Skip to main content

Some things not to say

By Gina Marie ~

I have been struggling with my faith for the past year and a half. I really have no idea where I will end up at the end of this journey, but I have encountered some very frustrating remarks from those attempting to "help" or convert me back to blind belief. These are things I never, ever want to hear again as "reasons" to not doubt anymore.

1. Your doubt is because of Satan! Trust God!

Thank you for implying that my rational assessment of issues that are troubling me is the fault of an evil being, and because of such, you nor I are required to deal with these ideas and I must blindly put faith back in the system that is troubling me in the first place. If spiritual warfare is causing me to have these thoughts, simply crying, "Warfare!" and ignoring my questions and doubts isn't going to make my brain, and its nagging through processes, go away.

2. God is mysterious.

This tends to be a catch-all answer for questions that deal with complicated issues (predestination, problem of evil, eternal damnation, ethics). I appreciate the fact that there are many issues, in many systems of thought, that will ultimately lead us to the conclusion of paradox. However, to assert this before the issue is as fully probed as human intellect can go is an affront to my own struggle with the issue at hand. You may have thought about it and reached a comfortable relationship with the idea of paradox in relation to it, but I have not.

3. Good Christians don't doubt.

So, if I'm not a good Christian, your only attempt to assist me is going to be to lunge an accusation at me for not being good enough? And you're wondering why I'm doubting your system of religion in the first place?

4. That's not worth losing your faith over.

People doubt for a variety of reasons and a variety of issues are meaningful to them. You do not get to decree what is worth it for that person, because while it doesn't bother you, everything rises and falls on that issue for them. People are individual and thus different things perplex, interest, and engage them. (A great response to this would be, when they share why they do believe, "That's not worth having faith over").

5. You're going to go to Hell if you lose your faith.

Thank you for resorting to fear to get someone to stop wrestling with the important questions that are nagging them. Also, eternal damnation is an empty threat if someone doesn't believe in it.

6. [Said to people who have lost their faith] You were never a real Christian in the first place.

I'm so glad God has given you the important, weighty task of decreeing who is and isn't a real Christian. The weight of that responsibility must be heavy to bear on such small, fallible shoulders.

7. Your doubts aren't about real Christianity. If you knew real Christianity, you'd be fine.

Ah, the ever elusive "real" Christianity. Apparently it's not simple enough for children to understand; only a select, obscure, enlightened few have attained to the heights of real Christianity. And you're absolutely right; my 5 years of bible college, semester of seminary, and 15 years of participation in various churches has not given me enough information concerning the various theologies and denominations that make up the Christian faith. I'm not saying I know everything, but I think I have a fairly accurate assessment of what my options are.

8. It's not real Christianity if you disagree with me on X.

I'm so glad God has give you the important, weighty task of decreeing that anyone who disagrees with you on a point of dogma, ethics, hermeneutics or theology is no longer a Christ-follower. The weight of that responsibility must be heavy to bear on such small, fallible shoulders.

This is often said to people who may have moved into egalitarianism, rejected creationism, believe the bible is fallible, vote for democrats, believe in protecting the environment, are universalists, reject the idea of eternal damnation, believe other systems of thought can lead to God, think homosexuality is fine, etc. I suppose the alternative is that you want people to dispose of their faith in Christ altogether...the danger of asserting that only certain ideas make up real Christianity is that the person may accept your terms and walk away from the entire system.

9. Haven't you gotten over this yet?

Oh, I'm sorry. Is it bothering you that much that I'm patiently weighing my options and thinking deeply over complicated issues?

10. Your questions are actually rooted in deep-seated emotional issues.

Yes, they probably are. But that doesn't make the questions any less legitimate and any less deserving of meticulous attention. And, unless I've come to you with the deep-seated emotional issues, you are not at liberty to psychoanalyze and diagnose me. Just answer my question.

11. [from Atheists] Of course you shouldn't have faith! Duh!

Thank you for your detailed assessment of metaphysical realities and individual religious experiences. Your "of course" statement has opened my eyes to the illogical nature of my fractured, but still existent, faith.

12. Your lack of/struggle with/loss of faith is hurting me.

I know this one well because I've lobbed it personally (and I'm dropping the sardonic tone to respond to this one). I understand: you want us to share eternal bliss; you're concerned about the state of my soul; you don't want to lose a connection we share to each other and to the Divine; you're afraid I'll lose my moral compass; you and I have invested much together into the faith; you might be losing a spiritual confidant and ministry partner; it may be your best friend, spouse, or relative that you see rejecting what is so essential to your own life. I regret that a by-product of my serious inquiry into these issues is harming you, but I can't apologize because I'm not sorry for going on this journey. I appreciate that your hurt comes from your deep love and care for me. But please don't expect the fact that you're hurt to be a good enough reason for me to drop this investigation and to blindly agree with you.

I'm sure there are more, but these are just a few I've encountered. This post is incredibly sarcastic, except for point 12, because I think sarcasm, when used rightly, can expose misguided, manipulative, or fear-based thinking; if not to the individual thinking it, at least to the person who is being inundated with it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

ACTS OF GOD

By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

On Living Virtuously

By Webmdave ~  A s a Christian, living virtuously meant living in a manner that pleased God. Pleasing god (or living virtuously) was explained as: Praying for forgiveness for sins  Accepting Christ as Savior  Frequently reading the Bible  Memorizing Bible verses Being baptized (subject to church rules)  Attending church services  Partaking of the Lord’s Supper  Tithing  Resisting temptations to lie, steal, smoke, drink, party, have lustful thoughts, have sex (outside of marriage) masturbate, etc.  Boldly sharing the Gospel of Salvation with unbelievers The list of virtuous values and expectations grew over time. Once the initial foundational values were safely under the belt, “more virtues'' were introduced. Newer introductions included (among others) harsh condemnation of “worldly” music, homosexuality and abortion Eventually the list of values grew ponderous, and these ideals were not just personal for us Christians. These virtues were used to condemn and disrespect fro

I can fix ignorance; I can't fix stupid!

By Bob O ~ I 'm an atheist and a 52-year veteran of public education. I need not tell anyone the problems associated with having to "duck" the "Which church do you belong to?" with my students and their parents. Once told by a parent that they would rather have a queer for their sons' teacher than an atheist! Spent HOURS going to the restroom right when prayers were performed: before assemblies, sports banquets, "Christmas Programs", awards assemblies, etc... Told everyone that I had a bladder problem. And "yes" it was a copout to many of you, but the old adage (yes, it's religious) accept what you can't change, change that which you can and accept the strength to know the difference! No need arguing that which you will never change. Enough of that. What I'd like to impart is my simple family chemistry. My wife is a Baptist - raised in a Baptist Orphanage (whole stories there) and is a believer. She did not know my religi