Charismatic to Questioning

By VeroP ~

What an awesome site!

I was raised Church of the Brethren (COB) and was very involved. I went to church camp in the summer, was president of the youth group, helped with younger kids, sang in the choir, when to youth conference, etc. But in addition I took on some beliefs from outside of COB, namely, I became a charismatic Christian - I prayed in tongues and was filled with the holy ghost.

So with this going on in life, I received a 'calling' to go to Oral Roberts University. I spent my first two years of college there and then decided that they were not practicing what they preached - so, taking my beliefs with me, I transferred closer to home to a Mennonite college.

The difference was huge, but I felt a sincerity in the people I was with that had been absent at ORU. My first semester at the new school was spent in Central America and after finishing out the year at school, I joined Witness for Peace - a peace group working to stop the war in Nicaragua.

This is where my faith really got slammed - having been raised to believe in an all-powerful, all-loving god, war did not fit into that picture. There was one specific day as I viewed the bodies of the dead from an attack the night before that I renounced my belief in a deity - he just did not make sense any more.

Did I mention that I was a theology major? So somehow, returning to school after a year of peace work did not make sense either. I had too many questions.

Over the years I have found comfort in other forms of spirituality, but churches usually make me angry and I avoid them. I feel betrayed and the realization of the depth of the betrayal has been a process over time. Even this past year I've question some things even further that hadn't seemed to matter before, but makes the lie of religion deeper and somehow more deceitful.

Happy to find others with similar journeys.

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