I Believed What?

By Debbie ~

How many times have I started this testimonial? Countless. I'm not sure why, but, yeah, I do know. I tend to have a wordy mouth – on paper. I was so impressed with my whole experience with God, and the Christian faith, and what it meant to me that I wrote a book about it, was offered a contract with Tate Publishing, and then I learned the Truth. After that I put everything on hold. I couldn't earn money from a book about a faith I was no longer passionate about, right?

But first, I am amazed how entangled I was in Christianity, the beliefs, the dogma, the rules, etc. I did not grow up in the faith. I was a teenager and was sent to a Baptist School in Savannah, Georgia. There, I befriended a minister's daughter and the rest is history. What I find amazing is how I analyzed my whole life, the whole world even, using the Bible as a guidebook. The most hurtful thing about Christianity is how it makes you admit and believe that you are the scum of the earth, the worst possible being on this earth who is in need of saving from a fiery eternity. That's where the brainwashing begins. So I wrote about all of my bad deeds and how awful I was, but also all the bad deeds that were done to me. Reliving all the bad situations was heartbreaking, but I had to include it all to prove how just God is in wiping the slate clean, as long as I live by all the rules.

The turning point came when I was trying to make sense of all the inconsistencies, especially as relates to the "End Times." I spent months trying to come up with a timeline that incorporated all the events that were to happen. No one has been able to do that. Once I realized there was no viable way to make sense of all the happenings in Revelations, I began to doubt other Biblical concepts. I read and researched every opinion for and against any given subject, every historical document I could find, and 

I was amazed at how little in the Bible can be proven to have existed. No proof the New Testament is true and accurate. No proof of Jesus ever existing. And the proof that the mystical concepts are true? Doesn't exist. I look at it this way: With the laws of science that rule our world, would you expect someone to rise from the dead, walk on water, etc.? No? Well the same world and laws existed 2000 years ago. It didn't happen. By the way, do you want to know the most damaging verse in the Bible to Truth? It is in Hebrews and I can't quote exactly but it goes something like this: Faith is the evidence of things not seen. What that means is if you believe in something that is the proof of its existence. Belief is proof. Unbelievable. I wonder what scribe in the back room came up with that one? The jackpot for sure.

When I first came to the realization that all I had believed in was false, I cried. When I first came to the realization that all I had believed in was false, I cried. I mourned a Jesus who never existed. And then I was angry at being lied to and manipulated. I wanted to tell others so they, too, could be liberated from the chains of Christianity. But then I realized what it took for me to change my mind. Any little nugget of information against my faith was quickly erased from my mind. It started within me with one doubt. And the ability to make decisions not based on how I felt. Emotions should never 

be a part of intellectual decision making. So fighting against the religions of the world will only serve to alienate people further from non-Christians. Make the Truth available and accessible to all. The next part, the researching, the letting go, comes from within.

What actually blurs the lines of reality and the belief systems of all the religions of the world is the existence of a spirit world. I think there are some spirits that have the ability to take on a certain persona when it fulfills a need in the spirit's existence. So when the spirit sees an opportunity to act as a god or an angel, they do. Then there are spirits who just have a need to interact with humans and the humans put the labels of angels, saints onto the spirit. And of course there are spirits who love to fulfill the roles of demons and devils because that is the nature of their existence. Good and bad in all things people.

Only my two daughters know of my new world view. I am not close to much of my family, but if they knew I had turned my back on Christianity they would turn their backs on me. And I am somewhat afraid to be forthcoming because Christians are dangerous. They talk a good live and let live game, but if you are going to hell they would just as soon send you there ahead of time. That's why there are abortion clinic bombings. Most Christians condemn the bombings, but behind the scenes they cheer the bombers for saving the unborn "babies." But I can't help but feel obligated to try. The only way for me to help anyone else is to go ahead with the book I have now which is how I used to feel. Then there will be a helluva Part 2 in which I outline how I came to discount all I once cherished. Then I will go into hiding (not).

It amazes me that my new way of thinking about the world and the people in it encompasses the unbelievable fact the most of the 6 billion+ people that live with me on this ball in space believe in something false. What a lonely feeling.

I Make Too Much of Coincidences

By Herb ~

I haven't written to this site in some time, but I decided to write now because of a problem that just cropped up.

My father was a Seventh Day Adventist and my mother was from a Pentecostal type church known as The Church of First Born. Both churches taught a literal interpretation of the Bible. We were to follow whatever the Bible said no matter how ridiculous or senseless it was. To them, the Bible was just a bunch of rules to follow. Because of this approach to following the Bible and obsessive compulsive disorder, I developed a bad case of scrupulosity. I was always worried about what was right and what was wrong and whether or not I had done the right thing to be saved.

When I was 26, there was a person at work who was an agnostic. Knowing him and conversations with him about religion and the list of books he recommended for me to read gave me the courage to give up religion. But I still have OCD, so now my religious obsessions have taken a different direction. I now worry about religious anecdotes that I read or hear. I have to run them around in my head until I come up with a natural explanation for them. I also tend to make a big deal about coincidences.

A coincidence that's bugging me now and why I decided to post this message at this time pertains to the number 8. The number 8 within the Judeo/Christian mythology means "heavenly". The coincidence that bothers me is that the numerical value of the Greek spelling of Jesus is 888. This seems like such a coincidence.

It doesn't seem right that somebody would be condemned to an eternity of torture just because they don't accept a certain belief on faith.I don't like the Christian religion because of the concept of salvation through faith. It doesn't seem right that somebody would be condemned to an eternity of torture just because they don't accept a certain belief on faith. It's also hard for me to believe that there is an afterlife. Consciousness is dependent on the brain. When the brain dies, there no longer is any consciousness. How can a soul be conscious without neurons? How can a soul see or hear without any eyes or ears? For those who believe like my Adventist father that the afterlife comes at the end of time with a physical resurrection, it would seem that all the molecules of the brain would have to be regathered and chemically reanimated, since the memory is tied up in all those molecules. What about somebody who has been cremated and their ashes dropped in the ocean?

 Who could keep up with all those molecules after they're all scattered? Those still in their graves, are there angels with shovels that are going to come down and dig them all up? It all sounds so far fetched. So using Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is that Jesus's name having a numerical number of 888 is just a coincidence rather than Christianity and the afterlife being true. But such coincidences like that still bother me.

Unchosen – Emmeno

By Mary B ~

I was baptized Catholic; being named after the Mother of God meant life was always going to be a series of falling shorts. Raised as an Evangelical with a side order of Fundamental Dispensationalism, I spent a good portion of my childhood worrying about being left behind if the Rapture happened or that my head would be chopped off by the Antichrist. We didn't attend church because they contained false prophets; we held small services as a family. Apart from a brief sojourn into atheism at the age of 16 – inspired by someone tall and handsome – I kept the faith until I was 30.

Emmeno definition: *to remain in, continue; *to persevere in anything, a state of mind etc.; *to hold fast, to be true to, abide by, keep Those years were spent in agony. I never felt good enough or faithful enough or peaceful enough or any of those things I was told or read that Christians were or should be. I never quite reached the mark of a good Christian mother or wife. It was always just in front of me; just out of my reach as I lost my temper once again or failed to be quiet as a good wife should be. Guilt for everything ate away at me. Private prayer became one long session on my knees begging to be accepted by God, begging to have just one moment of speaking in tongues to prove I was saved. All I asked for was your acceptance.
Then I found out about the doctrine of predestination and it all made sense. I wasn't chosen! It did not matter what I did or said or prayed or cried God could not hear me. I was devastated, and thrilled.

That was fifteen years ago now. My journey out is still ongoing. All my family still believe all of it. I hardly see any of them now. I want my children to know and feel the acceptance from me that I never felt from God, and that I love them just as they are: hot tempered, patient, loud, quiet, in pain or peaceful.

Just as you are, kids, just as you are.