Deconverting? Keep it a secret? Or not at all?

By Jimmy Frank ~

I guess the first thing that started to make me question some things was after my mom went on a nervous breakdown that she never recovered from, which was after my youngest brother was born. Mom had me believe that my Dad's side of the family was evil and that she would tell me all these things. Here are some examples:

she's an heiress of a sheik's oil fortune,
she was a spy that was tortured,
she was being hired by the CIA.

One time, we got a phone call and she yelled at it. She told my grandma that someone wanted to put me and my brothers in chains. (Not to mention the fact that she once accused me of being a homosexual.) They got into a fight. Mom took us three kids to the mall to see Santa (I already know Santa doesn't exist for some time. I'm 19, for crying out loud!) She got arrested right in front of us.

Mom went to some counseling and got some treatment for her illness, but she never did get better. Oh, no. She did NOT. Weeks to months later, Child Protective Services came to my Grandma's apartment and took us kids. I called my Mom to let her know. All she ever said that time was this: "I've got to go."

Us kids were split up. Luke and Pete went to one place, I went to another. We were alright. Nothing bad happened to us in foster care, thank goodness. But, after awhile, I don't know when, but I started to realize that my mother had lied to me all that time. I distrusted her and everything she said. I hated to even look at her.

I have no intention of losing Pascal's wagerAround this time, I had scrupulosity (Religious OCD). I was stuck with it for about five years until I finally got meds for it. I began to have doubts about my faith. My Dad would reassure me. And what my pastor at my Catholic Church was taken at face value. ( I take just about everything at face value. I admit I am one gullible dude). A church group came by the college with coffee and donuts and they were giving out this book: Tim Keller's, "A Reason For God." The guy proved some very good points. It was very compelling. Then, I started to wonder what the other side thought, as I never did think about what atheists thought. I saw some videos from atheist channels such as Jaclynn Glenn, 43alley, Darkmatter2525, and another or two. I started to wonder: maybe the bible wasn't the inerrant word of God as we thought it was. Cult of Dusty's video showed that some biblical prophecies didn't come true, such as Babylon (Modern day Iraq) desolation. The destruction of Tyre. Tyre's still there, just google it. Same thing with Iraq! Everyone knows it's still there! So what else wasn't true? I bought Richard Dawkins God Delusion, and I'm still reading it. I can't really comprehend a bit of what he says, some of the time. It's not that compelling, I'll admit.

For awhile, I've been afraid of the concept of Hell, until I started seeing 43alley. He's right! There's no mention of Hell in the OT. Then it comes out in the New Testament. Satan developed over time... wonder why? I'm thinking about reading some books about him. There's still the factors of some miracles and demon possessions. Right now, my family doesn't know that I'm starting to go a bit more atheist. However, I have thought about becoming a deist: combining reason with a bit of faith. I have no intention of losing Pascal's wager, thank you very much.

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