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Just not too sure if I should care anymore

By Maddeline ~

I just don't care any more! That's right, I said it, lol. I was raised in a Christian home and still live there. I am busy trying to get my career started and get my own place but it has been difficult.

My mom still goes to church every week. I find her to be terribly obnoxious. She is one of those lazy housewives that hasn't worked for thirty years and she is always guilt tripping me.

I am tired of all this guilt! I just want to shed it all. I am tired of playing this game in my head. Is God listening to my prayers? I don't really care anymore. I just want to live my life. I am looking for support from this community and I have to say I love it here. I just want to live my life without all this guilt.

I am more nihilistic now. Sex, money, power, it all seems great and fulfilling to me, lol. I have admitted to my supportive sister that I have basically rejected the faith and am also bisexual and love gorgeous well-hung black men. I don't want kids or a family. Part of being a Christian man is this expectation that you will get married, have a family, and raise them to be good Christians. I find it all terribly revolting!

No, I am not the son they wanted me to be, and it feels great. I am barely hanging on to my faith and just need some encouragement from the community to take the final steps.