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Almost an ex-Christian

By Charles ~

Well, I thought that this day will never come. I know your website from a while, but I was thinking that you were just a bunch of crazy people, really angry with God, religion and christians. Sorry about that...

My story...well, everything started 16 years ago, when I started attending an evangelical church. My first few weeks in the church were OK, then someone asked me if I have received Jesus as saviour. I thought: "No, that I'm aware", but to them I says I guess I've started my Christian journey with a lie.

I went to different churches, denominations, I went to theological college, etc.. my life was full of ups and downs, moments of doubts, etc... I thought that that was pretty normal for a young Christian who need to growth. I went to the brethren church, Pentecostal, Baptist, Presbyterian, etc..Every time the story was the same…if I was attending a church very faithfully I was a very mature and spiritual Christian, but when I was going to difficult times or when I was asking tricky questions, I was a immature and selfish person. mmmm

During these years I was trying to get my life sorted...I'm a chef but I always refused to work on a Sunday because they told that it's the Lord's day and a Christian shouldn't work on a Sunday. I missed lots of opportunities because of that. What a pity!

I always had lots and lots of sexual urges (as normal for a healthy man) but they the church always says that any sexual activities outside a marriage was a sin. That includes masturbation of pastor once said that masturbation it's a form of homosexuality...rubbish!

I never had any sex until I was first time was a disaster, because I was full of sense of guilty. Before we started I even ask god to forgive me. But then 2 weeks ago I had a beautiful sex experience with a friend of mine. And guess what, I didn’t have any sense of guilt! I was happy!

At the moment I’m struggling with a lot of doubts about almost everything:
  • 30.000 denominations
  • Doctrine of Hell and eternal punishment
  • Hate between certain denomination
  • Pessimistic view of the future: believing that God is going to destroy the earth it’s not very challenging for us compare to the possibility that God is going to restore the earth.
  • Pessimistic approach of the faith
I’m here to learn from you. I respect you and I hope that you’ll respect the little bit of faith that I still have.