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Looking to the guy in the mirror

By Mike --

To start with, you can decide for yourselves what I am, but I have been told I'm headed to hell (I bet it looks like my back yard in June July and August) because of a few things, such as not being faithful enough and being a Goth. Oh you have not lived until you have been a Goth who crosses paths with hardcore fundamentalists. To be fair, there have been some awesome ones, but boy you know it when a Suspected satanist meets the other side. But enough on that element of humor.

I walked away from a very large church and I'll tell you why since so many share a similar story.

I was born into The Worldwide Church Of God pastored by God's chosen opostle, Herbert Armstong and I'm betting many readers recognize that name. I was also born into a semi gothic family which was the best thing that happened to me.

Father was not there, mother was Carrie's mom. We went to curch every Saturday, kept every holy day, and we tithed if it killed us, which it nearly did, and if we failed to obey the sabbath we gave account to a minister during a visit to our house (oh I'd love for them to try that now!)

I am being very honest here. I tithed and became so broke it was horrific since I had no education and was supporting my hag of a mother on McDonalds wages and being persecuted because I was so different.

I kept the Sabbaths till I was almost ill from being the guy at the church dances who the girls shunned. It was years before I found that the vile females there and most of the boys hated me but put on their Christian masks (the best selling mask in the world!!) in front of me.

Mother disapproved of everything, hated my music since Rock music was inspired by Satan, condemned my writing since it was mystery which invited demons into our home, condemned my dark mentality since Satan had taken over my mind, and she knew that after watching a horror movie or two I'd grow up to hack someone to death with a machete. I had one, and she literally threw it away when it was used to murder weeds wholesale.

I will say one thing that I believe, that these misdirected idiots who claim they are filled with the holy spirit would do well to choke down some other spirits. After the girls in the church were poisoned against me I dated outside the church and was so screwed up in my desire for affection that I married into a relationship that never should have happened. That got me suspended, then my repentance got me back.

The pastor general died, and his top man, Joe Tkatch took over and began to tear the place up. He died of cancer and his son took over the throne and really rocked the boat. He changed doctrines and teachings and did such a dramatic job that there was one HUGE falling away. Wheeeeee, I fell away tooooooooo. I remember a magazine that came and showed some of the changes and that was it for me.

I was so brainwashed by the legalism that I hit the guilt field and nearly committed suicide, notes written and attempts made, stopping short of letting my demon mother find the body. Mommy darling stole from me, lied about me, and in front of me told a minister about my supposedly homicidal temper, then she and her new husband disowned me and cut off all communication. Possibly I should thank her for that, but they burn garbage, and when she died she was cremated.

Anyhow, I kept up my prayers and my attempts at being a Christian, then one day when I could no longer handle misreading intervention and backfiring prayer I made a decision that the only man I'd look to thenceforth was the guy in the mirror. Over-sized forehead, lame brain with learning dysfunction and all.

I also began asking myself what was wrong with being a goth. I was not a Satanist, not practicing witchcraft and not eating babies (sugarbabies don't count, really). I began to change when the wife wanted to keep Halloween and it became a fun family event where I made money. I then began listening to goth music by groups like Midnight Syndicate and Nightwish, and buying the clothes and adopting the look I wanted. I was already an outsider, a reject, so who cares. I then learned a few things. Goth friends did not hate gays, they did not hate people who believed differently, they were not inherently evil, and dark moonlit nights full of fog and candle lit houses were beautiful.

I consider myself a free thinker now. I research everything, God, Satan, the bible, erratic growth of cucumbers, everything. I've gone to some churches with friends and family, but I am not a member of any organization. Mother would turn over in her urn if she saw me now, but that is amusing.

I continue to research human origins, and I continue to ask many questions. All I want to do is learn new facts.

I will say one thing that I believe, that these misdirected idiots who claim they are filled with the holy spirit would do well to choke down some other spirits. I went to a local baptist church recently just for the heck of it and after ten minutes of listening to the minister slam his hands down and scream hell fire I walked out. It was time to find a cold drink. My family agreed.

I hope each and everyone of you finds the end of the rainbow he is looking for.