I am a Double Agent

SHARE:

By Allen Blaine ~

My name is Baine, Allen Baine (not my real name) and I am a double agent. What do I mean by that? Simply I am living life as a Christian and yet do not believe.

It all started back in 2007 when I found this site and started reading. In 2008 I started to blog here on a regular basis up until 2011. In fact many of you have read my blogs and I was quite popular here. My final blog was about my life story. But it was the only blog I would do about my life story. I never got to finish.

You see, in Summer 2011 I separated from my wife of 10 years. After an auto accident that fall, I found myself back together with her. Then in Novemeber I met a new friend who challenged me, and I found myself refinding my faith...or so I thought. Over the course of a year things went back to how they were before, and this last summer we separated again.

It was July of 2012. This time things got strange and I won't even go into it. But this time the separation is turning into divorce and preparing to file as I write this. I moved out of the house and eventually met a girl and moved in with her. As it turns out she is very religious and is a big Joyce Meyer fan who I can't stand.

I now find myself struggling as she is trying to strengthen my faith and yet I am struggling with the idea of even believing in the first place. So now I am stuck and not sure what to do here. We do love each other but I can't go on like this for much longer. In fact considering moving away soon. I will have some money to settle with, just need a place to go and a job. For details you will have to write me directly at sweetolyman5 AT Yahoo DOT com .

This is my cover address, I will reply from my real one. I have to be real careful until I figure this out. Its frustrating as I wanted to find my way back to God, but it's just not there. I just can't swallow this whole Christian thing anymore. On top of it all I made some poor choices that resulted in totally bringing my life to a halt and now work a dead end job and am losing the home I shared with the wife and most of what we bought together over the years.

Mostly just my personal belongings. I feel so phony and afraid to tell my girlfriend my feelings. I truly wanted to be a goldy man for her, but its just not there. I just can't. How can I go back when I see so much deception and find myself being faced with the same old half baked excuses and theories. I just can't swallow it. Even my girlfriend is caught up in it all and honestly believes all of it. On a lighter side, I now get to see the Christian life from a different perspective. To see in action what I once believed. But it saddens me when I see so many invested in this. But deep inside, I am still free, but yet feel bound.

So what to do? Where to go? Thanks for listening. I want to change my life in a big way and be myself once again.

COMMENTS

A. Uiet Bhor,8,Agnosticator,9,Al Wm Johnson,3,Alegria,3,Alen Basic,1,American Apostate,3,Andrew Jasko,3,Anne R Keye,6,AnonAgno94,4,Apostate Paul,3,Articles,842,Aspieguy,12,Astreja,19,Atheist Dad,1,atheistnurse,10,AtheistToothFairy,6,Avangelism Project,7,Ben Love,68,Bill J,17,billybee,10,BlackFreethought,11,Bob Keye,3,Bob P,9,Bob R,5,boomSlang,2,Bore Venal Charlatan,2,Brian B,5,Brian Kellogg,8,Brisancian,3,Brother Jeff,9,Bruce Gerencser,2,Bruno Corey,1,Butch,2,C. T. Ogden,4,Calladus,5,Carl S,364,Carol Putnam,2,Carolyn Hyppolite,10,Cecelia,4,Cheryl Ensom Dack,6,Chris W.,1,Christian Agnostic,2,Christmas,66,ChuckyJesus,7,ConversationsWithA,1,D. R. Khashaba,6,DagoodS,17,Daniel Morgan,2,Daniel out of the Lion's Den,15,Daniel Payne,1,Dano,28,darklady,7,Dave8,1,DealDoctor,29,Dennis Diehl,1,Dethblight,6,dharma,4,Discordia,4,DocMIke,30,Doubting Thomas,2,Doug John,1,Dr. Marlene Winell,41,Dr. Valerie Tarico,215,DRC,2,dswrites,2,Easter,32,EChamberlainMD,12,Ed (Teapot),2,Eric Jeffries,2,eveningmeadows,13,Evid3nc3,4,ex-Pastor Dan,25,exfundy,8,exPenty,8,Faithfool,2,Feature,6,Fernando Alcántar,5,freddieb42,2,freeatlast,6,Freethinking Okie,1,Gabe,3,Gary T. McDonald,1,God-O-Rama,6,Godlessgrrl,5,Greenworld,4,hellboundsoul,3,Houndies,3,Ian,14,illu minati,2,Incongruous Circumspection,11,J.C. Samuelson,25,J.W.,2,JadedAtheist,2,Jake Rhodes,3,James A. Haught,4,James C,4,Jazzybelle,3,Jennifer,3,Jody,5,John Blatt,8,John Botha,1,John Draper,26,John Fraysse,7,John Loftus,26,John Shores,26,Kalos,4,Karen Garst,31,Kevin Parry,1,Klym,24,Larry C,5,Larry Spencer,5,Letters,150,Libby Anne,3,Log1cd1ctat3s,2,Lorena,16,Luke,1,lungfish,1,Micah_Cowan,3,Michael Runyan,32,Michael Sherlock,5,Mriana,38,MtlRedAtheist,8,News,271,Nikki,1,Nvrgoingbk,7,NYdiva,2,ooglyman,2,Opinion,963,Patrice,2,Paul So,26,Philippe Orlando,3,Philonous,1,Politics,59,Positivist,5,Psy-Cop,1,psychman33,5,Rational Okie,3,Renoliz,10,Rev Ex-Evangelist,7,RickO,3,Robert Conner,8,Ronna Russell,12,RubySera,1,Rudy,4,Russ Hamel,2,SailerFraud,5,Sam Singleton,5,Science,105,SConner,2,SeageVT,3,Shaolin,4,Sharon,3,Simplex Munditiis,3,Son of a preacher,5,Stephen F. Uhl,4,Steve Dustcircle,4,Stillunsure,4,Stronger Now,3,summerbreeze,33,Susan G. Bonella,3,Tania,22,tekHedd,2,Testimonials,1902,Thanksgiving,8,The New Heretics,4,The STeWpId MoNkEy,4,The Thylacine,2,TheThinkingAtheist,5,Thin-ice,5,ThinkTank,5,Thomas,1,Tim Simmons,22,Tim Sledge,3,Tim Whistorn,2,Tim Wolf,1,TinMan,1,True Anathema,4,TruthSurge,11,Tyrone Williams,5,u,1,Ubi Dubium,4,undercover agnostic,24,unoder,7,Vadarama,2,Victor J Webster,2,Videos,433,Vyckie,11,Webmdave,85,WidePathGirl,2,WizenedSage,158,xrayman,6,xxkindofboredxx,2,Zach Moore,13,
ltr
item
ExChristian.Net: I am a Double Agent
I am a Double Agent
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MmWH7V0-LBc/URjMQygHcFI/AAAAAAAAGUM/W_16RguW264/s320/Goingthroughsomechanges.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MmWH7V0-LBc/URjMQygHcFI/AAAAAAAAGUM/W_16RguW264/s72-c/Goingthroughsomechanges.jpg
ExChristian.Net
https://new.exchristian.net/2013/02/i-am-double-agent.html
https://new.exchristian.net/
https://new.exchristian.net/
https://new.exchristian.net/2013/02/i-am-double-agent.html
true
1266985040290242663
UTF-8
Loaded All Posts Not found any posts VIEW ALL Read more Reply Cancel reply Delete By Home PAGES POSTS View All RECOMMENDED FOR YOU LABEL ARCHIVE SEARCH ALL POSTS Not found any post match with your request Back Home Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat January February March April May June July August September October November December Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec just now 1 minute ago $$1$$ minutes ago 1 hour ago $$1$$ hours ago Yesterday $$1$$ days ago $$1$$ weeks ago more than 5 weeks ago Followers Follow THIS PREMIUM CONTENT IS LOCKED STEP 1: Share to a social network STEP 2: Click the link on your social network Copy All Code Select All Code All codes were copied to your clipboard Can not copy the codes / texts, please press [CTRL]+[C] (or CMD+C with Mac) to copy