I am a Double Agent


By Allen Blaine ~

My name is Baine, Allen Baine (not my real name) and I am a double agent. What do I mean by that? Simply I am living life as a Christian and yet do not believe.

It all started back in 2007 when I found this site and started reading. In 2008 I started to blog here on a regular basis up until 2011. In fact many of you have read my blogs and I was quite popular here. My final blog was about my life story. But it was the only blog I would do about my life story. I never got to finish.

You see, in Summer 2011 I separated from my wife of 10 years. After an auto accident that fall, I found myself back together with her. Then in Novemeber I met a new friend who challenged me, and I found myself refinding my faith...or so I thought. Over the course of a year things went back to how they were before, and this last summer we separated again.

It was July of 2012. This time things got strange and I won't even go into it. But this time the separation is turning into divorce and preparing to file as I write this. I moved out of the house and eventually met a girl and moved in with her. As it turns out she is very religious and is a big Joyce Meyer fan who I can't stand.

I now find myself struggling as she is trying to strengthen my faith and yet I am struggling with the idea of even believing in the first place. So now I am stuck and not sure what to do here. We do love each other but I can't go on like this for much longer. In fact considering moving away soon. I will have some money to settle with, just need a place to go and a job. For details you will have to write me directly at sweetolyman5 AT Yahoo DOT com .

This is my cover address, I will reply from my real one. I have to be real careful until I figure this out. Its frustrating as I wanted to find my way back to God, but it's just not there. I just can't swallow this whole Christian thing anymore. On top of it all I made some poor choices that resulted in totally bringing my life to a halt and now work a dead end job and am losing the home I shared with the wife and most of what we bought together over the years.

Mostly just my personal belongings. I feel so phony and afraid to tell my girlfriend my feelings. I truly wanted to be a goldy man for her, but its just not there. I just can't. How can I go back when I see so much deception and find myself being faced with the same old half baked excuses and theories. I just can't swallow it. Even my girlfriend is caught up in it all and honestly believes all of it. On a lighter side, I now get to see the Christian life from a different perspective. To see in action what I once believed. But it saddens me when I see so many invested in this. But deep inside, I am still free, but yet feel bound.

So what to do? Where to go? Thanks for listening. I want to change my life in a big way and be myself once again.


Agnosticator,5,Al Wm Johnson,3,Alegria,3,Alen Basic,1,American Apostate,3,Andrew Jasko,3,Anne R Keye,6,AnonAgno94,4,Apetivist,2,Apostate Paul,3,Articles,708,Aspieguy,12,Astreja,9,atheistnurse,10,AtheistToothFairy,1,austinrohm,3,Avangelism Project,2,Barrett Evans,2,Ben Love,69,billybee,2,BlackFreethought,12,Bob Keye,3,Bob R,4,boomSlang,1,Bore Venal Charlatan,2,Brad N,1,Brian Kellogg,8,Brisancian,3,Bruce Gerencser,1,Bruno Corey,1,C. T. Ogden,4,Carl S,377,Carol Putnam,2,Carolyn Hyppolite,10,Cecelia,4,Cheryl Ensom Dack,6,Chris Highland,2,Chris W.,1,Christian Agnostic,2,Christmas,31,ChuckyJesus,1,ConversationsWithA,1,Daniel out of the Lion's Den,15,Daniel Payne,1,Dano,17,darklady,7,Dave8,1,DealDoctor,24,Dethblight,6,dharma,4,Discordia,5,Doubting Thomas,2,Dr. Marlene Winell,25,Dr. Valerie Tarico,150,DRC,2,dswrites,2,Easter,28,EChamberlainMD,6,Ed (Teapot),2,Edward T. Babinski,1,Eric Jeffries,2,eveningmeadows,11,Evid3nc3,3,ex-Pastor Dan,19,exfundy,2,exPenty,8,Faithfool,2,Fernando Alcántar,6,freddieb42,2,freeatlast,6,G.M. Gates,2,Gary T. McDonald,2,God-O-Rama,6,Godlessgrrl,5,Greenworld,4,hellboundsoul,3,Herb,3,Houndies,3,illu minati,2,Incongruous Circumspection,11,J.W.,2,JadedAtheist,2,Jake Rhodes,3,James A. Haught,3,James C,2,James Wilhelm,9,Jazzybelle,3,Jennifer,3,Jody,3,John Draper,26,John Loftus,2,John Shores,26,Kalos,3,Karen Garst,31,Kim Anne Whittemore,1,Klym,24,Larry C,5,Larry Spencer,3,Letters,149,Libby Anne,3,Log1cd1ctat3s,2,Luke,1,lungfish,1,Merle Hertzler,1,Michael Runyan,36,Michael Sherlock,5,Mriana,17,MtlRedAtheist,1,Neal Stone,20,News,185,Nikki,1,NYdiva,2,ooglyman,2,Opinion,980,Patrice,2,Paul Hannah,1,Paul So,26,Philippe Orlando,3,Philonous,1,Politics,59,Positivist,5,psychman33,5,Rational Logic,3,Rational Okie,2,Renoliz,10,Rev Ex-Evangelist,7,RickO,3,Robert Conner,8,Ronna Russell,12,Rudy,4,Russ Hamel,2,Science,30,SeageVT,3,Shaolin,4,Simplex Munditiis,3,Son of a preacher,5,Steve Dustcircle,4,Stillunsure,4,Summerbreeze,25,Susan G. Bonella,3,Tania,22,tekHedd,2,Testimonials,1004,Thanksgiving,4,The STeWpId MoNkEy,4,TheThinkingAtheist,5,Thin-ice,4,ThinkTank,5,Tim Sledge,4,Tim Wolf,1,TinMan,1,True Anathema,4,TruthSurge,1,Ubi Dubium,4,undercover agnostic,25,unoder,7,Vadarama,2,Victor J Webster,2,Videos,102,Vyckie,10,Webmdave,9,WidePathGirl,2,WizenedSage,137,xrayman,2,xxkindofboredxx,2,Yak,9,
ExChristian.Net: I am a Double Agent
I am a Double Agent
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