didn't need to go to the doctor anymore, no pills, Jesus took it away.

While the rest of her family were also "believers," none shared her joy in the news and most thought she was a little crazy for being so bold about it. I mean really.. even if you did believe Jesus could take away the disease, why her? Why her over them? My mother would get defensive and angry with anyone who would question her or even not share in her joy. In her mind we should have all been praising the Lord so we could have enough faith to believe in our much needed miracles.

Right away my mother was irritated with everyone's lack of faith. Surely she is more favored in the eyes of Lord for having the faith of a mustard seed. My mother had also succumbed to the belief that if she didn't believe she received a true miracle from God, the devil would steal her healing (this is what the Charismatics teach).

"The Lord" spoke directly in her ear and said "IT IS FINISHED". My mother was convinced that God was speaking to her about her diabetes and surely she is now healed.My mother eventually had to see a doctor for other issues (well at least that's what she told me), she would say that it was her Thyroid, too much cortisol in her body (reason for being so heavy) etc. I would ask her if they were checking her blood sugars and she would admit that they were still "a little high" because sometimes the healing is "gradual"... ME: "Yes of course mother, Jesus likes to make you wait it's all a lesson isn't it.. (eye roll)."

For years because my mother didn't want to take any medication to control her diabetes she walked around with High blood sugar in her system, no
energy, swollen feet and a whole host of other symptoms. But even though she felt like shit she would still proclaim her healing to strangers, and often enjoy a full pancake breakfast with Strawberry syrup! This way Jesus would see her unmoved faith! Surely the Healing would be complete soon.

Instead, she got a rotted inside, full of cancer.

Look, I never was very close to my mother and religion was a state of contention between us. She tried to pull me in and I would bite and get a
little crazy too, then I would pull away, and bite again because of the guilt my mother placed on me for "Not being right with God". It was a
battle of the mind for years and years. It isn't until now a free thinking Atheist that I can make sense of it all.

Daughter of a Narcissistic Religious woman. May I never repeat the patterns.

A painful lesson in life

By James W ~

I grew up in a strict Catholic family of seven children. Fear was always present – fear of God - fear of my very abusive parents – fear of life – fear of myself. At 15 years old stress and depression finally overcame me. I was barely able to maintain. I asked my parents for help - I was rapidly losing the ability to cope. My mother – a very mean person - totally ignored me and didn’t care - my father screamed and yelled at me. I sunk deeper but somehow managed to graduate high school and left home for a technical school at 18. I started drinking.

I graduated an 18 month technical school and got a job - but the stress and depression now overcame me and I was hospitalized four times. I spent a year and a half in a mental hospital. In the last hospital stay I met a man that introduced me to fundamental Christianity. I decided to “give my life to Jesus” and get “saved”. From that point I slowly began to cope and understand things better – at least I thought.

At 25 years old I felt God wanted me to leave the hospital and live in a Christian “community”. The leaders claimed they “loved” me and I fell for it. Thinking I was now going to be safe because Jesus loves me I started to recover. I read the Bible all the time. It was amazing. “Jesus lives!” But just under the surface things were getting worse.

I felt God wanted me to [...] live in a Christian “community”. The leaders claimed they “loved” me and I fell for it. Over the months the “community” leaders subtly controlled me using the bible and sin as a weapon. God was speaking to them - they claimed. And “worldly” things and people were everywhere. Now I know better. I became very, very confused and cycled down like never before. The whole concept of God, Jesus, and religion became guilt, fear, demons and devils- as my “salvation was now in jeopardy. I lost any ground I had made. I stayed there a year- finally broke free but was left with nothing - totally depleted of everything emotionally and mentally and nowhere to go. Jesus and Christianity raped me in so many ways. I learned years later the leader of the Christian community was suffering from early onset dementia at the time and eventually died from it. What a loving God we have to bring me there. If Jesus / God were real - he sure screwed with me.

My story is even longer but now I’m in my middle 60’s - still picking up the pieces. Religion is so damaging. You can use the Bible and Jesus to justify any behavior. Over the years I’ve learned and researched that religion is mythology and Jesus never really existed - and that I’m sure of. I’ve learned so much more – and have had so many experiences I can relate. But at this point thanks for reading.

Troubled by Christianity? Blame Paul.

By Gary T. McDonald, author of The Gospel of Thomas (the Younger) ~

What happened? How did the wise, compassionate, Buddhist-like teachings of the Sermon on the Mount end up morphing into this highly judgmental believe-or-burn imperative religion?

Well, who invented Christianity?

The Apostle Paul did more to spread the Christian cult throughout the Roman Empire and into Western culture than anyone else. Paul’s letters and, later, the Gospels of his followers, Mark, then Luke and Mathew, are the earliest Christian writings and sources of history we have. And they were all written decades after Jesus’ death.

Jesus’ brother James became the leader of the Jerusalem-based “Way Followers” after Jesus’ crucifixion. We know from Paul’s letters and The Acts of the Apostles that there were significant disagreements between James and Paul on various issues. We have no writings from the Jerusalem “Way Followers” at all. We only have a summation of these disagreements from the Pauline camp. And it would not serve their interests to bring up disagreements about basic Pauline positions like the divinity of Jesus and belief in Jesus’ divinity as a requirement for salvation. Keeping the matter of these disagreements confined to issues like the need for Gentiles to obey circumcision and dietary requirements, etc., served the Pauline camp. It gave them a few areas of disagreement to point to for the historical record since it was well known there were disagreements. But if it were known there were disagreements with those who actually knew Jesus in life on his divinity, etc., it would undermine Paul’s cult dogma on the foundational points.

Using the Pauline camp’s own history, we can guess that there may have been disagreement between the two groups on these points. How? When the Way Followers were arrested and tried by the Sanhedrin, the leader of the Pharisees speaks up for them and they are promptly freed (Acts, Chap.5).

But later, when the Hellenized Jew Stephen is arrested, he is convicted and stoned to death (Acts, Chap. 7). Despite possible Pauline obfuscation about these two incidents in Acts, this suggests to me that the Way Followers were preaching something different (and less provocative) than what the Hellenized Jews preached.

What is meant by “Hellenized” Jews? Hellas is the Greek name for continental Greece. Hellenized means Greek-speaking and Greek cultured. During Paul’s time, the Romans ruled the Mediterranean World. But they ruled a world that had previously been conquered and cultured by the
Greeks. So the cultured Romans spoke Greek and Roman writers wrote in Greek during this period. Paul and the gospel writers also wrote in Greek.

The Way Followers in Jerusalem may simply have believed Jesus was a possible Messiah (a prophet like Elijah or king like David) who they hoped would return soon to finish his mission of redeeming Israel. But that’s very different from saying (like the Hellenized Jews) Jesus was divine which would have been regarded as blasphemy by Palestinian Jews. Again, we only have the Pauline camp’s side of the story.

Paul himself learned the foundations of the Christian cult’s dogma from what I believe were its inventors, the Hellenized Jews (mentioned in Chap. 6 of Acts) in Damascus where they fled after Stephen’s execution. Jews who had grown up in Greece, or Hellenized Egypt, Rome, or what we now call Turkey (like Paul who was from Tarsus) were very different in culture from Jews raised in Palestine where the Hebrew temple religion was the dominant cultural fact of life. These Hellenized Jews were accustomed to “mystery cults” that featured demigods (offspring of a mortal and a god) who live as mortal humans and sometimes perform resurrections or die in some sacrificial manner to aid the human plight (Dionysus, Isis, Attis, Baal-Tarraz).

It would not be surprising that they used Jesus’ story as a basis for a mystery cult of their own since Jews were not welcome in the other cults. But this sort of thing may have been distasteful, if not roundly rejected, by the Jerusalem Way Followers. If so, we would not know it from the Pauline camp’s perhaps obfuscated history in the New Testament.

Paul encountered these Hellenized Jews after his dramatic, life-changing experience on the road to Damascus. He learned their take on Jesus’ life and death. And their stories about the Resurrection.

The earliest version of the earliest Gospel (Mark) ends with three women being upset by finding Jesus’ tomb empty three days after his death. (Later versions add material about his resurrection also contained in the later Gospels.) We have two choices here. We can believe that a corpse came back to life after three days and either transported itself back to Galilee (Mark and Matthew) or stayed around the Jerusalem area and ate a meal with Way Followers and walked through the city and out to Bethany with them without causing a major incident for the Romans who had just crucified him (Luke).

Or we can believe something less supernatural and mythological, something that doesn’t sound like the product of storytelling and legend-making around countless campfires during the decades before these accounts were written. Something like this: Mathew tells us of a man named Jesus Barabbas (some translations conveniently omit “Jesus” in the man’s name) who according to Mark was a murderous insurrectionist against Roman rule. The Romans wanted badly to capture him. On the night of Jesus of Nazareth’s arrest, they were informed by a “Judas” or someone else that Jesus was with his followers in the Garden of Gethsamane. They found a “Jesus” (the wrong one) there and arrested him. They proceeded to torture him ceaselessly trying to learn more about Jesus Barabbas’ followers and weapons caches of which Jesus of Nazareth could tell them nothing. Then they crucified him and he dies very quickly (for a crucifixion victim) as a result of the relentless torture. Someone sympathetic to the Way Followers donates a tomb and the corpse is placed within. The real Jesus Barabbas knows that if the mistaken identity gaffe is investigated he will once again be a wanted man. So his followers break into the tomb, steal the corpse (so the Romans can’t determine they got the wrong man) and their leader can escape later pursuit and punishment.

But the missing corpse is the foundation for the Hellenized Jews’ legend-making and deification of Jesus that Paul later developed into a full-blown theology. Like Churchill said, “History is written by the victors.” History, or in this case, the mythology. If we were ever to find writings from the Jerusalem Way Followers we might have a very different picture of the origins of Christianity.

My book, “The Gospel of Thomas (the Younger)” imagines what that written record might be. Learn more at www.garytmcdonald.com

“A convincing faux gospel that challenges orthodoxy. Thomas traverses his world encountering First Century figures from Jesus to Nero bringing his times and the origins of Christianity alive in a fresh, new way with wry humor and exciting storytelling.”
―Winston Groom, author of Forrest Gump

“Gary T. McDonald is a born storyteller, and his research is impeccable. The book is fascinating from beginning to end, and his long-overdue, iconoclastic portrait of the Apostle Paul made me stand up and cheer.” ―Lewis Shiner, author of Glimpses

“An inherently fascinating and deftly crafted work of truly memorable fiction, The Gospel Of Thomas The Younger is an extraordinary novel by an extraordinary writer and unreservedly recommended…” ― Midwest Book Review

Let's Be Honest

By Carl S. ~

Dear human beings: One’s first response after surviving an accident is not to praise a god for saving one's ass; one has to be trained like a pet to react with a religious response. After mass tragedies, families and community members buy huge amounts of stuffed animals and pile up flowers in their mourning, to honor the victims. Those are primal responses, originating long before the burial practices of ancient Egypt! And not one of the purchasers is aware of this: toys and implements were originally buried with the deceased to be used in their afterlives. Now, thousands of years later in a market economy, lamentation, grief, and loss are sales opportunities for businesses taking advantage of the lucrative business of religion. (Doesn't this remind you of Christmas?) After these things, comes the ceremonial praising of a god by survivors, the prattle of victims being “in a better place, with that god, becoming angels.” Which is why a non-believer invented the Celebration of Life to be used in place of religious ceremonies.

With or without religions, we act from our nature, despite every attempt by religion to control it. Our lives do not require merely existence, but need experimentation, so we make a lot of junk, like belief systems, before we arrive at something workable. Humans became pawns to religions as soon as they created them. When creators think they have mastery over those religions, things get seriously out of control. This is bound to happen, because doctrines are gambling ventures that run contrary to our nature. This happens despite the fact life itself is usually gambling, where the odds of coming out ahead are pretty well in our favor. In order to survive, we just can't help but tempt fate or thwart the wills of gods.

Life is good when we experiment with it. This goes beyond mere temptation. As children, we see how far we can push a parent before we get a reaction. You may steal a candy bar from the store or eat a forbidden fruit to find if it makes you wiser. You might experiment by using any way possible to get solutions for diseases defying our best efforts at eradication. It's called science, derived from scientia, meaning: “to know.” And haven't you noticed that the pompous clergy who condemn scientists are getting the best of what science has to offer in medical care, no prayer healing for them?

Mudskippers laugh at anti-evolutionists!!! When you got sexually involved for the first time with the right or wrong person, ignoring the warnings of your religion, that big part of your “whole life?” Was that terrible, that “loss of innocence?” At least one religion tells us humans were punished by being expelled from an earthly paradise of Eden. So? We were never cut out for a protected Eden existence; we'd be bored to death! We dare to “sin.” So? We lie and we've found that sometimes we need to lie to get results, to find out what's true, just by observing nature alone. So? We notice sex is essential for emotional health. Virginity's just a phase. You got a problem with that? Clerics lie continually; their followers don't have a problem with that.

Mudskippers laugh at anti-evolutionists!!!

Experimenting can get you mixed up in the wrong crowd, but, if you choose your terms, may cause you to reject them and head for the healthy lifestyle. Experimenting with blasphemy and pornography, like experimenting with new musical forms and writing styles, seems inevitable after they succeed. We tempt life, we mold and manipulate it, like every other animal does, and in ways no other animal can.

Despite centuries of propaganda trying to convince everyone there's a god involved in every aspect of life, we are left with: shit happens. In the common everyday world, how do people act? According to Annie Laurie Gaylor, most people live as if they're atheists. No religion necessary. No creed. So?

Scraps from god

By Eveningmeadows ~

I left religion almost twenty years ago. This was my final test:

When I first left (I decided when I was sitting out in my screen house), I would ask god to send me someone to talk to about my questions and doubts. It was an easy walk, they could park on the side of the road, and walk down the hill to the screen house. We have a wooded area that is very park like, and the screen house is there. I would be able to see them coming down the hill while sitting in the screen house. So I prayed that prayer for three years, every summer sitting in my screen house. At that point I had enough doubts that I didn't really think anyone would show up, but it would be nice. God would send them a message, you know like, it was laid upon my heart, the Lord was speaking to me, He told me to stop here that I had a message for you the usual. I didn't worry that this person couldn't find me or my house, because people talk about these great miracles god showed them. A coveted parking space at the crowded mall, chicken breasts on sale at the market, picking a winning lottery ticket. So I knew god would show this individual where I live and I needed to talk to a real, compassionate human who would show me god was real. But...no one ever showed up. At this point I had two reasons why. God didn't really love me, I was unlovable, or there was no god. I realized there was no god. I can remember to this day, almost 15 years ago, the lightness that I felt, the feeling that I was finally free from the fear and disappointment of religion. I also realized that since there is no god, we are all struggling with our own stuff, and have very little room for anyone else's.

I had a memory come to mind a few days ago. My ex had left for another woman for the third time, I received no support from him. I was living in a freezing apartment on the third floor, with very little if any insulation. My kids and I dressed in long johns, sweaters, and sat on the couch with blankets. I kept the gas and gas stove on high, and in order to get the heat in the living room, had a tiny fan in the doorway. I was severely depressed, and tried my best to hide it from my kids. The fundy church and later conservative church I was in was of no use to me on a practical level. I believed that I was some kind of testimony to people around me. By living in a freezing apartment, driving an old car, struggling with depression and trying to raise two kids on very little money, I actually thought my religion offered people something they didn't have. I would go to people's houses I worked for, and put on a happy face to show them that in spite of being horribly depressed, poor, and having no way out of any of that, I was happy in the Lord! I laugh now. I actually thought my miserable life was a witness to those happy, rich women I worked for. They had good husbands, nice houses, good jobs, new cars, vacations, hope for the future. Many were catholic. I thought I could lead them to my religion! What did my religion offer them? Hopelessness where they had hope, their god was better than mine was. And yet I carried on like that. Blinded by the fact that my life sucked to these women.

I was finally free from the fear and disappointment of religion. I also realized that since there is no god, we are all struggling with our own stuff, and have very little room for anyone else's.Now I think that all this great, mighty god had to do was wave his baby finger, just a little wave, and take my depression away, give me back my brain, my ability to go to school and create hope in my life. A life that many in the church already had. The pretty women, the thin women, the ones that had made the right decisions years ago, because their self esteem was better than mine. Why did I get scraps while they got the full meal? In the same church, with the same beliefs, I read my bible through three or four times, volunteered at the church and christian school. Was a custodian at the church, went to bible studies, Sunday school, church twice on Sundays, felt the necessary guilt when I supposedly sinned. Some of the women and I were equally busy in the church, they had good lives, some never stepped in church except on Sunday mornings or if it benefited them. They got the same good life as the busy women. I was busy in the church, drank the kool-aid, and nothing. And I was supposed to see all this and believe that I deserved scraps from this god? That I wasn't holy enough, that this was gods will for my life? This was supposed to be enough for me. Just the depression being lifted would have been enough.

I know there is no god. I didn't get scraps, that just the way things were for me because of decisions I made when I was young. It it what it is. I no longer have to wonder why my life sucked and others had good lives. It just was the way things worked out for me. Life with out god is good, and not every question can be answered, and bad things happen to good people because that's the way it is. There are grey areas.

Christian Indifference

By Carl S ~

There are pains that don't go away. You know what I mean. All you have to do is watch survivors of clergy rape or any rape and read about or listen to their experiences. Some survivors are over 80 years old. And fundies like to say they're being persecuted! Anyhow, grievances aren't welcome nowadays (except on TV “reality” programs.) And we're expected to be forgiving (let's not forget forgiving). And we don't want to offend anyone, do we? How boring!

I occasionally have feelings of what once felt like betrayal, at a picnic with my spouse's family. You know how you sit around small talking and confide with family members? An in-law mentioned “God” and asked if I believed in “him”, and I said “No.” Another in-law heard me, and came over. This was my first close encounter with fanaticism. Someone else joined in, so I was trapped between two fundies. Bystanders listened. This went on for some time. I left that room, and went to cry in another, out of frustration. You know what I mean? But it wasn't the assault on my conscience I remember most. It was the silence of my spouse all the while this went on. She just sat there and said nothing, didn't tell them to leave me alone. When I went outside, she didn't join me. Years later, I'm thinking this was due to childhood indoctrination: she was taught you don't interfere when “authorities” are “correcting” someone who questions “the Faith.”

After a while I came for the meal, and everyone behaved normally. This 'afterwards' reminded me of when I was young, of those verbal fights at night, when some family members would get drunk, uninhibited, and attack each other by bringing out their resentments and grievances. The next morning, they behaved as if nothing had happened. Drunk on booze or drunk on Jesus, I guess the pattern is the same.

Anyhow, my stifled emotions could not be held in check for long. When we got home, I let loose out of frustration. No apologies. This was a rant about fanatical beliefs and attacking my morality. When I was done, I looked at my spouse and saw indifference. Add to this, discomfort at my speaking out, as if I was wrong to do it. But that's old history. We've been living hundreds of miles from those relatives for (“How long have we been here now dear?”) almost 19 years now.

Update: Just this summer, six of those original relatives were on their way to a national park and stopped by for a get-together, sharing experiences, photos; as if they'll never change. We went for dinner at a local restaurant, my beloved treating. They went on their way, time constrained and with so much to see. None of that “God-talk.” In a way, this wasn't a surprise; I'd spent part of those intervening years sending them my and others postings from this site. All's well that ends well as a truce, I guess, or as my generation would say, “Cool it.”

Oh I know that old “Blood is thicker than water” saying. Somehow that didn't explain enough about these situations. No, they had to do with me being an 'outsider.' So many years later, I feel that's where I still am and always will be. I think it must be like this in every believer + nonbeliever marriage. The family clan's religion reigns supreme.

Recently, I found an applicable quote from Freud. “A religion, even if it calls itself a religion of love, must be hard and unloving to those who do not belong to it.” To that, I will add, cruel. So I'm thinking. If you're an atheist or agnostic and you marry an evangelical or fundie, you have to live with t

It kinda explains how so many of god's saved people, with cold indifference, stood by and watched their Jewish neighbors being hauled off to whatever fate awaited them. If you can't convert them, who cares? I understand one of my distant relatives was Jewish. If so, she might have died in the Nazi extermination camps. Would pro-life Christians oppose abortions if Muslim fetuses are aborted? Hmm.

“It’s very common to hear people say, ‘I'm rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. ‘I find that offensive.’ It's actually nothing more than a whine. It has no meaning to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what?” So I've developed the bitch attitude to religious sensitivity of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Fry, who said, “It’s very common to hear people say, ‘I'm rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. ‘I find that offensive.’ It's actually nothing more than a whine. It has no meaning to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what?” (Gervais says the same with fewer words.)

Maybe you think I'm bitter and angry from all the damage cold Christian indifference is causing societies. Who wouldn't be? There are ways I deal with it. Given enough time, people are almost forced to come around. (I just happen to be impatient.) Things like abolition, the vote for women, acceptance of equal rights, gay rights, stuff like that, are now accepted by the majority. It's like, “of course, what's the big deal?” Sure, human rights are still being rigidly opposed or ignored by the righteous, and so we have to vote out of office whoever advances their agendas, lest they dominate us. The same rigid believers don't care, and would be happy if non-believers “go back into the closet and know their place.” Change takes time. My spouse isn't one of them, and I doubt her family would challenge her love for me today, by repeating their past behavior, even though she's been raised to sit quietly while god's chosen experts tear into anyone who implies they're no morally better than this atheist.

Feel free to not avoid offending. Everyone's offended by some things. Offending people raise social consciousness. They even make us laugh at our own beliefs and biases by pointing out how ridiculous they are. Just don't become accustomed to those Christian frigid fists. Don't be bullied.

Grow Up

By Lilith Lite ~

Ex-Christians, you're so sensitive! Guests come on site, push the right buttons, and you grab the bait! (Are they also ex-Christians? I wonder.) How many of you are there, really? Ten? Fifteen at the most? You're more involved with Christianity than any Christians I know. They don't give a shit for thinking. You piss them off when you confuse them with “facts, truth, reasoning and evidence.” They wanna live forever and they're terrified of hell. Those guest objectors want to be left alone to enjoy their drug of choice and messing with the rights of others. They want their children to be just like them.

Are you any different? Yes you are. Religions, like drug addictions, alcoholism, habitual gambling, and pedophilia, are addictions, and you're busy shaking yours. Many former believers are still in rehab. There are no rewards established for recoverers from religious addiction, but there ought to be. I imagine staying drug free in the midst of religious addicts must require courage and determination. The “crisis of faith” you’ve heard about is nothing more than struggles to rid oneself of a powerful addiction. The habitual use of faith is destructive mentally and emotionally, especially when it delivers feelings one cannot get from other pleasures. It's a cocaine for someone who can't afford cocaine.

This addiction has a very long, mostly unchallenged, history. Governments may speak of a national “drug epidemic,” while failing to recognize their religious epidemics. One reason for this is, religions have always waged wars against their competition. They want to be the sole addiction. Whether individual or mass addiction, religions need their pushers who are exempt from government drug control. There are, in fact, lawmakers who are users themselves. Religious addicts can't see their own addiction any more than alcoholics can acknowledge having a problem. (Whenever I get a letter or greeting card using bible quotes, the word “bless,” or thanks to God, I know it's from an addict. The addict uses every special occasion to deliver a sermon.)

Christianity is like the mosquito. It's been around for centuries, and for the most part it's persistently annoying. But you have to be aware it may infect you, for it carries within it a disease that brings its own brand of insanity. Other diseases it carries have caused unnecessary suffering and death. What are you fighting against, anyhow? What a tradition that religion has! Killing all those non- and ex-Christians, was it worth it? Oh sure, short-term solutions, but what was accomplished in the long run? Have they ever proved what they claim is true? NO. Did that one religion, THAT wacko, gawd-awful mess, triumph? No. All that suffering and killing was for nothing. Humanity progresses in spite of religions.

Religionists have a problem with “authentic and synthetic.” For example, an authentic sound comes from a piano. A synthesizer sound comes from a man-made manipulation of electronics imitating that sound. I am authentic self, as are you. Jesus Christ redeemer is a synthetic creation of Paul of Tarsus and others. And then there's the authentic “natural” and synthetic “supernatural” Synthetics are invented and combined ingredients such as fantasies, ideas, or material products. They succeed. Only too often, caricatures like Christ and Satan become much more important than authentic human beings.

For many, growing up is hard to doWho hasn't seen the original “Dumbo” movie? Who didn't feel sad when Dumbo's mother was taken from him? Dumbo is an animated series of drawings! Where some members of the audience might shed tears when Dumbo was separated from his mother, the same people have no problem watching actual children being separated from their parents, at the cost of their being traumatized for the rest of their lives.

What the hell good are prayers for the dead, and weeping over the death of a synthetic Christ? It's insane. “Dumbo” reflects Christian belief: a non-involvement, where absolute good archetypes triumph over absolute evil archetypes, and in the end, the good ones live “happily ever after.” That's not reality. That's Christian escapism from reality, along with those tear-jerker movies for those who want to feel like they're participating in the sufferings of human victims.

After mass murders come reminders of the Nazi Nuremberg night rallies, when thousands of candles are lighted. They're very powerful emotional rituals; with or without the impotent prayers. The parasite clergy, like vultures, always show up to feed off the misery. They preach their synthetic Christ's sufferings are vastly more meaningful than the agonies all authentic human beings suffer! And like the Nazi faithful, there are Christians with a Nazi maudlin sentimentality, where it's combined with cruelty.

For many, growing up is hard to do; “the faithful” are prime examples of this. It's time for “true” (?) believers to grow up. And may the bowels of Jesus Christ (Philippians Ch. 1, v. 8), rain down his blessings upon his chosen ones. Amen.

Leaving the Faith: Letting Goods and Kindred Go

By Matt ~

I have clambered so hard for Christianity to be true. I love the story. The idea that everything sad will come untrue inspires me. I want to believe Aslan returns and tears apart the White Witch. I want to believe the ring is being carried to Mordor to be plunged into a pit of fire. I want to see justice delivered from a man on a horse.

I want there to be Lucy’s and Bilbo’s and Frodo’s, and even a Mr. Tumnus. I want to believe my futile efforts at work and art will ring forever throughout the ages and reach their culmination at the end of this present age.

For that idea—to quote the triumphal hymn by Martin Luther—I would “let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also.” And I would have been happy to do it. Except, when it’s the epitome of the cultural norm in my own circle, you never have to lose a single good or kindred. You gain a bunch.
There’s a faintly noticeable addiction to that gain, muted no doubt by the beauty of the story, by Aslan’s deafening roar itself. It’s easy in that context to truly believe you are driven exclusively by your captivation with that beautiful idea, ignorant of the treasures you are amassing and walling in around you.

But, after 5 years of chasing an M.Div at one seminary, 2 years of chasing but never obtaining a Ph.D at another, 15 years of vocational ministry with the last 4 being the senior pastor of a small town Baptist Church, I was crying on the floor of my living room as my wife was trying to pry me up to go preach the evening service which was set to begin in 3 minutes. The beautiful idea had begun to dissolve. Upon it, I had spilled some universal acid.

Thankfully, I was able to stumble in just in time to preach, but only as a dead man, a shell. My deconversion had begun.

I had been hit hard with an existential crisis that I have yet to recover from. Everyone’s story of deconstruction has its beginning point. Mine, oddly enough, began when I couldn’t bear the shame of denying that the earth was abundantly old. “God could have created the earth with age,” I’d preach. But the fact that such a view flies in the face of the biblical account as to why death and decay entered the world was inescapable, and its truth haunted me.

According to the Scriptures, Adam brought sin into the world. He made every woman suffer through child bearing. Thorns and thistles began to sprout from the ground. Heck, even the snake lost his legs over it. The innocence of the garden was lost and death had been introduced.

Yet—and this sounds so foolish to admit was an epiphany at this point—the earth had been full of death and thorns and thistles, billions of years before Adams arrival. The age of the earth and the biblical account were mutually exclusive. (I am more than aware of the attempts by theologians to reconcile the two. There were none I found convincing. In my view, all attempts to do so were giving up too much theologically.)

The point of this testimony of deconstruction is not to lobby a full-fledged offensive at the creation story, but merely to say, once one of the many frays on the sweater of your worldview gets snagged on an obvious thorn, the whole thing is coming apart. And you are about to be naked. It’s just a matter of time.

Once you lose your sweater, those who have grown to love its many colors will flee at the sight of your flesh. This is the second death. If the first death is the existential crisis, the second death is the sudden realization that you are about to lose everyone.

The goods and kindred that you were supposed to lose as the entry way to the faith, you never really lost. In fact, you’ve amassed all the more on the journey.

I was able to stumble in just in time to preach, but only as a dead man, a shell. My deconversion had begun.In truth, goods and kindred, are what you lose now if you step out of the skeptic’s closet. When you thought the beautiful story demanded forsaking goods and kindred, and you proclaimed that you were willing to do it, perhaps it was because doing so actually gained you more goods and kindred.

It takes far more bravery to admit your denial of the story, because this time, confessing the truth with your mouth, risks ripping those goods and kindred away. You’ve built an entire city around that story, one with streets of gold, one shining on a hill.

It takes guts to leave it. Far more than it took to build it. If Christians understood that, they’d save their rebukes. If they knew the pain of the exit, they’d love you all the more. You aren’t leaving because you never truly trusted the story. You are leaving because you have leaned on it so hard that you found in the end that it could not support the weight.

Your true goods and kindred won’t leave you. They’ll stand with you and beside you. But you will lose a lot. The newly found skeptic has counted the cost and found the truth more valuable, so valuable they have risked letting goods and kindred go for the sake of it. Ironically, in the process, the skeptic gains this mortal life back. It’s a precious one. It’s all we get.

Simply put, I guess it’s time to get busy living it and mute the critics with the lions roar. Time to be Lucy and Frodo and march forward into uncertainty for the beauty of that truth. Maybe there is room for those characters after all.

Religious Trauma and Abusive Romantic Patterns

By B ~

There are innumerable and unforeseen ways in which growing up in the fundamentalist evangelical fold shaped who I am; for the most part I am horrified by the impact. I did not resist a lick of it, being a natural people-pleaser (is that natural? Or is that also part of the programming?). I was a ten-year-old prodigy preacher, considered by elders of my church and leaders of my close-minded Christian school to be “Lady Wisdom”, a manifestation of God’s efforts to guide his flock. I was good at it! I believed it in every crevice of my heart and mind. I vividly remember sobbing in my room at home, listening to worship music and begging God to deconstruct my life, take my world to pieces, and make me His disciple. I was maybe eleven.

That is the start of the story. I am 34 now and I am here to find out if anyone has experienced anything like what I am currently experiencing. My Dad became a pastor when I was a kid, and I dutifully leapt into his mania. His Father (I generally refuse to refer to him as my ‘grandfather’) was psychologically abusive and an alcoholic. My Dad wanted to end that cycle and, bravely, never had any booze when I was growing up. But like so many other unhealed adult children of alcoholics, his style of relating to me never healed. Despite his abstaining from alcohol, my experience with my Dad was much like his experience with his Father. Whereas my Dad, as a child, never knew if his Father would come home drunk or sober, I never knew if mine would come home full of joy or the wrath of God. My developing brain marinated in unpredictability and psychological stress. I found myself compulsively trying to do things to keep him happy, to prevent his instability from tipping one way or another- a futile endeavor, as anyone with an all-black-or-white parent can tell you.

The way this has most recently, and distressingly, manifested in my life is three years spent with a malignant narcissist who I barely managed to escape. As I attempt to tend my mental and emotional wounds, I recognize that this type of oppressive, manipulative, unpredictable personality was welcome in my life because of my experience with my zealously religious Father, and the male-to-female modeling of my evangelical upbringing. I was a prime candidate for “love bombing”- a concept with which you may not be familiar, if you are unfamiliar with the tactics of malignant narcissists - because I was raised to define myself in relation to a man. I recall my Dad, during family devotions, drawing a large umbrella that read “God”, and under it a smaller umbrella that read “Dad”, and under that a smaller umbrella that read “Mom”, under which were the umbrellas representing me
and my sisters.

I was raised to define myself in relation to a man.My Mom became the primary bread winner, raiser of the children, and side-job holder when my Dad went to school to be a pastor, but, despite her strength, she was an all-around-martyr for his religious inclinations. She flushed herself into his obsessions. And here, despite me managing a remarkable career, taking care of myself (especially now that I have cut off the narcissist in my life), and having a very strong group of intelligent and supportive friends, I find myself vulnerable to ideas that I am just not whole until I find someone to complete my family. Like a yin without a yang. And I am scared that I am going to find my way into another abusive relationship if I don’t make sense of how to change this.

That is a long road to asking this: is anyone else making every effort to live an independent, healthy life, but finding themselves vulnerable to repeating destructive, familiar relationship patterns related to their religious trauma? How can I make sure I don’t waste any more time with predatory personality types just because the emotional patterns of submission and unpredictability are familiar?

I hope I am not alone in this.