Skip to main content

In and Out of Religion.

By Ramos27 ~

I have not posted on this site since 2009, when my de-conversion happened. Many things have changed since then, and i have experienced so much of the world and life. New jobs, relationships, experimenting with finding another spiritual belief (yoga, meditation, etc.), finding peace and happiness, getting engaged and also, having the relationship fall apart.

Here is where the story picks up...The day of the break up I felt empty...spiritually empty and these were the words I told myself in my head, "I am spiritually disconnected". This is when all "heaven" broke loose. I started seeing signs and having weird experiences having to do with church and Christianity. Random phone calls from people in my ex-church, my non-religious mother suggesting I go to church again, and many more. There were too many signs to list here. All freaked out that Christianity was coming back I quit my job and went to California where my sister lives, for 5 weeks.

There I made an effort to finally decide what I believe, once and for all, and came out with the fact that I made a mistake living Christianity and even thought i was kicking and screaming inside, i couldn't deny the experiences i had that convinced me that somehow Jesus and God were real.

Fast forward two years later, and I am on this web-site, almost every day, trying to convince myself that what I have experienced isn't real and just in my head, but i can't.

What stops me are some experiences i can't explain, and even my rational and logical mind can't do away with.

I'll try to list few, and see if you guys can shed some light on then.

1) When those "Christian experiences" started happening, randomly my then boss, told me a story of a customer he had. It was a Catholic priest who came all depressed to his office, and told him about a exorcism experience he had. It was a family member of a person who committed a suicide and that person was being possessed and screaming that "i am in hell and your brother is there too". It was so real that it freaked him out and he couldn't shake of the fear and depression ever since.

2) While in California, many things have happened, but the most profound was when I decided to visit one church there. After the service i was walking on the street waiting for my sister, when a guy approached me and asked if I was just at the service. I said i was, and he told me how he was walking home and something told him to go the other way. He met me, and turns out he also just had his engagement end, he had to quite his job, and move back to his parents house, which were the three things that happened to me! I could not believe what I was hearing. He ended up praying for me and sharing some wisdom with me.

3) Last month I decided to go see a girl that I know, in her apartment, and to be quite frank, was supposed to "sin" with her that night. However, while walking into her apartment building an old black lady was walking by and said "don't do it, and make Jesus the Lord of your life".

Honestly, I don't know what else to do to stop believing. I want to not believe. I want to be non-religious again, but i don't know how to explain so many things that are pointing me somewhere else.

If anyone can help, please do. It will be appreciated.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

ACTS OF GOD

By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

Morality is not a Good Argument for Christianity

By austinrohm ~ I wrote this article as I was deconverting in my own head: I never talked with anyone about it, but it was a letter I wrote as if I was writing to all the Christians in my life who constantly brought up how morality was the best argument for Christianity. No Christian has read this so far, but it is written from the point of view of a frustrated closeted atheist whose only outlet was organizing his thoughts on the keyboard. A common phrase used with non-Christians is: “Well without God, there isn’t a foundation of morality. If God is not real, then you could go around killing and raping.” There are a few things which must be addressed. 1. Show me objective morality. Define it and show me an example. Different Christians have different moral standards depending on how they interpret the Bible. Often times, they will just find what they believe, then go back into scripture and find a way to validate it. Conversely, many feel a particular action is not

I can fix ignorance; I can't fix stupid!

By Bob O ~ I 'm an atheist and a 52-year veteran of public education. I need not tell anyone the problems associated with having to "duck" the "Which church do you belong to?" with my students and their parents. Once told by a parent that they would rather have a queer for their sons' teacher than an atheist! Spent HOURS going to the restroom right when prayers were performed: before assemblies, sports banquets, "Christmas Programs", awards assemblies, etc... Told everyone that I had a bladder problem. And "yes" it was a copout to many of you, but the old adage (yes, it's religious) accept what you can't change, change that which you can and accept the strength to know the difference! No need arguing that which you will never change. Enough of that. What I'd like to impart is my simple family chemistry. My wife is a Baptist - raised in a Baptist Orphanage (whole stories there) and is a believer. She did not know my religi