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My journey

By Austin ~

Over the years I have been questioning everything. Even as a little kid who didn't understand much, I still questioned my faith.

I turn 21 this coming Friday and have never felt like I belonged. My family has always been "super" Christian and so I tried... and tried. I always felt like I had to believe or I wouldn't fit in.

I live in a small town (about 1100 people) and every Sunday I am the only person not in church. I just kept questioning until just here recently (thanks to Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Cosmos). I still cannot tell anyone what my beliefs are because I know that I will be shunned. My parents would treat me different, and my wife would lose interest in me. We got married in a church, because that's what she wanted. But listening to Star Talk one day I had asked
"Why does 'God' let bad things happen. If he loves everyone why would he have given Eve a chance to eat the apple if he knew he what she would do. Why?"

Well my wife started listening in and of course got mad at what they were saying on Star Talk and told me to turn it off, but I refused. I told her these are great questions we need to ask ourselves. Well, she basically said that if I didn't believe in god, then our marriage was void, because we got married in a church.

First, what does it matter where we were married -- why does that have anything to do with it? We got married because we love each other, not because of faith.

I still cannot tell anyone that I truly do not, and never have believed in god. But my wife will not let me be me. I believe science and fact. I support evolution and the Big Bang theory, which she knows I do but I told her I believe in a higher power did all of that. It's hard that I have to hide from everyone including my kids (I had a kid way early but we are doing good). Thanks to yahoo answers I found this website and can I say I just love all of the post. Knowing there are people who can understand where I am coming from comforts me.

I just cannot mentally wrap my mind around why a loving god would damn someone to hell for living a good life but doubting his existence when the only proof we have is the bible that was written by a million different people. It boggles my mind and frankly I wouldn't want to worship something like that anyway.

Anyway thanks to all of you for letting me realize that I can be who I want and not believe or believe in what I want to.