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Free of brainwashing

By Simone ~

Editor's note: This submission comes from Switzerland.

I am very happy to join ex-christians. We probably left Christianity for different reasons... I will try to summarize my testimony.

Well I started to join "born again Christians" when I was 18 and in the beginning it was so nice. I had some spiritual needs, people looked so nice. It was like a new family. Then all my friends were there, I had few unbelievers friends ..I followed different churches in 20 years like pentecostal, evangelical...And I did not realize that I received more and more a bible brainwashing. All seemed so true. People said it was the truth, Jesus would provide all my needs. You know what ? Nothing happened with that !!.

Then I started to feel anger in me and now I know it was my small voice that said that something was going wrong..but as soon as you start doubting your "new family" says that you must trust Jesus, he takes care of you, you mustn’t listen to the devil which try to keep you away from faith...and as soon as you have more and more struggles, you pray and you wait one year, five years and more....and finally my health got worst, I started to have more phobias and fears that developed...Oh my friend you just have to pray, this is the devil...well in 2006 I started to open my eyes after having been with a group in a house, because my emotional health got worst. I really and truly think that if you do not revolt you cannot go out of a brainwashing.

Christians put pressure they will say that if you are angry it is a sin, you must confess and forsake it. In fact anger is absolutely a normal when you have been abused !....

All is done to keep you with the group and in fear. They will use difference sort of manipulation and fear is the best weapon. In another side, you are like in a cocoon...because you also live intense relationships, you pray with others, you have “new friends” and your "new spiritual family". They give you a so dark image of the world, people are lost, you not....and you feel more and more like in another world. You feel disconnected with your family which is not “saved”. They put pressure about the end of the world, the rapture of Jesus and you truly believe that. All seems sooo true : look the world the devil is everywhere… It took 5 years to really understand I was in a circle after it triggered in my mind for the first time : revolt-spiritual needs and I followed traditional churches and the biblical doctrine came back in my brain-struggle-no answer to my prayer-revolt..

Now I know I must be very careful but one thing is absolutely true : I could never agree the bible and the beliefs. It is absolutely true that bible is not true. Some Christians proclaim miracles, but I was a witness that it is not always the case : I went to the funeral of a baby who died despite all the prayers, and when you see a small coffin this is something you can never forget . I also met a woman in a past church who died also although all the church prayed for her. In fact, doctors explain very well that some people can suddenly heal of a disease without prayer. Miracle can happen but not only in Christianity. If you tell them that they will say that the miracles are demoniac or satanic, if for example it happens in another religion or belief. I have been so disappointed, I lost 20 years of my youth years but now a new life is starting for me. I knew this state of euphoria. Today for me, Jesus like a guru that blew “ cold and warm “(threats and love)....I wasted time for a man that has never been a good man, or so caring for me. But after a while I realized the life is drawing me to another belief that is mine.

It takes a lot of time to let all brainwashing go out. Now I feel free. I encountered loneliness but I am so happy to know different people , I can laugh for everything and anything. This is not the case when you don't think yourself anymore. All this world of Christianity and most fundamentalist, etc... is a mirage. People believe to illusions. Most of them have been trapped when they were vulnerable. I know people that have been brainwashed very quickly: one or two weeks. When you listen to them they have like another personality that is not their personality. They speak with a monotone voice, like if they learned a text by heart...All spontaneity has just gone excepted for their "new belief"...I never had a guru in a church but Jesus was shown like a guru. During all these years I just encountered incoherence with the Jesus in the Bible. Nothing happened. But this is your own interpretation that makes think this book is truth.

Do not think because the bible speaks about love, forgiveness that is a good book. It is a trap. If this book talked only about threats and sins I think nobody would like to read it. But it is a trap because there is a mix of nice and bad things and there is nothing better to bring confusion. This book in fact teaches guilt and when it is time to let all brainwashing going out, you understand it very well : Fear of hell or to loose my salvation left me after many months and a lot of struggle. It was so difficult to go out of my brain. Sometimes it happens that the doctrine tries to keep me back because it takes time.

Today I am just happy and feel lucky because I know that very few go out and have courage to go through the bad time of going out : after a while and euphoria when you find your own thoughts again, many go through a depression like me. But it is worth wile. It costly but after a storm the blue sky is there again. The most dangerous is when you loose all your criticism state and every time you try to confront Christians they try to keep your mouth closed with fear. But life is there, I am healthy and now I can move on.