The Persuader In Me

By J.W.

It is amazing how blind I was. I would say anything to justify my belief. Like a lawyer pulling the strings of the grand jury. I am persuasive.

"Time Saving Truth from Falsehood and Envy" via Wikipedia

Neither a pastor nor raised in the church, my apologetics turned the stomachs of some hardcore atheists. I did not know then what gave me my power. The desperate hope of mankind to find meaning, purpose, and value -- in the world -- in themselves.

It didn’t occur to me that they were responding to the bold display of love and vulnerability because that spirit is attractive. Who doesn’t want to be loved? Who wouldn’t want to be saved? Who doesn’t want to find purpose?

But like Neo in the Matrix, there was a splinter in my mind. There was something wrong with the world. It did not match my view.

Perhaps the question that was most damaging to me was: “Do I want to live forever?” No, I do not. Truthfully, oblivion sounds like a very merciful end to life. No consciousness, or pain, or haunts, or ills. No remorse or regrets. Just deep sleep -- ultimate rest. Blacked like the end of every film.

Removing the lie is like removing a virus from my hard drive.Life gives us a vary short spotlight. Did I really want to be known as a man promoting a god that never truly manifested himself to me? I don’t mean in spirit or feelings. I mean in pillars of fire, or splitting the sea. I was proclaiming the truth of a man I never met from two thousand years ago when I don’t even know my great grand dad’s name.

It truly is a bazaar thing named religion. I realized the story never mattered to me. It was the spirit of the people I held dear.

Removing the lie is like removing a virus from my hard drive. How do I go about it without damaging files important to my ability to network with others? How can I go through life without being Norton Antivirus? People do not want to hear that they are infected, and I don’t want to spoil their icecream. I must learn restrain the persuader in me.

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