Skip to main content

Why Am I The One That's Tainted?

By MotherJustice ~

I've been visiting this site for awhile. I was refereed to it by a friend after seeing the "Good Without God" book on the news. I had always felt like the odd ball in my community because even though they all had different beliefs, just about everyone that I knew was religious. And don't even imply that you doubt that god exists or you were an automatic devil worshiper. I constantly tried to avoid religious conversations with people that were not close trusted friends. Being that I started feeling this way before I was even in high school made it harder. I remember that my conformation that there wasn't really a god didn't come from study of text, but the study of the so-called believers behavior.

I remember one girl especially who, once she found out that I was sexually active, made it her mission to tell me that I was a slut and not following god's plan to wait for Mr. Right and get married. I laughed at her though I was angry that she called me a slut. Sometime later I was informed by a mutual friend of this girl and myself, that she had "lost her flower". I couldn't wait to find her and welcome her to the slutty slope to hell. That was just one of my encounters with fundies preaching one thing and acting on another. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness my whole life and already started doubting at the tender age of 10. The Kingdom Hall is where most of my study took place. I would listen to sermons, or what they call talks, about living double lives from elders in my church (they hate it when you call it church somehow this makes them different from the other religions out there). They were constantly on my case about this all though I thought I was always very clear about who I was.

At one point a girl from my school was given one of their books and didn't want it, so she asked me what to do with it. I put it where it belonged, in the garbage. That following Tuesday I was called into another private meeting after the service with my mother that night. Somehow they found out that I threw their precious book of misinformation in the trash. They wanted to pull me back into the flock. I was asked if I threw the book away. I didn't lie to them, I truthfully told them that I did with a short "yep". They started to try to tell me why it was wrong when I informed them that I didn't care. I can't recall my exact words because of the reaction I got. They all slammed their buy bulls shut and quickly got up from the table. One of them went so far as to say that I was smelling myself. Whatever that meant.

To this day I never understood why they got so mad that I disagreed. I didn't make an argument, I simply disagreed. Everyone of those elders that was in that room with me with the exception of one had kids that I went to school with and was watching living these double lives everyday. Yet I was the project because I was honest about my disgust with "the truth". Throughout my teens I became increasingly angry and depressed. I became what you would call goth/emo. My whole world was dark and I hated everything and everyone. I thought of suicide but I wanted to take everyone with me just to prove to them there was no god. I didn't of course because I had hope that once I got away from the fundies my life would be better.

In a lot of ways it was, but the damage to my psyche was done. I did everything under the sun just because I could. I threw my life away for awhile just trying to be the person I was always told not to be. I won't discuss what finally woke me up to become a useful person again because that is a can of worms I don't want to open, but I was sent into a tailspin about religion. I started to talk to the people who came to the door, I talked to religious people at work. It got really bad. Then one day a lady asked why I didn't just pray on it and get an answer. When I tried to explain that I didn't want to be one of those people who only prays when in crisis she said some weird Jedi mind-trick thing about god wants me to call on him when I need him. It made me feel that she hadn't either heard what I said or didn't understand where I was coming from. Any who, on another occasion some guy came to my door talking about his faith. I tried to be nice and explain that I wasn't really interested, the guy leaves but he put this pamphlet under my door after I had closed it. I picked it up and read it. The "information" that was in it made me furious. I hunted him down and let him and his friend/brother have it! I totally lost my temper. I screamed at this guy about how he raped my home and that everything in that paper that he forced in my home was a lie and everything he believed was a lie. I must have really got the other guy's goat because he started screaming a prayer at me. The guy I came after tried to break us up so I went home.

I just felt so bullied, just like in high school. Even though I don't believe in god which in turn would mean I don't believe in the devil either, I'm still a worshiper of him and being willed to do his bidding. I'm just tired of all the bull. And what's worse is that I feel like I'm a magnet for these people. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not the only person that they harass, but sometimes I feel like they follow me. I've been come at by Mormons, Muslims, Catholics, Protestants, Baptists, and the Jehovah's Witnesses won't give up! I use to be one of them (kinda) so I know how they operate and I tell them not to come back according to their own rules. They're like telemarketers, they're suppose to have a "do not return" list that you can request to be put on. They aren't suppose to come back for at least 6 months. If I know my lease is going to be a year I tell them don't come back in 6 months I'll still be there and still not interested, but they don't seem to listen.

I now have 2 children that I'm trying to protect from my own family. Because of events in my life I have had to move back "home". My family sees this as a chance to get their hooks into my young kids and "fix" them since they failed with me. I guess I came here because I need to know if there are support groups for parents like me who are surrounded by fundies trying to get at my kids? The rant just made me feel better, but I need help.


Popular posts from this blog

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo


By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

Morality is not a Good Argument for Christianity

By austinrohm ~ I wrote this article as I was deconverting in my own head: I never talked with anyone about it, but it was a letter I wrote as if I was writing to all the Christians in my life who constantly brought up how morality was the best argument for Christianity. No Christian has read this so far, but it is written from the point of view of a frustrated closeted atheist whose only outlet was organizing his thoughts on the keyboard. A common phrase used with non-Christians is: “Well without God, there isn’t a foundation of morality. If God is not real, then you could go around killing and raping.” There are a few things which must be addressed. 1. Show me objective morality. Define it and show me an example. Different Christians have different moral standards depending on how they interpret the Bible. Often times, they will just find what they believe, then go back into scripture and find a way to validate it. Conversely, many feel a particular action is not

Why I left the Canadian Reformed Church

By Chuck Eelhart ~ I was born into a believing family. The denomination is called Canadian Reformed Church . It is a Dutch Calvinistic Christian Church. My parents were Dutch immigrants to Canada in 1951. They had come from two slightly differing factions of the same Reformed faith in the Netherlands . Arriving unmarried in Canada they joined the slightly more conservative of the factions. It was a small group at first. Being far from Holland and strangers in a new country these young families found a strong bonding point in their church. Deutsch: Heidelberger Katechismus, Druck 1563 (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) I was born in 1955 the third of eventually 9 children. We lived in a small southern Ontario farming community of Fergus. Being young conservative and industrious the community of immigrants prospered. While they did mix and work in the community almost all of the social bonding was within the church group. Being of the first generation born here we had a foot in two