Skip to main content

The Fundamental Science of Infertility

By WidePathGirl ~

My infertility journey began two years after giving birth to my first child. When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter my husband and I thought we must be super fertile, she was conceived after only one month of trying! We were sure we'd have our dreamed of 2 children before I was 35 right on time, as planned. Boy did we get that wrong!

Unbeknownst to us, I was actually born with what is called a "septic uterus". This is a deformity where your normally pear shaped uterus is instead shaped like a heart, with the top sort of bending or sagging down and covered with a thick ridge of tissue that no embryo can successfully implant into. Getting pregnant right off the bat like that was a lucky one off thing. She just happened to find the one spot inside my uterus that would work.

Fast forward a few years, two devastating miscarriages later we still didn't know what was wrong. We had no idea why it wasn't working this time and I felt I was being punished. (by god of course, I must have sinned big time by marrying an atheist!) And of course I got lots of "helpful" advice from my christian friends and family and co workers. In regards to my miscarriages I was told that god had a "plan" and it would happen when it was supposed to and that there must have been something "wrong" with the babies, and god took care of it, hence I should just put my trust in him and be patient. Bullshit. I was unbelievably angry and felt cheated out of something I desperately wanted. And I didn't appreciate "god" getting to decide that my children apparently weren't worthy to live.

So my husband and I decided to start infertility treatments, a long, expensive, torturous road. I learned quickly that some people (read "christians" here") apparently did not approve of this. When I would mention my treatments they'd get a pinched look on their faces, a frozen smile and would look sideways, away from me. I couldn't imagine what the problem was so I Googled it of course! Apparently the "problem" was that if you are infertile you need to look to god and pray, be patient, be accepting. Perhaps adopt, perhaps wait for a miraculous pregnancy (like Mary???) but never, never, never, ever, ever, ever seek fertility treatments!

The "reasoning" (and I really use this word lightly!) is that if you get pregnant with more than one embryo you might be tempted to use abortion (selective reduction) and that of course is a sin! Or, perhaps you will freeze your embryos and end up not using them, which to some people is still abortion. And worse yet you are messing with god's plan, you are not doing things naturally so you must be sinning.

Never mind that my body was not functioning as it should, that I had lost two babies, not because they were "defective" but because my uterus was wonky and I needed it fixed! By a religious person's point of view it's not okay for me to fix my uterus but it is okay to have say, liposuction or a knee replacement?

Fast forward again, and after many horrible tests, procedures, shots that we had to do ourselves, I finally found an amazing doctor who examined me and immediately somehow knew what the problem was. (no one else had looked close enough to realize it was not a hormonal problem but a physical deformity) He did a 3D ultrasound which confirmed my uterine septum, performed a simple surgery to fix the problem and then we waited for me to heal.

It's not okay for me to fix my uterus but it is okay to have say, liposuction or a knee replacement? I had 16 frozen embryos from an unsuccessful Interuterine Insemination (I had overstimulated from my meds and was popping eggs out everywhere!) Upon the thawing process 8 embryos survived, while only 3 embryos turned out to viable, the others died. Okay, so here is where I am of course a huge sinner, since I froze these embryos and they died. Never mind that they may or may not have died inside of me had they been there naturally, to a fundamentalist christian that doesn't matter. I'm still the evil person who is messing with nature!

We were delighted of course and next came the implanting, my doctor implanted all 3 embryos due to my age and medical history so I would have the biggest chance of at least one taking. We knew there was a risk of multiples but after all we'd been through we were willing to take the chance. That's what FC don't get, they discount your agony of losing a baby and having to go through infertility, often for years and call you a sinner simply because you are willing to do whatever it takes to get at least one live baby!

Well....guess what? All 3 embryos took! Talk about a shock and quite a bit of dismay. Had I been religious, my attitude should have been "oh wonderful, we will have all 3 babies and the lord will take care of everything, even if all 3 die or are born with problems it's okay because this is what god wants!"!!!!! We couldn't take that chance. The doctor told us the odds, they were not in our favor. The odds of losing one, two or even three were huge, especially since I was only 2 months out of my uterine surgery. I could not bear the thought of losing another baby, I felt like it would literally kill me. Now I have to explain. When I say "lose" I mean to go further into the pregnancy and lose one to either miscarriage or premature birth. I felt an extreme responsibility to all 3 babies, but also to our oldest daughter and my husband. I don't want to get into a debate about abortion, but this is what we were facing. I am beyond grateful that we had the right to decide what was best for our family and our situation, and I didn't give a crap what the church might think.

So we did go ahead and elect for the selective reduction of one embryo. Sure I was sad but I was desperately clinging to the hope that the other two or at least one of them would survive. And it was not an easy choice or decision, it will be with me always. None of my relatives aside from my mother know that we had to sacrifice that one embryo to save the others. So yeah I'm a sinner, but 8 months later I gave birth to the most beautiful, healthy twins you have ever laid eyes on. Not thanks to god, but thanks to science!

I have had to hear some comments from people when they hear we used IVF to have our babes. One enlightened douchebag even told me that my children were bound to be "mental" and have "defects" because they were conceived in an "unnatural" way that went against god. Seriously.

I know that many other couples out there are dealing with these issues which is why I wanted to share my story. There is some wonderful science out there that is allowing people to realize their dream of parenthood, without the help of a "god" that doesn't exist. I hope my story has helped you in some and wish you all luck!


Popular posts from this blog

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

Morality is not a Good Argument for Christianity

By austinrohm ~ I wrote this article as I was deconverting in my own head: I never talked with anyone about it, but it was a letter I wrote as if I was writing to all the Christians in my life who constantly brought up how morality was the best argument for Christianity. No Christian has read this so far, but it is written from the point of view of a frustrated closeted atheist whose only outlet was organizing his thoughts on the keyboard. A common phrase used with non-Christians is: “Well without God, there isn’t a foundation of morality. If God is not real, then you could go around killing and raping.” There are a few things which must be addressed. 1. Show me objective morality. Define it and show me an example. Different Christians have different moral standards depending on how they interpret the Bible. Often times, they will just find what they believe, then go back into scripture and find a way to validate it. Conversely, many feel a particular action is not


By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

I can fix ignorance; I can't fix stupid!

By Bob O ~ I 'm an atheist and a 52-year veteran of public education. I need not tell anyone the problems associated with having to "duck" the "Which church do you belong to?" with my students and their parents. Once told by a parent that they would rather have a queer for their sons' teacher than an atheist! Spent HOURS going to the restroom right when prayers were performed: before assemblies, sports banquets, "Christmas Programs", awards assemblies, etc... Told everyone that I had a bladder problem. And "yes" it was a copout to many of you, but the old adage (yes, it's religious) accept what you can't change, change that which you can and accept the strength to know the difference! No need arguing that which you will never change. Enough of that. What I'd like to impart is my simple family chemistry. My wife is a Baptist - raised in a Baptist Orphanage (whole stories there) and is a believer. She did not know my religi