Brainwashed

By C --

I think this is a great website, but it sucks that the level of effect "Christianity" had on me gave me no desire to meet or know anyone new. I can honestly say I am a family hermit! I am always with my family and that's about it. I don't trust anyone because of a wasted 15 years of psycho "falling out in the spirit", dance around the church because you are so taken away with the PRAISE and WORSHIP, somebody "spoke in tongues" and someone "interpreted" type of brainwashing Christianity.

I was 15 when I thought I was reborn, baptized in the holy spirit. I was literally set in a room (at a youth retreat) and everyone starting babbling in "tongues" and encouraged me to try and do the same, including and lead by adults. I cannot even scratch the surface of the level craziness I was immersed in and told was "the only way."

I was moved by my family to Louisiana from Southern California. I had been caught doing 'crazy' teenage things and this solidified my parents decision to accept a job offer my dad got there. Being a parent now of almost teenage kids I realize nothing I did was really that "crazy." My parents were Christian so just idea of saying a curse word was fucked up (haha...had to). Knowing I failed my parents, I was desperate for approval so I jumped on this new train full force. I knew NO ONE in Louisiana (obviously) and here was this smiley, happy "accepting" group of people that promised me I would be "fixed," saved, and would have all of their support. What??!!... being a teenager subjected to an insanely different lifestyle (as SoCal is to Louisiana), I was told I had ready made friends???!! Who would pass that up being the naive 15 year old I was??

The next 10 to 15 years of my life were consumed with trying to make my square peg fit in their multi-dimensional fictitious "hole" that was said to be the answer. Maybe one day I will get into the stories over those years but I am just not equipped enough to do it literary justice. Now after 2-3 years of being "free" from that CRAZINESS I feel like a babe in the world of normal adult people. It is literally like opening my eyes for the first time. Hence the hanging with my family and no one else bit. I know it's crazy but my self-esteem is like lower than a fly's.

I am just trying to figure out who I am without all that garbage let alone trying to get to know a friend and share "myself" with them in return. HA!

Enough for now... thanks.

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