A Confused Christian

By Princ ~

I became a saved Christian on January 2013 when I came across the concept of salvation on the internet. I decided to become a Christian because I was interested in following the commandments of God and I also liked the idea of Jesus caring about everyone. Two weeks after my conversion, I decided to read the bible and that is when I was so shocked at the cruelty of God. The Old testament is filled with violence, genocide, rape and threats against the Israelis. I was disgusted at the fact that God orders his people to invade other lands, kill all the people and take virgin women as wives.

There are also detailed instructions on how to beat your slaves. I could not believe that many Christians were defending this type of cruelty by claiming that the Canaanites were so evil or God has the right to kill anyone. I also realized that there were thousands of different doctrines regarding salvation and the afterlife. One doctrine is the once saved, always saved doctrine, another one is the lordship salvation and the third one is the salvation based on works. I was so confused as to which one is the right one. I was also confused and scared when I came across the doctrine of eternal torment. I did not know anything about hell when I initially became a saved believer. Needless to say, the concept of eternal torment caused anxiety, scrupulosity, fear and pessimism in me. I was very concerned that my family members were going to hell because they are not saved.

Many people say that they felt peace or hope when they came to know about Jesus. In my case, I think that converting to Christianity was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my 21 yrs on earth. As of May 2013, I am on a breaking point. I am not sure if I should completely fall away from Christianity or if I should continue in my faith. Christianity has been a source of fear for the past 4 months. I am not sure what to do.