Skip to main content

Free Thinkers! You deserve a laugh!

By summerbreeze --

The Winter Doldrums are here, and since I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, ( or SAD ) I refuse to knuckle under to it! Chuckle with me at these humorous atheist (etc.) quotes from the famous, and not so famous---

Let me know, at the end, which were your favorites. Enjoy !

"Atheism is a non-Prophet organization." ....George Carlin

"Although I'm an atheist, I don't fear death more than, say, sharing a room in a detox center with a sobbing Rush Limbaugh!" .....Berkeley Breathed ( cartoonist )

Dan Barker playing music at an atheist convent...Image via Wikipedia

"I give money for church organs in the hope that the organ music will distract the congregations' attention from the rest of the service" .....Andrew Carnegie

"The Vatican is against surrogate Mothers'. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born!" ......Elayne Boosler ( comedian )

"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism." ........Carl Sagan

"Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high-powered rifle and scope." P.J. O'Rourke ( humorist )

"The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from [ ancient ] Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum." .......Havelock Ellis ( British physician )

"If God dwells within us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting." .....Jack Handey ( Saturday Night Live )

"The problem with organized religion You can't talk directly to god. That is bad. First you've got to talk to a priest. Then Mary. Then's like going to the DMV !".....Bill Maher

"Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people's business."....Jesse Ventura

"Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company." ....Mark Twain

"Why should we take advice on sex from the Pope ? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" ...George Bernard Shaw

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning!" ....Bill Watterson ( cartoonist, 'Calvin & Hobbes' ) My personal favorite ^...ha ha

"I don't think we're here for anything, we're just products of evolution. You can say 'Gee, your life must be pretty bleak if you don't think there's a purpose,'...but I'm anticipating a good lunch!!".......Dr. James Watson

"Civilization will not attain to its perfection until the last stone from the last church falls on the last priest!" ....Emile Zola ( French novelist )

"I cannot believe in a God who has neither humor nor common sense." .....W. Somerset Maugham

"Moral indignation jealousy with a halo." ...H G Wells

"I wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up. They have no holidays." ....Henny Youngman ( American born Jewish comedian )

"Prayer is like a pump in an empty well, it makes lots of noise, but brings no water."
"The church is a bank that is continually receiving deposits but never pays a dividend." .......Lemuel K. Washburn ( American Secular Activist )

"There are 3 religious Truths :

( 1 ) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
( 2 ) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
( 3 ) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters." ....Anonymous ( bet it's Bill Maher!!)

"But why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?" ...Katharine Whitehorn

"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet."....Napoleon Bonaparte

"What the Gospels actually said was 'don't kill anyone until you are absolutely sure they aren't well connected'. .......Kurt Vonnegut

"Only two things are infinite : The Universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure of the former." ....Albert Einstein

"The very concept of sin comes from the Bible. Christianity offers to solve a problem of its own making! Would you be thankful to a person who cut you with a knife in order to sell you a bandage?" .....Dan Barker

"If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament he would be a criminal. If he would strictly follow the teachings of the New, he would be insane!"
.....Robert Ingersoll

"Morality is doing what is right no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right." .......Anonymous

"All religions are the same : Religion is basically guilt, with different holidays!" ....Cathy Ladman ( comedian )

Hope you enjoyed these !