By ByronFish ~
Who is the enabler and who is the codependent?
Image by jasonEscapist via FlickrI hesitate to write this because I’m sure plenty of smart and articulate people have already written about the codependent/enabler relationship people of faith have with their god/gods.
My great aunt...I’m calling her ‘Pat’ in this story, who has since past was married most of her life to an abusive, pedophile and violent man. When I was young, maybe 6-8 years old, I was often baby sat by my aunt. My aunt was a foster parent on top of having several children and many grandchildren running around the house at any given time. There were kids, dogs and cats everywhere in that house...and there was also her husband George.
All of us kids knew to stay away from George. At the time my reason for avoiding him was because I often witnessed him grabbing young children who walked too close to his recliner where he sat watching t.v. and smoking his cigars. If caught, he would burn the child with his lit cigar and give them a smack before turning them loose. It wasn’t until later in life, after George died, that I was informed of many of the other criminal acts he perpetrated on untold numbers of children who crossed his path, family members and foster children alike.
After George’s passing I was informed of the numerous times he sent his wife Pat to the hospital with broken bones and other wounds. It is said he once threw her out of the second story window of their house, onto the driveway below where she broke her back and other bones. Now that I think about it, seems I do remember she often had a cast, Ace bandage or other wound dressing around her arm or leg. As is customary in these abusive relationships, Pat always made excuses for staying with her husband George. She refused to leave him and held out hope that he would someday change and I’m sure that included the hope that he would also become a Christian.
My aunt ‘Pat’ would never leave George since divorce is a ‘sin’ and I’m sure she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to raise all those children on her own. Pat was always donating her time to the local Food Bank and neighborhood thrift stores helping the poor. She was very dedicated to her faith in Jesus. I’m sure her faith was both an attempt to be comforted and maybe also some twisted way at punishing herself even further, as it seemed she thought she deserved the bad things that happened to her.
The reason I bring up this relationship with Pat and George is because it reminds me of the relationship I used to have with the God of the bible and his followers. I cease to be amazed at how many times people can pray for specific or even vague things to happen and when they don’t happen, these same people make up all kinds of excuses why God didn't do what they asked him to do. The most common excuse I hear is Self Blame, i.e...”I’m being taught a lesson” or “God has something better for me” or often thought, but left unsaid “I have sin in my life and that’s why God isn’t listening to me”.
God gets away with murder and his followers let him off the hook. God doesn't answer prayer, they justify his silence and even blame themselves!
Most of us have had people in our lives who will stop at nothing to enable an abuser. They continue to suffer for them, cover up for them and die for them. How much more will they do it for one as powerful as God Almighty?
Who is the enabler and who is the codependent?
Image by jasonEscapist via FlickrMy great aunt...I’m calling her ‘Pat’ in this story, who has since past was married most of her life to an abusive, pedophile and violent man. When I was young, maybe 6-8 years old, I was often baby sat by my aunt. My aunt was a foster parent on top of having several children and many grandchildren running around the house at any given time. There were kids, dogs and cats everywhere in that house...and there was also her husband George.
All of us kids knew to stay away from George. At the time my reason for avoiding him was because I often witnessed him grabbing young children who walked too close to his recliner where he sat watching t.v. and smoking his cigars. If caught, he would burn the child with his lit cigar and give them a smack before turning them loose. It wasn’t until later in life, after George died, that I was informed of many of the other criminal acts he perpetrated on untold numbers of children who crossed his path, family members and foster children alike.
After George’s passing I was informed of the numerous times he sent his wife Pat to the hospital with broken bones and other wounds. It is said he once threw her out of the second story window of their house, onto the driveway below where she broke her back and other bones. Now that I think about it, seems I do remember she often had a cast, Ace bandage or other wound dressing around her arm or leg. As is customary in these abusive relationships, Pat always made excuses for staying with her husband George. She refused to leave him and held out hope that he would someday change and I’m sure that included the hope that he would also become a Christian.
My aunt ‘Pat’ would never leave George since divorce is a ‘sin’ and I’m sure she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to raise all those children on her own. Pat was always donating her time to the local Food Bank and neighborhood thrift stores helping the poor. She was very dedicated to her faith in Jesus. I’m sure her faith was both an attempt to be comforted and maybe also some twisted way at punishing herself even further, as it seemed she thought she deserved the bad things that happened to her.
The reason I bring up this relationship with Pat and George is because it reminds me of the relationship I used to have with the God of the bible and his followers. I cease to be amazed at how many times people can pray for specific or even vague things to happen and when they don’t happen, these same people make up all kinds of excuses why God didn't do what they asked him to do. The most common excuse I hear is Self Blame, i.e...”I’m being taught a lesson” or “God has something better for me” or often thought, but left unsaid “I have sin in my life and that’s why God isn’t listening to me”.
God gets away with murder and his followers let him off the hook. God doesn't answer prayer, they justify his silence and even blame themselves!
Most of us have had people in our lives who will stop at nothing to enable an abuser. They continue to suffer for them, cover up for them and die for them. How much more will they do it for one as powerful as God Almighty?
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