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Somewhere along the way, I lost belief

By freeatlast ~

I've read the testimonials every day on this site for the past 2 months. It's helped me to know I'm not the only one who no longer believes in the bible, jesus, or god. Someone wrote a comment on here that "to obsess about where one's soul goes after life on earth is narcissistic". That was the first time I really felt it's ok to not be a christian, to not believe in god, to not even believe humans have a need for a god. Whoever said that, thank you.

I, like most people on here, went through a range of events and discoveries that eventually lead to my complete deconversion. It took over 2 years. Since my earliest memory, I believed that jesus was my savior, god exists, and the goal of life on earth is to be good enough for god that we achieve everlasting life in heaven. That is, until I began reading the bilble, studying the history, looking at nature for any facts to support that belief.

The fact that I am now an atheist has not been shared with anyone until here, with this testimony. No-one in my family, not kids, husband, coworkers, or friends, knows this yet. Who knows, maybe I'll go to my grave with this knowledge kept from those who think they know me.....but for now it's not important to me if they do or do not know. What's important is that I now see the truth for what it is. And the peace that comes from leaving a make-believe, unhealthly belief ,and all the expectations that go with it, has made me a healthier, fully alive, person. It's perfectly ok to be a human being and I'm excited to be ALIVE!

Somewhere along the way in life, I lost belief that it was ok for me to have a thirst and drive for knowledge of the truth. It was ok for me to question spiritual beliefs. I don't blame anyone but myself. It's true that each of us allow ourselves to play a victim if we so choose. I did, and maybe someday I'll tell that side of my story here. But one day, I did wake up and realized that I have the freedom to learn and believe whatever I so choose.

The internet is a great place to research and learn and we are fortunate to live at this time on earth. One website that was very eye opening to all the thoughts and belief systems humans have had is I spent months on that website, and realized that there are so many different beliefs and "holy scriptures". Most of them seem developed within various cultures for each set of people, for whatever reason. Anyway, it occured to me that throughout time people have lived and died fully believing in their beliefs and teachings of the afterlife. And, I gained a reverence of sorts to respect thier belifs without accpeting them as my own. Who am I to be the cause of anyone else to leave thier personal religion? Just as nobody should force thier religion on me, for now at least, I plan to live and let others believe in thier personal religions if they so choose. I guess looking back on the process I went through to get here, helped me be more tolerant of others stuck in thier own religious beliefs. I certainly can understand how it happens.

One more thing I would like to share with this testimony is an awesome video at this url: It is a video showing what happens when new connections are made in the brain. It helped me understand what my brain needed to do to finally let go of christianity. What's really neat about this is that we humans, being carbon based life (6 neutrons, 6 protons, 6 electrons)all have a brain that if functioning properly can change the way we see things, and our beliefs. I don't know this Dr, nor have I been to any of his events so I certainly don't endorse whatever he is promoting. But, I've shared this video with others, and it's just very human, and very cool.

That's about it I guess. It's been a journey to get here and I'm looking forward to the rest of it, one step at a time. Nice to know others are on a similar path. Thanks for reading my story.