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Hello Again

By Allen Baine ~

Hell, it is me again. Allen Baine the double agent. As I posted a while back I was with an extremely religious girlfriend. It was difficult as I ended up in church unable to swallow anything they taught. Feeling so phone and fake.

But now things have changed. I have discovered this girl was totally crazy as well. PTSD, Bipolar and in denial and untreated about the latter. She also has extreme anxiety. It all started slowly really, my realization that this was a bad relationship.

When I met her I was in a real bad place. That place is another blog in itself. She came into my life when I was hurting and vulnerable and needing support. She got into my head.

Her fear and anxiety turned into controlling and isolating me. Saying stuff about family members and actually turning me against my own family. All the while praying and speaking in tongues and more extreme in her religion thaan most yet at the same time sending hateful angry e-mails to family (hers and mine) over things she was upset about (and often started).

At this point it is obvious she has serious mental health issues. But here is the question. Where is god in all of this? He seemed strangely silent as always. She justified it because we weren’t married and living in sin. But did not Jesus himself go to the sinner and forgive them and then heal them? He even sought out the doubters and proved himself, well according to the Bible anyway.

So finally this last Friday (Feb 22nd, 2013) I split to a hotel and today (the 26th) is my last day here. Then over to my sisters house to stay in my RV.

The wife and I are divorcing and for a long time were fighting back and forth as a result of the influence of my girlfriend. I am separated from my wife and rushed into the relationship with the girlfriend. You kind of have to be there to understand the story behind all of this.

I have since forgiven my wife, while we are not getting back together, I am going with her to Arizona to help her start a new life, then off to see my dad in Mississippi.

So this religious girlfriend tightened her grip on me and made me turn against friends and family out of her own anxiety and fears and at the same time trying to control me.

But I broke free. I just have a few things to get from the apartment and am done. So once again god has failed. Shouldn’t he have healed this girl a long time ago?

But here is the eye opener? When I was deeply religious I was just like her. High anxiety, fear, emotional and praying to god all the time trying to find answers. But then I broke free and over the years a lot of that fell away. I am free now.

So my point is it doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not, you will always live the results of your choices and if you’re mental, god or not, you need help. Sitting around praying in tongues or just praying won’t make a difference. You must take action to fix the problems in your life.

As for me? I am unemployed, almost broke and nearly homeless. But I am not afraid and happy as I could be. Why? Because when I get back from my trip, I am taking action.

Oh and who is Allen Baine? My real name? It is….Neal Stone

I’m back!