7/11/2010 | Share this article:By Peggar --
I cannot say I believed in the bible. As a very young child, forced to go to church from the very beginning as an infant in my mother's arms, and then the whole bible school after church thing every week, I found I could not believe in the stories that were told there. I would tell my parents of my disbelief.
Image via WikipediaMy dad would smile, my mom would become incensed! SHE was the religious one who was raised Dutch Reform. We went to the Lutheran church that my dad was raised in. That was their compromise, as HER church would not allow TV, radio, the celebration of Christmas with the gifts and tree, and God forbid - EGGS at Easter!!
I could not believe "God" who was supposed to be all knowing would make a devil-angel that would reek havoc on his stupid weak human creation, and then let those same beloved human children suffer and burn FOREVER because a super human devil-angel tricked them. I would say, Mom, none of the human parents would let a drug dealer on the play ground to lead US astray, so why would God let the devil loose upon HIS children?
"We all know how sex is demonized in the Middle-Eastern religions. Well, the way I see it, the snake that tempted Eve was Adam's one-eyed-trouser snake, and the fruit that Eve gave Adam was not an apple but her cherry! And after they had sex, they now 'knew they were naked' and that 'fruit of the tree of life' thing was pointing to the sex starting their family tree!"Then the ESP came at the age of 10. Throughout grade school and high school and beyond, I saw in dreams several deaths of classmates, their parents, a relative, etc. before those deaths happened. Warning them didn't stop it. I was labeled a "witch child" and my disbelief did not help. That was when I started to think I WAS somehow evil. I mean, what was wrong with me that I could not believe no matter how hard I tried? Where WERE these dreams coming from? I could not stop them. Talk about mental child abuse! If my mom was not into the whole god/devil thing, a scientific answer that I finally was free to find in college would free me of guilt. I found out theoretical physics accepts time as being non linear, and wave mechanics absolutely says ESP is a function of quantum mechanics. I was no longer "demon possessed." According to scientists at TED Talks, people who have bouts of ESP have a part of the brain that is active in them that is a "dead zone" in others. So I am normal! Kind of.
Before being completely freed from religion in college, where I got a double major in two scientific fields, I had my final rebellion against the religious establishment. I said in my last forced visit to church, the week before I turned 18, that last week of my high school years, that I finally understood the Adam and Eve "FABLE," I said defiantly. I looked at our Junior Pastor that ran the confirmation classes, and said this, "We all know how sex is demonized in the Middle-Eastern religions. Well, the way I see it, the snake that tempted Eve was Adam's one-eyed-trouser snake, and the fruit that Eve gave Adam was not an apple but her cherry! And after they had sex, they now 'knew they were naked' and that 'fruit of the tree of life' thing was pointing to the sex starting their family tree!" I felt I left church-going with a flair.
In the decades since graduating from college, I still held on to the belief there was some kind of higher power, or undefined existence that was watching us, even though it did not make scientific sense. The brainwashing of my youth held firm, to the extent I believed a MAN name Jesus may have existed who was like Ghandi, and he was killed for trying to change the religious power structure of the Jewish priests. It wasn't until the Bush/Cheney regime, and watching how the religious stood by that mad man's deceptions , that I wanted an answer once and for all. It was the movie Zeitgeist that set me free completely. I read the movie's bibliography. I did further research into religions' beginnings. I saw how religion was started and why it is maintained. I felt completely freed of all the guilt of my decades of unbelief. And forums like this continue to feed my well being.
And the science that save me from self loathing and fear saved my life years later, but that is better left as an upcoming story. Its of a family history of auto-immune deceases that end when one seeks the right doctor and doesn't wait for prayer.
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