Regrets? I've had a few...


By ExPenty ~

Now that I'm out of the closet as an atheist and used to thinking with an atheistic mindset, I've found myself more and more looking at the past with a mixture of nostalgia, incredulity and regret. I gave more than 20 years of my life for a cause in which I no longer believe, and I have many regrets.

True, in the course of my Christian efforts I did meet my wife, but that's the one good thing I can really say about it.

Looking back, I regret all the time I wasted trying to convert others to Christianity. I regret all the hours wasted in prayer to a non-existent deity, naively believing that I had an intimate relationship with him even though he never so much as spoke to me. I regret all the effort I put into church activities.

I regret giving up playing rugby because training clashed with prayer meetings and bible studies.

Most of all, though, I regret the big things I did as a result of believing God was calling me to serve him in a deeper way.

I spent 2 years with Youth For Christ on their discipleship and youth work training programme, Operation Gideon. Basically I was placed in a team of 3, based in London. I was embedded in a local church, lived with the pastor's family and generally spent 2 years meeting young people in schools, on the streets, at events and in church an trying to convert them. I also had to undertake a personal study programme, which basically amounted to further indoctrination and moulding me into a good evangelical.

After that, again following what I thought was the call of God, I spent three years studying Theology at London Bible College (now known as London School of Theology, a respected evangelical seminary). I did placements with a local Baptist church and Jews for Jesus, and I served on the Student Committee.

So that's five years out of my life dedicated to training and learning. What do I have to show for it now? Not a lot, besides regrets.

I was originally going to study Geology at University, before my religious beliefs caused me to change direction drastically. I was good at geology in school. I aced my exams without needing to study; that's how good I was at geology. Instead of studying geology, however, I wasted my time (and my state funding, as back then students got a grant as well as loans) on studying what I now believe to be a non-subject. Theology, the study of God, has as much real-life application as the study of mermaids.

I went on to become a primary school teacher because I believed that was what God wanted me to do. Several people since have told me that I'm wasted in that job, but it's what I know. Sometimes I like the job, sometimes I don't, but it's all I'm qualified to do and I can't afford the pay cut that changing jobs would lead to. There aren't many jobs that an atheist could do in good conscience for which a degree in theology is a useful asset, after all.

Now I'm a married man and a sole breadwinner with debts that I can just about manage, it's too late for me to go back to university to study something useful. I'm nearly 40 and have health problems, so it's too late for me to take up rugby again. I will never get back all the time and money I wasted on Church activities and on things that I thought honoured God.

God has stolen a lot from me, and I can never get it back from him because he does not exist.

Thank goodness for my wife, whom I first met when I was with Youth For Christ. She's the only thing that I can honestly say was good that came out of all that.


Agnosticator,5,Al Wm Johnson,3,Alegria,3,Alen Basic,1,American Apostate,3,Andrew Jasko,3,Anne R Keye,6,AnonAgno94,4,Apetivist,2,Apostate Paul,3,Articles,707,Aspieguy,12,Astreja,9,atheistnurse,10,AtheistToothFairy,1,austinrohm,3,Avangelism Project,2,Barrett Evans,2,Ben Love,69,billybee,2,BlackFreethought,12,Bob Keye,3,Bob R,4,boomSlang,1,Bore Venal Charlatan,2,Brad N,1,Brian Kellogg,8,Brisancian,3,Bruce Gerencser,1,Bruno Corey,1,C. T. Ogden,4,Carl S,377,Carol Putnam,2,Carolyn Hyppolite,10,Cecelia,4,Cheryl Ensom Dack,6,Chris Highland,2,Chris W.,1,Christian Agnostic,2,Christmas,31,ChuckyJesus,1,ConversationsWithA,1,Daniel out of the Lion's Den,15,Daniel Payne,1,Dano,17,darklady,7,Dave8,1,DealDoctor,24,Dethblight,6,dharma,4,Discordia,5,Doubting Thomas,2,Dr. Marlene Winell,24,Dr. Valerie Tarico,150,DRC,2,dswrites,2,Easter,28,EChamberlainMD,6,Ed (Teapot),2,Edward T. Babinski,1,Eric Jeffries,2,eveningmeadows,11,Evid3nc3,3,ex-Pastor Dan,19,exfundy,2,exPenty,8,Faithfool,2,Fernando Alcántar,6,freddieb42,2,freeatlast,6,G.M. Gates,2,Gary T. McDonald,2,God-O-Rama,6,Godlessgrrl,5,Greenworld,4,hellboundsoul,3,Herb,3,Houndies,3,illu minati,2,Incongruous Circumspection,11,J.W.,2,JadedAtheist,2,Jake Rhodes,3,James A. Haught,3,James C,2,James Wilhelm,9,Jazzybelle,3,Jennifer,3,Jody,3,John Draper,26,John Loftus,2,John Shores,26,Kalos,3,Karen Garst,31,Kim Anne Whittemore,1,Klym,24,Larry C,5,Larry Spencer,3,Letters,149,Libby Anne,3,Log1cd1ctat3s,2,Luke,1,lungfish,1,Michael Runyan,36,Michael Sherlock,5,Mriana,17,MtlRedAtheist,1,Neal Stone,20,News,185,Nikki,1,NYdiva,2,ooglyman,2,Opinion,980,Patrice,2,Paul Hannah,1,Paul So,26,Philippe Orlando,3,Philonous,1,Politics,59,Positivist,5,psychman33,5,Rational Logic,3,Rational Okie,2,Renoliz,10,Rev Ex-Evangelist,7,RickO,3,Robert Conner,8,Ronna Russell,12,Rudy,4,Russ Hamel,2,Science,30,SeageVT,3,Shaolin,4,Simplex Munditiis,3,Son of a preacher,5,Steve Dustcircle,4,Stillunsure,4,Summerbreeze,25,Susan G. Bonella,3,Tania,22,tekHedd,2,Testimonials,1003,Thanksgiving,4,The STeWpId MoNkEy,4,TheThinkingAtheist,5,Thin-ice,4,ThinkTank,5,Tim Sledge,4,Tim Wolf,1,TinMan,1,True Anathema,4,TruthSurge,1,Ubi Dubium,4,undercover agnostic,25,unoder,7,Vadarama,2,Victor J Webster,2,Videos,102,Vyckie,10,Webmdave,9,WidePathGirl,2,WizenedSage,137,xrayman,2,xxkindofboredxx,2,Yak,9,
ExChristian.Net: Regrets? I've had a few...
Regrets? I've had a few...
Loaded All Posts Not found any posts VIEW ALL Read more Reply Cancel reply Delete By Home PAGES POSTS View All RECOMMENDED FOR YOU LABEL ARCHIVE SEARCH ALL POSTS Not found any post match with your request Back Home Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat January February March April May June July August September October November December Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec just now 1 minute ago $$1$$ minutes ago 1 hour ago $$1$$ hours ago Yesterday $$1$$ days ago $$1$$ weeks ago more than 5 weeks ago Followers Follow THIS PREMIUM CONTENT IS LOCKED STEP 1: Share to a social network STEP 2: Click the link on your social network Copy All Code Select All Code All codes were copied to your clipboard Can not copy the codes / texts, please press [CTRL]+[C] (or CMD+C with Mac) to copy