Who killed my faith, me or God?

By Steph ~

I am now an official ex-Christian. It started three years ago after 35 years of being a Christian. Ironically, I started reading the bible cover to cover to be the best "Christian" I could. Started reading Genesis and it went down hill from there.

I grew up a Southern Baptist and started worrying about hell from the time I was 5-years-old. They would give pamphlets to the kids in my church showing people burning in hell for not going to church on Sunday. You were also going to hell if you drank any type of alcohol. Needless to say, I was terrified and was for 35 years.

My father was the worst of the worst, hateful, abusive but he believed in Jesus so whatever hell he put his family through was OK. He drove my mother crazy and would humiliate her and my siblings at church. Not one person at any church we attended stepped up or helped us. I have two older siblings who are just as messed up as I am from all their crap.

My cousin in Oklahoma still belongs to the Southern Baptist sect and she emails me constantly saying her pastor tells her she is not "saved" and is going to hell. Poor thing takes meds due to her nerves and I have begged her to leave that cult.

Believe it or not, I had never actually read the New Testament and just took pastors' over the years word for it that is was true. Imagine my shock to know there was never a man called, "Jesus." I had never even thought about it. Started reading that Jesus will send people to hell for not being perfect like God and got so sick I had to go to the emergency room. Who on earth can be perfect like God?

It has been an awful experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and the God I thought I knew isn't the one the bible portrays. The God in the bible kills babies, hates women and thinks slavery is A-OK, as long as it's a non-Jewish man. My mom's family are Jewish, and christians have said God had the holocaust because they didn't accept Jesus. WTF?

I am done with all religion and Christians in general. And when anyone (I live in TX, Bible Belt) asks me what church I go to, I am going to tell them everything I have written here. Then watch the looks on their faces and walk away.

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