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Moving away from Christianity

By Missy --

I feel that I am moving away from Christianity.

AwayImage by ~FreeBirD®~ via Flickr

It's hard for me to believe there is a god that cares so much about me because my life has always been one of intense problems. It has not stopped.

Just recently I tried to go back to Christianity and get a deliverance prayer done on me which I did, and I didn't feel any difference. I actually felt worse. I felt like I wanted to sin more and I didn't feel it working inside of me.

I have this rage for god and this rage for myself because I don't know if it is me not believing or it's just not working on me.

After being upset from the deliverance not working, I would rather leave Christianity for good. For the last 6 years I have been back and forth leaving Christianity and coming back to it. But I think that I am tired of going back and forth. I think that I am just going to stay agnostic.

The only time I really know that god helped me was when I almost died 4 times in my life. Thats the only time I think he was really there.

I don't understand. He knows I'm suffering down here. Why don't he just let me be killed and not protect me anymore. Its like he wants me to suffer on this earth and not die.

I had enough of Christianity. I will no longer go back.