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Things Christians Do That Irritate Me

By Aspieguy ~

Christians do so many things that simply annoy and irritate me. Some of these things they do irritate me because of my Aspergers. I won't say this is a top ten list. I'll stop when I exhaust my examples.

  1. They are never quiet. They talk continuously and are noticeably uncomfortable with silence.
  2. They touch and hug you without permission. Strangers touching me is freaky
  3. They sing songs about things they don't ever do. For example, they never "dance for Jesus" or "lift holy hands". Because the majority of people masturbate, I wonder how holy the hands are.
  4. They lie. They claim to love everyone but really don't. Some employ sarcasm. I don't recognize sarcasm because I take it literally. I consider sarcasm a form of lying.
  5. The men act like women. Some cry when speaking before the church. They are truly in touch with their feminine side. I'm not.
  6. The men engage in womanly small talk and talk constantly. My idea of a good time is fishing with another man and rarely engaging in conversation other than fish.
  7. They close their eyes and lift hands during praise and worship songs. I suppose they look really spiritual.
  8. They judge others harshly and deny they do it.
  9.  They treat the bible like a cafeteria.
  10. They react to Christianity emotionally, never intellectually.
  11. They constantly employ logical fallacies.
  12. They confuse prayer with actions. Prayers have accomplished nothing.
  13.  They are generally boring. Few people actually interest me. I have no interest in team sports, celebrities, and small talk.
  14.  They assume you agree with their doctrines and opinions. If you don't, you get a lecture.
  15. They think earth is not their home. Home is an invisible place in which they have never been.
  16.  They are thoroughly pissed at atheists, Muslims, gays, and liberals. So much for love.
  17. They can't listen to alternative explanations of biblical events.
  18. Pastors tell stupid jokes, irrelevant stories, or show dull godtube videos. I would rather have extensive dental work than watch Rob Bell's Nooma videos.
  19. They have cliques. No explanation needed.
  20.  They insist that you subscribe to "biblical marriage". I was held to this standard by a serial adulterer.
  21. They are happy to take your money but still treat you like shit.
  22. So many pastors view pornography on church computers. Church secretaries embezzle money, and youth pastors molest the youth.
  23. I never tell people whenever I do something good for other people. They tell everyone. If you engage in some good work, say volunteer at a food pantry, they call that a "ministry". I don't know what that means.
  24.  They insist that you listen to only christian radio stations. K-love makes me want slam my fingers in a door.
  25. They insist you read only boring, christian books.
  26. They think praise and worship music should be your favorite genre. Ewww. My favorites are jazz, big band, swing, Sinatra, classical, Carmina Burana, indie, Foster the People. I even like the High School Musical soundtrack.
  27.  They don't pay any property taxes on church property. Many communities desperately need tax income.
  28. They are secretive about church finances.
  29. They instantly forget members who stop attending services. I never received a single phone call or email when I quit church.
  30. They are ritualistic regardless of what kind of services they have.
  31. Pastors are generally useless. They compose boring sermons and do hospital visits. I don't like visitors when I am in hospital. Visit me at home when I'm feeling better.
Well, I exhausted my examples. I suppose christians are generally annoying much of the time.

A few years ago I underwent a hernia repair. It was a simple procedure, and I went home afterwards. I never told anyone let alone ask for prayers. I had church people angry with me because I didn't ask for prayer and refused to be put on the prayer chain. Well, hell. I had an good anesthesiologist, great surgeon, and excellent nurses. What more could could I want?

Aren't the Christians so silly?

I wiggle my ears for your comments.