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A brief introduction and some thoughts

By Faithfulless ~

I wish I was brave enough to introduce myself, and tell the truth of my story, a little about my upbringing, my family, and my current struggles, but at this point in my life I am just too afraid of being exposed –a sad place to be in a “free country.”

For those ex-Christians who are familiar with “small groups” -- those weekly meetings with friends to study the bible, pray and fellowship –- it seems that the deconverting could benefit from Small Groups too. In fact I would love to participate in a bible study that helped me to continue to understand both the truths and the fallacies.

How does one actively search for something like that, especially while still living in the closet? But in the meantime, I just want to give a big thank you to those of you who take the time to post the details of your testimonies, debunking the myths that if you are a non-believer now, then you never were – or that you are only going through a rebellious stage. It's clear that some of you have been around awhile and especially those who respond.

I have a lot of questions, and thoughts, too many to get to in one post. But I’ll start with this: Perhaps you have asked a Christian a question (for example, regarding the injustice of eternal damnation) in which there is truly no suitable answer that really sits right (at least with any Christian who has an ounce of compassion for the billions of “damned”) . . .But rather than admitting that this sort of justice doesn’t make sense, of course, the Christian responds by trying to explain that the reason there is no answer that we can fathom, is because we are “using our human brain” which is limited, or “finite” and incapable of understanding God on God’s level. Perhaps the Christian might add, “our ways are not His ways” as if this statement with a wave of the hand is meant to strike awe in the listener and sweep away all conscientiousness regarding the question at hand.

My retort to this attempt at avoiding the uncomfortable truth (i.e. the biblical God – as interpreted in mainstream Christianity – looks a lot like a terrorist), is threefold. First, of course I am thinking with a human brain! What other choice do I have? Second, if God created my brain, then surely He understands that the human brain is going to make attempts to make sense out of the senselessness of such “justice.” (Thank heavens the American justice system is not modeled after the Bible: any criminal not repenting of his crime, no matter how small the crime, demands a life sentence without any chance for rehabilitation. After all, wouldn’t that be the perfect biblical model for justice?)

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if God is not able to reveal to us (or humans are incapable of understanding) the rationale behind so many of the fundamental concepts and events as depicted in the Bible, and if it is “not for us to know,” then how can Christians say – with any confidence at all – that their interpretation of the Bible is correct? If His rationale is so complex, so unreachable, so impossible to comprehend – then what makes Christians think that they can take the bible literally about anything? After all, isn’t God a lot more complicated than that? Why are we expected to read the stories in the bible as simple, straightforward, and literal – and yet the explanation behind why these depicted events “had to happen” is so beyond our reach? God wants to confuse us? The standard answer (and there is always an answer for everything) is that “this is a test of our faith.” So even though God is capable of anything, He is not willing to explain his line of reasoning in a way that humans can understand. He wants to make it tricky. And He has His reasons. But that is not for me to know.