Skip to main content

My letter to God

By True Anathema ~

I was raised in the Charismatic movement in the North during the "revival" of 1976. I gave my heart to Jesus and "Baptized in the Holy Spirit" before the age of 6. I moved in the gifts of the spirit and had several tangible experiences in my early childhood and teen years (which I now recognize as psychotic episodes because of bi-polar disorder). At the age of 31 I began questioning the inerrancy of the Word of God and the person-hood of Jesus Christ, along with the existence of hell. Most recently, I disposed of that faith altogether, but it is still a very hard journey. I have a family member that has given me permission to speak my doubts and the freedom I have experienced has been very liberating. However, the journey with my family is a difficult one as some made it very clear they are not willing to have me question, so I lead two lives and am being patient until I am able to be the person I believe I am. I have written a letter to God declaring our relationship over and it is below. I can at least be honest there.

Dear God,

We've never actually met, but there is not a memory of mine that you have not corrupted. From earliest years, I have desperately sought your approval. By approval I mean reprieve from an eternity of torturous damnation in your lake of everlasting fire.

Quite frankly, the boundaries of our relationship are all one sided, and are not working out in my favor. I can't possibly know your mind, but you are always in mine, ever seeing, ever knowing and ever speaking when I am trying to think, speak, play, work, eat and sleep. I often don't even remember what you've said.

You are not bound by space and time, but I am bound to operate within your will once I figure out what that is, because you get to speak in riddles while I must pray with enough clarity and with the right combination of words in order for you to hear and answer.

I must obey you immediately and without question and well...damnit, you get to move in your own sweet time. I realized something today: the grass IS greener on the other side. I need no shepherd to lead me. Please, don't leave the ninety and nine in search of me because I am not lost. I've packed up my intellect, my conscience, my money and the rest of my things. You'll find the place empty, except for the guilt which I've left smashed on the floor. I don't need that any more and you can keep it.

I have noticed you lurking around since I've decided to venture out on my own. I feel you in the shadows when I'm sleeping and the messages you've delivered through your "servants" leave much to be desired in the way of compassion and understanding. I would file a restraining order, but I believe they'd probably lock me up and throw away the key, which brings me to the purpose of this letter.

I thought you should know that the rumors of your existence have been greatly exaggerated. I'm going to ignore you from now on, in much the same way that a person with split personality disorder ignores their lifelong companions in the hope that one day they'll disappear all together.

You lied to me. You said you loved me unconditionally, but your love is NOT love. It is conditional. If I doubt you or your word, I am exiled to eternity in the fires of hell. That is not love. That is abuse, control and manipulation.

You are NOT all present and all knowing. You are glaringly absent and you know nothing. You have told me you walk beside me, but I look back and see only one set of footprints because you are a figment of my imagination.

You have taken time and talents from me and given me nothing in return. Where is my recompense which you promised me? Who will give back to me all the missed opportunities, the money I should have used to pay for education and vacations with my family. Who will retrieve from you the money and time I should have given to the poor and oppressed instead of to your "prophets" who line their own pockets with righteous money.

You are an ego-maniacal tyrant. You say that every knee must bow and every tongue confess that you are God. Rulers and kings like you kill entire generations. Why did I think you would be any different? I gave you beauty and you gave me ashes, I gave you joy and you gave me mourning. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around.

This is my last prayer.


Popular posts from this blog

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our


By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

On Living Virtuously

By Webmdave ~  A s a Christian, living virtuously meant living in a manner that pleased God. Pleasing god (or living virtuously) was explained as: Praying for forgiveness for sins  Accepting Christ as Savior  Frequently reading the Bible  Memorizing Bible verses Being baptized (subject to church rules)  Attending church services  Partaking of the Lord’s Supper  Tithing  Resisting temptations to lie, steal, smoke, drink, party, have lustful thoughts, have sex (outside of marriage) masturbate, etc.  Boldly sharing the Gospel of Salvation with unbelievers The list of virtuous values and expectations grew over time. Once the initial foundational values were safely under the belt, “more virtues'' were introduced. Newer introductions included (among others) harsh condemnation of “worldly” music, homosexuality and abortion Eventually the list of values grew ponderous, and these ideals were not just personal for us Christians. These virtues were used to condemn and disrespect fro

I can fix ignorance; I can't fix stupid!

By Bob O ~ I 'm an atheist and a 52-year veteran of public education. I need not tell anyone the problems associated with having to "duck" the "Which church do you belong to?" with my students and their parents. Once told by a parent that they would rather have a queer for their sons' teacher than an atheist! Spent HOURS going to the restroom right when prayers were performed: before assemblies, sports banquets, "Christmas Programs", awards assemblies, etc... Told everyone that I had a bladder problem. And "yes" it was a copout to many of you, but the old adage (yes, it's religious) accept what you can't change, change that which you can and accept the strength to know the difference! No need arguing that which you will never change. Enough of that. What I'd like to impart is my simple family chemistry. My wife is a Baptist - raised in a Baptist Orphanage (whole stories there) and is a believer. She did not know my religi