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Just my story and struggle

By Ken ~

OK, I was raised in a Christian home I guess. My parents would drag me from church to church depending on their mood. When I was in my mid teens I didn't feel like going so they would take my sister and then go out to do something fun after church in an attempt to blackmail me into going, didn't work by the way.

I actually got pretty into being a "Christian" for a while. But then I started asking questions about things that were in the bible and nobody had any answer other than the standard "It's god's will" or "The lord works in mysterious ways". Needless to say I got away from the whole mess.

Now, in my mid 20's I was in the US Army and was deployed for Operation Desert Shield/Storm. While there I saw so many hypocritical bible-bashers it was disgusting. People that I knew were cheating on their wives, alcoholics, spouse abusers, were singing to high heaven about how holy they were. This of course was being done due to the fact that they were hedging their bets. I guess I was the rare "atheist in a fox-hole".

Now, after my military service ended in 2001, I joined a police department. I don't think people understand how hard this job is and the stresses that we have to endure. I look at things this way, I see god's work everyday now. I see the beaten wives and kids, the dead children, the homes broken into, the families torn apart, and I wonder, how could any god allow things like this to happen. I know that if this work is the result of one supreme being, then I am sure he/she is an idiot!

The only problem that I have right now is trying to decide how to tell my still Christian parents that I am no longer "in the flock". I have a feeling they know but are not quite sure. It is hard to confront my father due to the fact that I found out he molested my sister on three separate occasions. But of course he says God has forgiven him and therefore I should as well. Sorry, not gonna happen. I refuse to kneel before anyone or anything that allows something like that to be forgiven!
So, if there are any ideas as to how I should handle this, I welcome the advice.