The Biggest Joke Book on Earth

By Carl S ~

Back in the 1960's there was a popular TV series called “Get Smart.” The show was a spoof of James Bond-type counter-espionage. Agent 86, a.k.a. “Smart,” was played by Don Adams. I didn't see many episodes, but I do remember a gag he often repeated. When Smart reported to the head of his agency, he would sometimes say things like, “Would you believe there were 200 of them?” There would be a long pause, and then, “Would you believe 100? What about 75?”

Would you believe this report: a guy fed 5000 men with 5 loaves of bread and two fishes? Well, would you believe 50 loaves and 200 fishes? Would you believe 500 men, and no women and children? Didn't you believe me when I told you he also walked on water? Would you believe me if I said the lake was frozen? Would you believe a man lived to be 400 years old, and then he built a gigantic boat, when any 100 year old man would have trouble building a ship model? What else?

One commentator wrote about an atheist mother…

Memories of Earth

By BeforeIWasBorn ~

It's the first day in heaven and after five hours of praising and glorifying god, you decide to go fishing.

You snap your fingers and have a brand new high dollar rod and reel , a fully stocked tackle box, and a solid gold can full of live multicolored worms. You head off (no shoes, no stickers) to an immaculately groomed small pond surrounded by the most gorgeous flowering trees. The temperature is 72 and it is sunny with a light breeze from the west. (this is heaven so you get to decide which way is west).

Just as you settle in a friend notices you and orders 2 cups of King Oscar coffee (only kind allowed in heaven however it can taste however you wish it to taste) and comes to sit by you.

He tells you he has been to the bowling alley (solid gold lanes and platinum bowling balls) and left after 178 strikes in a row. He says that he would never have approached that kind of record on earth.

And so begins your beautiful memories in heaven only to increase by the day for eternity.

After 250 years of everything being just perfect, your great great great granddaughter who is also in heaven (was a Muslim but fortunately converted to Christianity hours before her death) asks you about your first day in heaven and your life on earth. Nobody in 250 years has asked you about your life on earth. You relate your first day in heaven story and then remember an eerily similar story occurred on earth.

Its a Sunday morning and your wife an you have a horrible argument and you tell her that you are going fishing until she calms down at which point she throws the milk bucket at you hitting you in knee and creating an ugly gash. You hobble down to the barn to find your cane pole an realize you only have one hook. You dig for worms but there are none to be found so you have to buy some at the bait shop for $5/ dozen. It almost makes you sick. Its 94 degrees at 10 in the morning with no wind.

A storm from the night before has pushed a tree over in your favorite spot on the pond and the mosquitoes are relentless.

Your friend walks by in a half listless state with tears streaming down his face. You catch up to him and he tells you his wife had a beautiful baby girl last night. While he was with his wife at the hospital the bowling alley burned down and his teammates were all burned to death as well as 40 other people. You listen and cry with him for several hours and retrace back to the pond to gather your fishing gear when on the line is a fish. You pull it in to find the biggest crappie you have ever seen. You take it to the bait shop and are told it is almost certainly a state record if not a world record. As you skip home you remember in what state you left and warily enter the kitchen. Your wife races at you and throws her arms around you and tells you that she doesn't know what she would do without you.

Your 3 greats granddaughter says that was a horrible wonderful memory, something that could only happen in a place other than heaven. A tear comes to your eye and you wonder if it is blasphemy.

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