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Borderline Father

By Anonymous ~

While I was just a tiny lad,
It was only truth that could come from Dad.
He loved me and tried to keep me from harm
This dangerous world, so much to disarm.

Father to SonImage by KellyB. via Flickr
He was a pastor with insight from God.
A spiritual man without a facade.
He was the one that I looked up to,
For direction in life and all that he knew.

“It’s not just life that we have to fear,
Life after death is all too near.
If you don’t believe the right things,
Tortured you will be with a fire that stings.”

I was afraid to die every night,
Unable to sleep and full of fright.
What if I am not saved at all?
It’s not like I could give God a call.

“You are a sinner, have fallen short,
Of the Glory of God, and you’re like a wart.
A wart that God needs to have cleansed,
So bow your head and make amends.

Only with the right beliefs can you escape,
An eternal punishment and your default fate.
Trust in Christ or end in Hell,”
That’s one way for a good quell.

But Dad, what about those who have never heard?
Are they going to Hell too? That seems absurd.
“Son, these questions we can not know,
But don’t lose your faith, or let your doubts show.”

I’m confused about why God made himself die,
Couldn’t he just have forgiven my sins? Why?
I thought He was an all loving and all powerful God,
If he can’t do what I would do then this all seems very odd.

“Your pride is showing, a dangerous vice.
Satan’s tool. Don’t question God twice.
You cannot understand the Lord’s mysterious ways,
Planned from the beginning of time, and worthy of praise.”

You’re right, I should never question God nor His plans,
Just trust and obey, for I cannot trust fallible man’s.
So I’m either all good, or I am all bad.
It’s the way things are for me as a lad.

I saw horrific things as a small child.
Demonic forces driving people wild.
Casting out supernatural beings was the thing,
My parents decided to do on a fling.

This was evidence that the devil was real,
That evil exists, and it could take over with zeal.
The only way to be safe from demon possession,
Was to be on God’s side, without question.

When my sister acted out as a young girl,
My parents yelled at her and would hurl,
angry words of shame and guilt,
“What is your name? And what have we built?”

I could never face the fear,
Of being rejected by those I held dear.
So I believed, with no other real choice,
Ignoring the inner, wee small voice.

You know what Dad? I’m done being afraid.
Whether I’m acceptable to you is your choice to be made.
Either take me for who I am, warts and all,
Or damn me to hell, it is your call.