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Lame Magic

By WizenedSage --

I am fascinated by the great big deal many people make of the stunt this character Jesus Christ supposedly pulled off. As the story goes, these Romans killed him and his friends put his body in a cave. A couple days later, some people go back to the cave and find the body missing. Then a few people wrote that this guy Jesus showed up again and walked around talking to other people for days and days before he disappeared again.

Magic Bus!!!Image by quantum bunny via Flickr

Cool, but I know of much, much more impressive tricks. Just for starters, hundreds of people saw Elvis buried and hundreds more have seen him alive and walking around since then. And, I’m told some of them have even talked with Elvis, long after his “death.” Now that’s impressive. It is true, there is no film or video of these encounters; but then, there’s no film of Jesus either. But there is film of Elvis before he died, so at least we know for sure that he existed. But, really, how are the Elvis sightings any different from the Jesus sightings – except that the Jesus sightings are described in a very, very old book? And I would not be the least surprised if someone, somewhere, sees Michael Jackson TODAY!

But I’ve seen better tricks with my own eyes than that resurrection stunt. I saw this guy Franz Harary make the space shuttle Explorer disappear right in front of a stage audience. I mean the space shuttle is really big, right? So it’s not like he palmed it or shoved it up his sleeve. Yes, it was on film, but this was no camera trick; the people on stage, in person, saw the same thing. And this was not in an auditorium, it was outside. As one young woman eye-witness said, “It was there and then it… it was totally not there!” She was a bit excited, as you can imagine. And then… are you ready for this? And then, Mr. Harary made that space shuttle appear again! Just like Jesus!

Not to be outdone, a Mr. David Copperfield (I think that’s a fake name, but I’m not sure) made the Statue of Liberty disappear and then reappear. I saw this with my own eyes, too. It was on TV. This was at night and there was a circle of searchlights pointing up at the statue. Then Mr. Copperfield raised this big black curtain, and when he lowered it the statue was gone! All you could see was the circle of spotlights, pointing at a vacant, black sky. This was done before an on-site audience, too, so it couldn’t have been a camera trick. Think about it! The Statue of Liberty is way bigger than a space shuttle, and secured to the ground, and it was all lit up!

I mean those water into wine and faith healing and disappearing tricks Jesus did sure sound like amateur stuff next to disappearing space shuttles and giant statues, don’t you think?

I mean those water into wine and faith healing and disappearing tricks Jesus did sure sound like amateur stuff next to disappearing space shuttles and giant statues, don’t you think? Oh sure, these space shuttle and statue stunts might have required some modern technology that wasn’t available in Jesus’ day, but I’ve seen lots of weird and amazing things that didn’t require any super technology. Like rabbits appearing out of empty hats, doves disappearing in a bunch of tied up scarves, and pretty women in boxes being sawed in two then just jumping out again whole and alive! These things all really, really looked real, I’ll tell you that. You may have seen some of them yourself.

Another one I don’t think Jesus could have topped was by this guy, David Blaine (I think that’s his real name). I saw this on TV, too. Anyway, Mr. Blaine stopped several young adults on a city sidewalk and asked them to watch something. He had them stand there while he walked maybe 15 feet away and turned his back to them. He told them to watch his feet as he was going to levitate. A few seconds later… you could actually see his shoes rising an inch or two above the ground… with him in them!. Those people watching really freaked out, as you can imagine. One of them just turned and ran. I think he was genuinely spooked.

Now I’ve seen all of these things with my own eyes, and more, so why should I be impressed by this WRITTEN description of a guy who disappears and then reappears a couple days later? Are you kidding me? That guy Paul claimed that 500 people saw this “resurrected” Jesus, but not one of those people left a written record testifying to this event. That’s odd, don’t you think? I mean, if only a couple dozen or so had left signed statements (like in the Mormon Bible), then we would have to really wonder, wouldn’t we?

I’ve read where others claim that all (or most) of Jesus’ disciples died horrible deaths because of their belief in him. So he must have been a genuine, resurrected god if these people were willing to die for him, right? I’m not sure that can be proven, but I have seen film of over 900 dead bodies of believers who drank the Kool Aid for Jim Jones in Guyana. They really believed in this guy, don’t you think? However, I’m pretty sure that Jim Jones was not a god, or even a legitimate prophet. But of course I can’t really prove that.

All in all, I’ve seen some really amazing stunts, and with my own eyes, many of which make Jesus’ tricks look pretty lame. Of course the Bible says in no uncertain terms that everything in the Bible is true, so it’s pretty hard to argue against evidence like that. Still, I have to admit that I have my doubts about this resurrection story. Actually, given the mind-blowing feats I have seen with my own eyes that I know for sure were just tricks, I’m not convinced that anything could make me believe that Jesus was really dead and then just came back alive a couple days later; even if I saw it with my own eyes (isn’t this just a variation on the lady-sawed-dead-in-two trick, anyway?). At the end of the day, I’m pretty darn sure that dead people, really dead people, stay dead. That’s what it means to be dead, right? But if you’ve got a really good explanation, and I mean a halfway believable explanation, I’m willing to listen.