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My Personal Journey From Faith to Reason

By Allen J Cavin ~

I was born Saturday March 13, 1965, I was raised in a lower-class Christian home. The first eight years raised as Lutheran and then as a Fundamental Independent Baptist. I attended a Lutheran Kindergarten, Public School for grades 1-3 but from the 4th grade on was again private church-related schools. I am not any different than many children raised up during the late 60's and 70's. Each Sunday morning you were dressed up in your good clothes, attended Sunday school, church service and then to eat at grandma's.

When I was around nine years old and sometime in 1974 the film The Burning Hell was shown at Bethany Baptist Church where my family was a going to at the time. The film depicted how people died and ended up in hell and how those that do not accept Christ as their Savior would be left behind after his return. Very shortly after seeing it, I had a vivid dream, a terrible dream of the Rapture happening.

In this dream, I was awakened by a loud sound, I jumped from my bed, looked out my window to see the moon had turned to blood, meaning I was left behind. I could not find my parents or anyone I knew, only that I was left behind to suffer the tribulation and to more than likely burn in hell for all eternity. I remember awaking from that dream drenched in sweat, tears streaming from my eyes. I scrambled from my bed, rushed to the bedroom window, threw the curtains back to check if the moon had indeed turned to blood. You can imagine how thrilled I was to find it had not and that like Scrooge in a Christmas Carol I had a second chance.

The very next church service, when the invitation was given I went forward and prayed the sinner's prayer to be saved. As I grew up, I was involved in the bus ministry, children's church, and more. Some time while in my early 20's, I stopped attending Church for reasons I now have no memory of. For about 20 years I never stepped foot inside a church, while a service was being held but still believing what I was taught, just not living it.

As the years passed, I met a wonderful woman, fell in love and two years later we were married on June 30, 1991 at our home we had moved into just a month or so before. My wife worked one mile from our home and the house was 2 1/2 miles from I-85 so it made it nice being that at the time I was on the road as a Contract Photographer, traveling anywhere from Maine to Florida and as far west as Mississippi. When my wife could join me we would travel and enjoyed being able to visit places. We took trips to the mountains of NC, TN and the NC & SC Coast as well. During those years my wife and I lived a good life and enjoyed it as much as we could.

Then in my early to mid 30's, I began not being able to stay awake while on the road. A few years later when in my late 30's I began feeling drained of energy, always tired and hurting all over. I went to Doctors and had test after test, exams, MRI's, CT scans, saw Specialist, Psychiatrist, took numbers of medications to help but none ever relieved my pain or being so tired all the time. I was treated for chronic pain, sleep apnea, depression, carpal tunnel syndrome and a few others I just do not recall. Finally I was told to file for disability and did, but even with lawyers and medical records saying they could not help me nor had any hope to. I was still denied three times and cannot refile due to the time I have been out of work.

During this time my wife had talked of wanting to go to church for a few years, so we went to church in late 2003. Not just any church either, It was the remnants of the church from my childhood. After a year or so after getting right with god, I became involved in church work again, was ordained and even began an online ministry named Global Web Mission, building web sites for Missionaries, Churches, Preachers etc. I witnessed online in chat rooms, sent out thousands of emails telling all that Jesus SAVES! I have seen many people accept Christ as their savior while online.

Even though I had some doubts here and there during my 40 some years of Christian life, as most believers have been at times, if they would be honest, I kept believing that god cared for and loved me. When the church I was a part of began falling apart after the Pastor passed away March 9 th 2006, I remember the date because it was just 4 days before my 41 st birthday. The members kind of rallied together in the beginning but after a year or so it had begun to come undone, All my 'quote' "friends, brothers and sisters in the church" left instead of keeping their word they turned away and left. I finally removed myself from that place, leaving it to the other members, which was by then only two families that showed up.

Even though I had some doubts here and there during my 40 some years of Christian life, as most believers have been at times, if they would be honest, I kept believing that god cared for and loved me. When the church I was a part of began falling apart after the Pastor passed away March 9 th 2006, I remember the date because it was just 4 days before my 41 st birthday. The members kind of rallied together in the beginning but after a year or so it had begun to come undone, All my quote, "friends, brothers and sisters in the church," left instead of keeping their word they turned away and left.

Nothing.... no answers... no doors of opportunity ever opened... just deafening silence...

Some time in early 2009 I stopped going to church, no longer read the bible and no longer prayed. This was mostly in part to me being in a lot of pain due to my health. I stopped doing any work with Global Web Mission. During this time I was, at first, mad at "god" and my past "friends" for forsaking me. I began to search for the hows and why's to my beliefs. Then, around Xmas of 2009, I had one of those light click on moments. I finally understood, I cannot be upset at "god", how silly and stupid is that? Mad at "god" why that is just preposterous, especially when there is obviously no "god" in which to be upset at.

The past friends, now that is a different story and they can all kiss my ass and are dead to me. "god" I am not longer upset with because if I were that would be like being upset that the Great Pumpkin did not visit my pumpkin patch.

I have deleted almost all of the many websites I built, a few others I gave the passwords to the people I built them for and it is up to them to keep up with them but my name has been removed or will be. I have now renamed Global Web Mission to "GOD" Went Missing. I have now renamed Global Web Mission to "GOD" Went Missing.

I am now an Atheist, I base this on that there is no evidence that a "god" has ever existed in the past, see no viable data to prove one exist today or will in the near or distant future. I am an informed intelligent free thinking person that needs no one to live my life for me. I do not need a "bible", Religion or "god" in order for me to be a morally sound person or to treat the human race with humanity. I am an Atheist because I see no other reason not to be and I am proud of that fact. I choose to live, love and die free from the slavery of religion and to not bow down to worship an imaginary being that some call a "god".


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