Why do I have to suffer?

By John ~

I'm in so much pain.

My faith has been shattered into nothingness. I'm left in a state of confusion and dismay. I ask God sometimes why he does not show me he loves me and that he is real, but at lass, I get no answers. I tried 1000 times and I have failed 1000 over to go back to the faith. I feel like my mind has been played with, deceived for all those years for absolutely nothing.

It seems no amount of logic and reasoning, learning, thinking can bypass the fear and guilt of this God, yet how can I not believe in this God and yet hold onto such rigid feelings at the same time? I feel like I'm stuck in limbo and that I'm a living paradox it-self.

I long for a soul to exist. I cannot fancy myself the way some nonbelievers do to say life is full of so many wondrous things. it's full of repetition and trite things, bad and evil things, unfairness, a system that is governed by it's king, I call it money. I cannot accept that this is it and yet I cannot force myself to believe in the soul concept anymore right now, thus I'm stuck in limbo on this as well.

I cry on the inside from my pains, pains that have both to do with my former faith and my life itself. Some people tell me to take the magic happy pills called depression pills, but I refuse to undertake such flawed methods when are understanding of the mind is too limited.

My anger at times boils because I got screwed out of a real life and it is I who wants a soul to be real more then many would think...I see a world where everyone is fighting. arguing and talking behind each others back. hypocrites I see in both theist's and atheist's alike.

My anger at times boils because I got screwed out of a real life and it is I who wants a soul to be real more then many would think, yet it is I who has to try to accept that we live and then all we have will be taken from you in the end.

My agonies are great in number, even in my dreams I cannot escape it. why has God forsaken me I sometimes ask, but at lass this sounds like I still believe. maybe I do? how do I believe in a God that can do all things because he can just do it? what little of logic and reasoning my mind is capable of cannot see how it's possible for such a being to really exist, yet the fear and guilt of the God of Christianity is still there, and it seems worse then ever.

Why, why do I have to suffer all this agony both because of the faith and things outside of it. why?

My tears matter not, my pain is all in vain. I feel lost in the dark not knowing what the hell I'm doing anymore. I say to myself sometimes...never mind that part.

I cannot worship such gods that torture people eternally even if they were to exist. if they could read my thoughts they would see I think their evil for doing so. I would want real logical answers in to why god or gods allowed so much suffering all the way down to insects. I have heard the answers so far in in to why and yet they do not add up to me. and the idea I have to conform to a reality that a wizard in another realm that can hear my every thought and can do all things with his super powers is so patently absurd to me now, yet I still have the fear and guilt. I do not comprehend how this can be at this point.

I hate what the faith has done to me and it's all based on lies at the same time.

I feel so sad and helpless.

Comments

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

Morality is not a Good Argument for Christianity

By austinrohm ~ I wrote this article as I was deconverting in my own head: I never talked with anyone about it, but it was a letter I wrote as if I was writing to all the Christians in my life who constantly brought up how morality was the best argument for Christianity. No Christian has read this so far, but it is written from the point of view of a frustrated closeted atheist whose only outlet was organizing his thoughts on the keyboard. A common phrase used with non-Christians is: “Well without God, there isn’t a foundation of morality. If God is not real, then you could go around killing and raping.” There are a few things which must be addressed. 1. Show me objective morality. Define it and show me an example. Different Christians have different moral standards depending on how they interpret the Bible. Often times, they will just find what they believe, then go back into scripture and find a way to validate it. Conversely, many feel a particular action is not

ACTS OF GOD

By David Andrew Dugle ~ S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden – Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

I can fix ignorance; I can't fix stupid!

By Bob O ~ I 'm an atheist and a 52-year veteran of public education. I need not tell anyone the problems associated with having to "duck" the "Which church do you belong to?" with my students and their parents. Once told by a parent that they would rather have a queer for their sons' teacher than an atheist! Spent HOURS going to the restroom right when prayers were performed: before assemblies, sports banquets, "Christmas Programs", awards assemblies, etc... Told everyone that I had a bladder problem. And "yes" it was a copout to many of you, but the old adage (yes, it's religious) accept what you can't change, change that which you can and accept the strength to know the difference! No need arguing that which you will never change. Enough of that. What I'd like to impart is my simple family chemistry. My wife is a Baptist - raised in a Baptist Orphanage (whole stories there) and is a believer. She did not know my religi

Search This Blog