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The Life of Chri

By Carl S. ~

Once upon a time in the Middle East, home to almost every nutty religion, a child was allegedly born of a virgin who was no longer a virgin after he was born, so what‘s the point? Like other gods before him...yawn. It was claimed that this boy would be the earthly presence of an all-powerful deity, packed into his tiny, diaper-rash body.

He was to be a long awaited messiah. (You'd be amazed how many messiahs there have been in history - even American Indian tribes had their messiah, to redeem them from you-guess-who.) He was supposed to free the Jewish people from the Romans who occupied their land. A lot of godly claims were made about him; a tremendous amount of hope rode on his potential. And the greatest news ever imparted to humans by a god. So what went wrong? Because, for all of his alleged potential, he did a piddling amount of good, and a lot of harm.

This god-man, who was supposed to know everything already, was educated as, and became, a rabbi. Which means that he learned to read and write. Now, writing gives you power. And when there are important matters that MUST be imparted, really, really, important things you want to communicate, you are compelled to write them down in a way that leaves no room for misunderstanding. This guy NEVER did. Instead, he left it up to the dunderheads who would write decades later. (Nobody knows who they were; maybe they were macho guys trying to upstage each other with ever more elaborate b.s. Talk about tradition!)

Here is a man whose lifespan is claimed to be around 33 years. Not a great span in which to get so much done, but hey! Make the most of it. It must have been unbearable, itching to get out there. So what does he do but spend the majority of those years in obscurity! He didn't “come out” until he was 30, at which time, it is alleged, he got VERY busy performing “miracles” (unauthenticated by historians at the time, of course), like bringing back a rotting corpse from the dead, and healing people suffering from psychologically caused illnesses. If you follow the texts about what he did, he did very little, considering his promised potential. And, he failed to bail out the Jewish people it was claimed he came to save. They waited hundreds of years for THIS?

And what about the great messages he had for humankind? Don't get me started, you know? Which is why nobody except the mentally disturbed would follow his commands, or even his recommendations! And even in reading the stuff he‘s alleged to have said, it isn’t communicated clearly. And then he got mad when the people closest to him didn't “get it” the first time.

What he WAS successful at was pissing off the rabbinical leaders, by being a know-it-all heretic who constantly criticized and ridiculed them. If he knew what he was supposed to know, he would have realized that this would come to no happy ending. Sounds like he had a powerful death wish. So, he did set one good example: DON’T do as he did, unless you have a martyr-complex. Pretty bad. Bad enough for not mere imprisonment, but execution, and the worst kind available at the time. The voice in his head told him this was the BEST way to save mankind from whatever he was saving them from.

So, just what is this man's claim to fame? Well, it's claimed that he came back from the dead, like gods before him did. Take it from the people who wrote DECADES after this “all-important event,” who got their info hearsay; information so reliable (read the witnesses‘ testimonies yourself), that it would be laughed at, and NEVER allowed in any court of the land today.

Now, you might logically conclude that if a man actually came back from the dead, he would have unlimited time to do good. No weapons would stop him. He could go back to those who had him killed and say, “Ha ha. Now what do you think of me? I'm going to let the WHOLE WORLD know that what I claimed is true. Hey, look me over! No doubt at all!” But no - he disappears!!! (This makes sense, insofar as the rest of his story makes sense.)

This December 25th, you may hear an American folk hymn titled “I Wonder as I Wander.” In its second line are the words, “How Jesus our savior was born for to die.” At a concert of Christmas music once, an intellectual was asked what he thought about the gospel nativity story. He said, “It would be a beautiful story, if it were true.” No - this story would be a horror story, if it were true. This child was predestined to be murdered, his life of no more value than that of sheep, cattle, or any other livestock. One wonders why he wasn't aborted as he was born, if his death is the purpose-driven reason for his birth.

There is a little known fact you need to be aware of: Paul’s epistles were written BEFORE these gospel accounts of the life of this man, and Paul doesn't even mention the alleged “miracles,” sayings, and commandments described in the gospels. First came Jesus’ bright idea that, like chromosomes, the immoral acts of parents are inherited by the children, generation after generation! And that somebody had to DIE in order to stop that from continuing! So, the writers fit this concept to their story as the primary reason for their hero's existence. The gospel writers cooked up this life story AFTER Paul came out with his visionary version. (A.P.?)

What actual “legacy” remains, even today, from this man’s life and teachings? Well, one is that in order for good to be achieved, harm must first be done; the greater the harm, the greater the good achieved: the more exacting the sacrifice (such as, for example, killing your own child), the more powerful the good resulting from it becomes: that Higher Powers require greater sacrifices to appease them: that ultimate destruction results in ultimate blessedness. And not only this, but everything one values, such as family, property, fidelity to one's spouse, family members, and personal responsibilities are to be sacrificed for the sake of the leader, because the end of the world is coming soon, and it‘s only the “afterlife” that matters. If you can‘t believe this, you‘ll be tormented forever. This is the good news.

As a biography, well, it's not worthy of publication. The man left no writings, did not live up to expectations, and had no flexibility. But, he did have a short temper, unrealistic expectations for humans (like other cult leaders, before and after him), and forced others to assist him in his suicide. And, he failed to come back “soon,” as he constantly assured everyone he would, to take everyone to his promised land. What a terrible, terrible resume, and a very bad role model.

The good news is: it's fiction, though bad fiction.

Cause for celebration? I call it “The Life of Chri,” because it makes you want to cry.