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I was a christian door mat

By cjmybad ~

I actually found this sermon about Repentance on a Christian website and it really sums up what so many people hate about Christianity:

DoormatImage by polomex via Flickr

“I want to talk today about one of life’s most painful experiences–the feelings of regret and remorse that can overwhelm us when we have done something wrong that we suspect might change the course of our life forever. The first time I remember feeling that way was in junior high school. I can’t even remember the specifics of what I had done, but it could have been just about anything considering my junior high years. I do remember with utter clarity the fact that I could not sleep and was gripped by incredible fear of the consequences of my behavior. I remember getting out of bed late at night, going into my parents’ room, and begging them to help me.

My fear, mind you, was not that I would go to hell, because I was already a believer at that time. In fact, had I not already given my life to Christ, I suspect my conscience would not have been nearly as active. But I knew I was a Christian, I knew I had no justification for what I had done, and I was just overwhelmed with feelings of remorse. Wisely, my parents counseled me to confess what I had done, then prayed with me to accept God’s forgiveness. I think the reason I remember it so well is because a virtual miracle then happened–I calmed down and went immediately to sleep.”

WTF? Isn’t that nice?? Now that he has asked for forgiveness he can sleep at night! How about the person he has hurt – is he/she sleeping well? Probably not. Don’t give me the forgiven part because just in an imaginary conversation with their imaginary god they asked for forgiveness doesn’t mean it happened. As a new non-believer, I can’t play ‘make believe’ and have all my ‘sins’ just disappear into thin air just like the whole thing never happened.

My deconversion story is a little different than some others because we did have a major event that changed me from being a believer to a nonbeliever. (My story is Had Enough of Their Crap by Finally Free) posted here a few months ago.

We worked with 2 christians that we trusted, putting our lives on the line to build a business. They soon started lying, cheating and stealing all in ‘doing business’. It didn’t take them long to find ways to get what they wanted, not caring who it hurt or how much damage it did. We were praying for help in dealing with them but we found no help or comfort because their lies and deceit continued. I’m sure they were sleeping well at night because all they had to do is ask for forgiveness and their conscience was cleared!! I started reading about forgiveness in the bible – I was trying to find grace, forgiveness and love so I could survive this and not lose our house, our savings, our marriage, everything. Funny how they put NOTHING into this business to start. We were gullible and naïve, I know.
I still continued to pray but then read 2nd Kings 2:23-24:

"And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them."

If little children were punished for calling an old man a name surely he could do SOMETHING to stop these devious lying people from doing their best to ruin us. Right? He is all powerful isn’t he?? He can see into their black hearts and know what they are thinking and doing is wrong and a sin? And how many people they were hurting. Right??

And really if you think about it, wouldn’t it have been the right thing for him to talk to the children to ‘turn the other cheek’ maybe say something profound like ‘love your neighbor’ or ‘do onto others’ (didn’t god invent those sayings??) to the children instead of calling on the lord to kill them?’

We finally sat down and made an agreement that we all could live with but the funny thing was later they decided NOT TO KEEP THE AGREEMENT. We finally realized that we couldn’t lose everything especially our house, our marriage and health because of their schemes. I knew I had to get out of their presence. It did not bother them at all for them to continue their evil, un-christ like ways – all the while they are attending their church services singing in the choir and looking so pious and innocent to their church family. They have left a trail of destruction in their path but I’m sure they have asked for forgiveness and they feel better. They don’t regret their actions - they did not repent or make amends for what they did. If I had not been a practicing christian at the time, I might have stood up for myself instead of ‘ Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding and In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." I never should have listened to anything in the bible and been a doormat for them to wipe their feet on. It still makes me sick thinking about it!

Meanwhile, we are not sleeping soundly because we are still living with their actions and I can’t ask for forgiveness and have it all go away like it never happened like they did. If I do something wrong, it bothers me unlike the christian hypocrites, if I want to sleep well at night, I have to make amends to the person I hurt.

But it is amazing how christians can twist, turn and spin the scriptures to fit them into their circumstances and rationalize their actions. Being greedy is OK in the bible now. It makes me sick to see the bumper stickers 'I’m not perfect but I’m forgiven’ Just like the church lady said on Sat. Night Live ‘ isn’t that special’. None of us are perfect but to be able to clear your conscience (by praying) just means that ‘Forgiveness to a christians means they are free to sin again’

Too bad their church won’t see this and preach morality to the people attending all the time and then they would stop hurting others so much. Instead they celebrate ‘jesus loves us’ and here’s another song about gods love.

BTW, the sermon went on about a man who got aides and repented and stopped being homosexual, now he is saved and forgiven but still has aides and is dying. Huh?

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that's my religion."


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