Church-man Joe

By Anonymous ex-Christian ~

My name is Joe - that you should know
if you went to the weekend show.
The show called church, where we get fed
spiritual stuff, all Spirit led.

I go to church most every week,
appeasing God so He won't freak.
If I don't go, there's Hell to pay,
not just from God, but guilt will stay.
Others will judge and reject me
because of my complacency.

But I do go, am never late,
making it when they pass the plate.
Giving to church -- a gift to God,
Give ten percent -- I smile and nod.
Give ten percent, the O.T. states.
We're in the New, but it's church rates.
Man I hope that makes God happy,
because I'm in debt and all nappy.
But pastor said I would get blessed
above and beyond, it's my best.

Now it's time for me to sing.
My songs to God sound amazing.
I raise my arms, antenna sticks,
all to get my spiritual fix.
This song sounds like brainwashing chant;
Wish it would end -- it's like he can't!
The worship guy is in a loop,
Now the song is soundin' like poop!
Stand up, sit down, leader will say,
I don't know why, but I obey.

I just lost an hour of my life.
Time to preach, n' cut like a knife.
Pastor is mad, yellin' at all
for all their sins, and Adam's fall.
Man, I feel real sick and dirty,
Maybe I'll pray to feel purty.
I close my eyes and fold my hands.
And if I don't? Can't take that chance.
God might see my poor church manners,
For posture certainly matters.
Even my clothes God is judging,
Gotta dress up, for He is watching.

OK, now it is time to pray.
I bow my head while I say,

"Dear God, it is not about me.
This day for You, I hope You see.
I went through all this church this day,
just so that you would get Your way.
I listened real good and got fed
by the pastor, who's Spirit led.
God I'm so glad I got learn,
I even feel my conscience burn."

I think I'm better now this day,
compared to those who, in bed, lay.
While I drove my righteous self home,
I realized that I'm all alone.