Skip to main content

Just Not Good Enough!

By DOswalt ~

I am currently enrolled in a Bible College in Texas after having grown up in an independent, fundamental, soul winning, hell fire, damnation, and separation Baptist church. I heard all the preaching from Jack Hyles, Monte Watts, Bob Gray, and of course all the missionaries that came through one of the three churches I have attended. I have been involved so much in church that I headed off to bible college two years ago thinking I too would be a pastor or missionary. Now I am here telling my story.

I remember the first time we went to church when I was four years old. I went to junior church where some guy preached on hell. Well, I didn't want to go to a place like that so I raised my hand during the prayer to get saved. So two other boys my age and I went off to another room where this guy told us how to go to heaven. I didn't really understand why, but I prayed anyway so that I could be saved.

By this time my parents were already divorced, but my stepmother was just the same with a different name. However, my mother was in a wreck that has left her mentally incapable, and thus at the whims of her new husband(a staunch Jehovah's Witness).

I am the oldest of ten kids (eight of which are from my dad who I live with) simply because it must have been God's will if it happened, but then all things must be God's will since he already knew that it would happen. However, it is this thought of God's omnipotence, omniscience, and all-benevolence that has led me here. How is God not able to save the very one that supposedly rebelled against him? He made Satan, can't he save him to? Much more so, could he not save all men instead of letting all but the Jews (Old Testament) and the Christian (New Testament) go to hell?

Question posed to one of my Professors last week: If God knew that a person was going to reject him before he created them, than why would he be considered all powerful?

Answer: And I quote,
"Well, I think what you have here is that you can't fault God for foreknowledge."

Now, this and the rest of his explanation satisfied everyone else in the class, but for me it is just not good enough. Why can't I question God? Don't you also say to "try the spirit"? Don't you constantly drill the need to know exactly what you believe?

Oh, but if it comes from man and not the Bible than it doesn't count!

Now I understand. If I just read my Bible than I could live entirely off of just what it says. Like this, "Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." So you have to hate people, especially your family and friends, in order to spread the "word of love."

Now, if God does not change than why do we have the story of the flood? Babel? God hardening the heart of Pharaoh? Constantly trying to kill the Israelites and make a new nation from Moses? God putting a lying spirit in the mouth of the prophets of the Lord in front of King Ahab?

How did Satan sin anyway? if Heaven is perfect and he was an angel than he should not have been able to sin.

How do you know that the Bible is the same as it was two thousand years ago? You can't!!!

Why is it when I read the supposed "prophecies of Christ" that they were soon fulfilled in the context of the prophet that gave it?

Why do you believe a man who plainly said he was in a trance for your apocalypse theory? Even though that was clearly supposed to happen "before this generation shall pass."

They have their shotgun spread answers, but they are just not good enough for me. I no longer believe it! I will not believe in something that offers me no real proof. I can not!

That part has been building for a long time. As of right now, I know I can not stay in Bible college if I don't believe it, but I don't want to ruin my reputation at the college, or back home, or everywhere I have ever been my entire life. I don't know how to tell this to my family, friends, or college staff(who are very personally interactive here). Leaving Christianity means leaving everything I have ever known; how can I do that? Any help on where to start would be appreciated.