Skip to main content

I was not questioning god, I was questioning you.

by dharma ~

As a child, I had my share of imaginary friends. These imaginary friends were perfect. When I was terrified in the dark, thanks to the bible stories I had heard in church, these imaginary friends helped to ease my mind. And when I was punished for having done something typically kid-like my sight-unseen buddies were naturally exiled to my room along with me. Oh yes, we were ‘as thick as thieves’, as my aunt used to say. However, even as a child I understood the difference between fantasy and reality. So I was not surprised when I started school and my imaginary friends did not protect me when a bully took my lunch tokens or my book bag. My imaginary ‘friends’ were nowhere to be found when some much larger kid threatened me with future bodily harm as he shoved me to the ground and took my skateboard.

«?», Robert Stadler’s question mark installati...Image by Dom Dada via Flickr
Even as a child, I knew these ‘friends’ were created by me. I knew I had dreamed them up. I had given them names, physical characteristics, personalities and strengths which I myself did not possess. Yes, I knew very well that it was I who had created them and not the other way around. However, there were many times when I desperately wanted to believe that it was I who was simply a figment of their imagination. But alas, I knew the truth. And so logically I began to let go of these fictitious beings. Now, I say that I began to let go of them because I liked these characters I had created and it seemed a bit morbid to just kill them off. So, I let them live their lives the only way I possibly could; they lived on through the many stories that I wrote as a child.

Now at this school-age point in my childhood I began to wonder why the adults around me still had conversations with their imaginary friends. These adults seemed to rely upon an invisible force that clearly had no power to help when they desperately needed real life help. I watched them when their ‘bullies’ (house payments, relationship struggles, etc.) knocked them down. And it astounded me to see them close their eyes and strike up a conversation with their imaginary friend. Again and again, throughout the years, I watched them beg and plead for help. But help rarely ever came. The bills still piled up, the fighting never stopped and no one was happy. I questioned this, on more than one occasion, but always received the stern and standard answer, “You do not EVER question god.” Well, I saw this as irrational and I remember thinking, “I was not questioning god, I was questioning you”. Years later I realized that I had indeed been questioning god, as god was a figment of mankind’s imagination and therefore god was man. And I supposed that was why they constantly claimed god was everywhere.

As I watched the Xtian folk around me, I came to understand that these god-friends were not friends that they themselves had independently created, at least not completely. He had sort of been given to them like the hand-me-down dolls I had been given as a little girl. And just as I had done as a child, they had given this god-friend certain personality traits and strengths that they themselves lacked. Attributes seemed to be added where ever and whenever each person saw fit and these additions made the hand-me-down god uniquely personal. So, logically, when I hit my late teens I surmised that a personal relationship with a ‘god' was actually a personal relationship with oneself. Over the years I continued to ask lots of questions regarding this and you can imagine how well my inquiries went over in church, Sunday school and the Xtian schools my parents put me into each year. And this is not to say that I did not want to believe that some great and powerful being was out there somewhere watching over me. I mean, that is a nice thought. But so was the idea of a great and powerful Oz … until he was exposed.

In my ‘good book’ the Xtian Trinity is composed of desperation, self loathing and fear. So anyway, at the very last Xtian school I attended I watched as my best friend was kicked out of both the school and the church. This happened when the religious leaders learned she was pregnant at seventeen. I watched as the Xtian leaders fired her mother from her position as music teacher. And I looked on in horror as they wasted no time ‘asking’ her to leave the church choir and the church. My friend’s mother was a very sweet and timid woman. She was a widow working two jobs. She had come to her fellow Xtians for support, understanding and guidance. Yet, these humble, god fearing, bible-thumping, “do unto others as you would (NOT) have them do unto you” people had turned their backs on one of their own. I was outraged at this shunning and deeply embarrassment to have attended this school. I dropped out and moved away shortly after this shameful display of god-filled inhumanity. Five years later I finished my high school education and went on to college. Another six years past and I had developed my own philosophy in regards to what drives a person to the Xtian religion.

In my ‘good book’ the Xtian Trinity is composed of desperation, self loathing and fear.

DESPERATION draws a person to Xtianity through promises of unending joy, a new life and the chance to reunite with loved ones after death.

SELF LOATHING allows a Xtian to absorb the masochistic teaching, thereby learning to suffer unto his or her self properly. And once the Xtian has conquered this technique they are free to move into the sadistic teachings and try to convince others to willingly suffer as they do.

FEAR demands unquestioned obedience and nails the unthinking Xtain to his wooden cross to bear.

Luckily, my ‘good book’ really is good as this tortured trinity can be easily dissolved with just a smidgen of elbow grease (i.e., research; clicking the mouse, opening a library door, turning a page or two, etc...) And the toxic residue can then be washed from the human mind with the practice of logical thinking.

Can I get an Amen?

For mankind does indeed believe he is clever. So clever that he managed to convince himself he was immortal. Man made one imaginary friend, mixed in a host of insecurities, added a little water for dipping sauce and he had an instant god. Oh, how I wish I could have been there when man cradled his newborn god within his mind. I wish I could have congratulated him on his creativity as he looked down at his only hope for immortality. Oh, if only I could have been there when this ‘blank slate’ brainchild was swaddled and fed. I would love to have looked straight into the mind’s eye of mankind and whispered lovingly into his impressionable, egotistical ear “Name him ‘Fantasy’, not ‘Religion’.”

Imagine life with no childish vindictive deity to spur us on. Image a world where people are happy by simply being free to be themselves. Imagine a world where people harbor no desire to kill their fellow man in the name of an imaginary friend. Just imagine all these people (a John Lennon tuned just popped into your head, didn’t it?) living with no selfish or sinister agenda. Life minus god equals a beautiful dream for all humanity.

If only we had a time machine. Ah, the haunting echoes of two tiny words we have all uttered at some point in our lives, “if only”. As a child I remember looking up at the vast and magical night sky and wishing upon a star. I wished for the cure for cancer to be found. I wished for peace and happiness for all mankind. I wished to go and live with my Daddy. I wished for my own chess set … after all I was just a kid at the time. And many times I wished my imaginary friends could be real. But little did I know that they could have been real, if only I had been able to pretend for the rest of my life.


Popular posts from this blog

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette


By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

Morality is not a Good Argument for Christianity

By austinrohm ~ I wrote this article as I was deconverting in my own head: I never talked with anyone about it, but it was a letter I wrote as if I was writing to all the Christians in my life who constantly brought up how morality was the best argument for Christianity. No Christian has read this so far, but it is written from the point of view of a frustrated closeted atheist whose only outlet was organizing his thoughts on the keyboard. A common phrase used with non-Christians is: “Well without God, there isn’t a foundation of morality. If God is not real, then you could go around killing and raping.” There are a few things which must be addressed. 1. Show me objective morality. Define it and show me an example. Different Christians have different moral standards depending on how they interpret the Bible. Often times, they will just find what they believe, then go back into scripture and find a way to validate it. Conversely, many feel a particular action is not

I can fix ignorance; I can't fix stupid!

By Bob O ~ I 'm an atheist and a 52-year veteran of public education. I need not tell anyone the problems associated with having to "duck" the "Which church do you belong to?" with my students and their parents. Once told by a parent that they would rather have a queer for their sons' teacher than an atheist! Spent HOURS going to the restroom right when prayers were performed: before assemblies, sports banquets, "Christmas Programs", awards assemblies, etc... Told everyone that I had a bladder problem. And "yes" it was a copout to many of you, but the old adage (yes, it's religious) accept what you can't change, change that which you can and accept the strength to know the difference! No need arguing that which you will never change. Enough of that. What I'd like to impart is my simple family chemistry. My wife is a Baptist - raised in a Baptist Orphanage (whole stories there) and is a believer. She did not know my religi