Skip to main content

Fearing God is a waste of time

By Roadblock ~

My mother and grandmother were very religious. We went to Catholic church every Sunday, then over to grandma's for pancakes. It was a lot of fun.

One problem I had was an over-active imagination. I constantly thought I was upsetting God and setting myself up for punishment. It was crazy how passionately I prayed every time I thought of a bad thing, or looked at a girl the wrong way. My life was a mess.

When I was 15, I woke up on the floor of the bathroom with my dad looking over me and telling me paramedics were on the way. I had had my first epileptic seizure, and the worst was yet to come.

As the years went on, my seizures were few and far between, but they were definitely there. My stressful "worship" of God continued, and really did me no good. Finally, when I was 30, something in me changed. My seizures started coming more frequently, and it became obvious that stress was a trigger for them. I still stayed faithful to God, even though the seizures were just getting worse.

Then 7 years ago I had a Grand Mal seizure that sent me to the hospital. I lost my driver's license and my ability to hold a job. My life was ruined. I became incredibly depressed and nearly suicidal, but I still prayed for help, even though I started having more frequent panic attacks every time I even thought of a sin.

After seeing a therapist for a few months, he suggested I try meditation to help control my stress. I began meditating, and as I did, I began to think. I analyzed my belief in God, and acknowledged that fearing God was a major source of stress, which contributed to my seizures. Maybe belief in God was doing me more harm than good?

Despite the fears I had, I decided to change my religion. I studied Buddhism and loved how liberal it was with its beliefs. I could believe whatever I wanted, it was my choice. Fantastic! However, I still had panic attacks and was still fearing punishment from God.

After a year of Buddhism I realized that although it is a much better philosophy than Christianity, it still believed in hocus-pocus, and I didn't want to think that way anymore. So I became Atheist. I began reading books and joining forums to help me break my fear of God. Thankfully, my therapist was an atheist, too, so he gave me some encouragement.

So what's the point of all this? Well, my stress greatly dropped, and the seizures, although still frequent, are nowhere near as powerful as they used to be. My self-confidence rose, and relations with other people grew stronger and stronger--except for one person.

My atheism bothered my wife. Although she is not very religious, her faith is very strong. The changes in my life lead her to make changes in her life. Although she claims that atheism isn't the sole factor for her wanting to end our marriage, I believe it is what set the ball rolling. We just have a lot of irreconcilable differences now, even though we agree that we are both much stronger people than we were a couple years ago.

I will never believe in a God or Jesus Christ again. I've learned way too much to ever have faith again. And my life is better now in every way, except for losing my wife. I know that the years ahead will be better than the last 20, because I have found myself and know who I want to be. Atheism saved me. I feel sorry for all the Christians that won't open their minds to the truth of atheism. Fearing God ruined 20 years of my life. Now the rest of my life is my own to decide, and I am actually looking forward to it.


Popular posts from this blog


By David Andrew Dugle ~ O ctober. Halloween. It's time to visit the haunted house I used to live in. When I was five my dad was able to build a big modern house. Moving in before it was complete, my younger brother and I were sleeping in a large unfinished area directly under the living room. It should have been too new to be a haunted house, but now and then I would wake up in the tiny, dark hours and see the blurry image of a face, or at least what I took to be a face, glowing, faintly yellow, high up on the wall near the ceiling. I'm not kidding! Most nights it didn’t appear at all. But when it did show itself, at first I thought it was a ghost and it scared me like nothing else I’d ever seen. But the face never did anything; unmoving, it just stayed in that one spot. Turning on the lights would make it disappear, making my fears difficult to explain, so I never told anyone. My Sunday School teachers had always told me to be good because God was just behind m

Reasons for my disbelief

By Rebekah ~ T here are many layers to the reasons for my disbelief, most of which I haven't even touched on here... When I think of Evangelical Christianity, two concepts come to mind: intense psychological traps, and the danger of glossing over and missing a true appreciation for the one life we know that we have. I am actually agnostic when it comes to a being who set creation in motion and remains separated from us in a different realm. If there is a deistic God, then he/she doesn't particularly care if I believe in them, so I won't force belief and instead I will focus on this one life that I know I have, with the people I can see and feel. But I do have a lot of experience with the ideas of God put forth by Evangelical Christianity, and am confident it isn't true. If it's the case god has indeed created both a physical and a heavenly spiritual realm, then why did God even need to create a physical realm? If the point of its existence is to evolve to pas

The Blame Game or Shit Happens

By Webmdave ~ A relative suffering from Type 1 diabetes was recently hospitalized for an emergency amputation. The physicians hoped to halt the spread of septic gangrene seeping from an incurable foot wound. Naturally, family and friends were very concerned. His wife was especially concerned. She bemoaned, “I just don’t want this (the advanced sepsis and the resultant amputation) to be my fault.” It may be that this couple didn’t fully comprehend the seriousness of the situation. It may be that their choice of treatment was less than ideal. Perhaps their home diabetes maintenance was inconsistent. Some Christians I know might say the culprit was a lack of spiritual faith. Others would credit it all to God’s mysterious will. Surely there is someone or something to blame. Someone to whom to ascribe credit. Isn’t there? A few days after the operation, I was talking to a man who had family members who had suffered similar diabetic experiences. Some of those also suffered ea

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

Why I left the Canadian Reformed Church

By Chuck Eelhart ~ I was born into a believing family. The denomination is called Canadian Reformed Church . It is a Dutch Calvinistic Christian Church. My parents were Dutch immigrants to Canada in 1951. They had come from two slightly differing factions of the same Reformed faith in the Netherlands . Arriving unmarried in Canada they joined the slightly more conservative of the factions. It was a small group at first. Being far from Holland and strangers in a new country these young families found a strong bonding point in their church. Deutsch: Heidelberger Katechismus, Druck 1563 (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) I was born in 1955 the third of eventually 9 children. We lived in a small southern Ontario farming community of Fergus. Being young conservative and industrious the community of immigrants prospered. While they did mix and work in the community almost all of the social bonding was within the church group. Being of the first generation born here we had a foot in two