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Crossing the Great Divide

By Charles J ~

Wow, what a journey I've been through. Just like everyone's life story it is quite long and crazy. So, I'll try everything I can to keep this clear and short.

I grew up in a loosely Christian home, mom was single (however, dad was still very close), and mom's boyfriend was a bipolar maniac. After moving to Maryland in 2004 we found a nice church and started become a very active Christians. I went to church every Sunday, Sunday night, Wednesday night, any special events, community service opportunities, summer camps. My goodness did I think I figured my life out. Then my step nephew was born. He had a extremely rare and lethal skin disorder called epidermolysis bullosa. Complications from EB caused him to pass away just after his 2nd birthday. I was so close to this little one. I never loved anyone, anything more than my nephew. So when he passed away it was the turning point of my life. I began to question god. Why would you allow a baby to be born with such a terrible disorder knowing he would die. Now where is he? Hell? It says in your word that everyone has sinned. We are all born sinful. And this baby couldn't even talk or walk (results from the disorder) so I know he had never confessed. I received comfort from my youth pastor saying there was an age of accountability that if someone dies before this then he is free from the punishment of sin, and I bought it. So after much mourning I went back to living my life as a Christian, but with him always in the back of my mind. Years passed without much problem. Until one night I was browsing YouTube and came across a video of Biblical Contradictions. Foolishly I said there is no such thing, this is probably an idiot making this video, I'm going to prove them wrong. So I grabbed my bible and clicked the video. I was awestruck. I watched the video and I knew all the verses and their contexts, but because I grew up to believe that the bible was the inerrant word of god I never put two and two together. By this time I am beginning to seriously question religion. I started to ask questions about the Old Testament. I went through all the genocides, complete destruction of a race of people, rape, slavery, bigamy, all the complete and utter bullshit stories that could never occur. I looked at Noah's Ark. How the hell did I ever believe that? I thought, "Evolution isn't real, so how did god get the penguins from a continent that these people didn't even know about? How could Noah find all the gopher wood to build his boat? How could it rain so much that in only 40 days it covered the tallest mountain? How do this fish survive in brackish waters in such short notice? How did he pump out all the water that was coming inside the boat? How could Jonah survive being in the whale's "belly". And concerning Jonah, how is god's and apologetics so prized Free Will theory play in here? Jonah didn't want to spread the news of god, so he tried to get away from god, and what happened? He got ate by a big fished and threw back up on the shoreline? And if Jonah's free will wasn't real than is ours?

The next day there was a 9/11 documentary that came on coincidentally. My step dad said that we shouldn't allow any Arabian decent people into our country anymore. I spoke outloud and said, "It was okay for god and his armies to completely invade, destroy, and murder whole races of people just because they were in the way of his real estate business, how are Christians any better than these terrorist?"

Well that comment completely changed me. I don't know where it came from inside of me, but it was true. couple months passed and I sealed the deal. I'm done with religion. God doesn't exist. Definitely not the Christian god, either. And wow, I have never learned so much in short period of time. I just want to be a sponge, soaking up every ounce of knowledge that I missed because of this religious blindfold.

Only couple months more passed from then to now. My family now knows that I don't believe in a god. I still go to church, but the only reason why is because I want to keep mom happy and I play bass there. Consequently I still go to a Sunday school too. Guess who is the teacher? My brother in law. A Moody Bible School graduate majored in philosophy, old testament studies, and the such. Man how bad do I feel for him. So delusional. But since I'm the only one in my family and church that's not a believer, I am viewed as the idiot.

Last Sunday I couldn't take it anymore. I was being attacked in Sunday school by my brother in law. So we broke out in a full out debate in the middle of everything. It was an hour long dishing out everything in front of everyone. And I just want to say I'm sorry. I sucked. Terribly. I'll put it like this: I've only been "de-blindfolded" completely for a few months. I know hardly anything about how the world functions or rebuttals besides of the ones of my former life, "god did it". I failed. I failed to open the minds of the people I care about. But don't worry I'm learning, I'm reading, I'm watching. It isn't over. I will become smarter.

You guys, the members of this website, have helped me such much. I want to thank you whole heartedly for sharing your knowledge and experiences with me. I know you guys don't know who I am, but you have guided me through my deconversion. I am fully indebted to the members of and the only way to pay back is to share my new found knowledge and epiphanies with each other on this website like you have done for me.

Until next time, Continue to become smarter.

As my inspiration, Frank Turner, sang "I’m not convinced of the existence of these things that don’t exist. Yeah by Jewish boys with big ideas and scratches on their wrist. By a loving or a vengeful God or one who condescends, Who’ll wash his hands down in the mire among the misery of men..."