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I'm Finally Free

By Denise Borum ~

I attended the Pentecostal Church while my mother was pregnant with me. My mother and father began their religious journey at a very young age. I was forced to attend services all day on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. My father felt the need to open the church and close it for every service.

Consequently, we ate our dinner in the back seat of the car while driving to the church. For every single service, we had to wait until the last member left the church so that my father could lock up. When there was a revival, we had to attend every night for weeks. Our church believed in...and regularly recited, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." Needless to say, the rod was not spared in my household. The beatings, not spankings, were so severe that my bleeding wounds had to be treated in order to avoid infection.

This severe abuse lasted for years. I was also hit by the members of the church. My parents didn't see anything wrong with my being battered by others for any reason at all. Periodically, we kids had to go up to the altar and get saved. Yes...we were baptized in the Holy Ghost.

I actually disassociated during one of those episodes. I remembered the beginning of getting saved, and I remember coming out of the trance. I realize now that we were hypnotized. Despite all of that, I became a church organist. Now why did I do that? I was in a ministerial position, so the ridicule and lies were flying.

A few years ago, I made another attempt to play the organ at my old church. I am an adult now so I thought things had improved. WRONG! The Pastor's wife yelled at me, at the top of her lungs, because the Pastor was about to pray and I wasn't aware of that. I was having a conversation with a member of the church. We weren't yelling, mind you. We were engaged in a pleasant conversation. Needless to say, I was embarrassed.

One another occasion, I walked up to the Pastor's wife to shake her hand. She stood still like a statue and didn't respond. The Pastor saw what she did and laughed at me. When I talked to the other members after the service, I looked around and noticed that the Pastor was following me around the church! Another member hit me very hard on three separate occasions. I can't tell you why that happened because she didn't tell me and I didn't ask. I was passing by and then, wham! Another member placed his hand on my buttocks. I felt my lips tighten as I told him to keep his hands off of me.

Many other things happened. I don't have enough room to write it all down. You must have guessed by now that I left and never returned.

Those people are crazy. I just can't do it anymore. It's too stressful. Those Christians were some of the meanest, craziest people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. It's over for me. I'm now seeking spirituality in the Pagan realm. I love the idea of dealing with spirituality that involves the five senses. The Pagans are some of the nicest people I have ever met. So, although I am an Ex-Christian, I have not completely left my spirituality. The difference is that I no longer look to Christianity to find it.

I am so happy now. My life is so complete. I haven't come out to my family or Christian friends. I will when the time is right. I am relieved because I have come out to you as an Ex-Christian. This is cathartic for me. Thank you.