9/20/2010 | Share this article:By Patrice ~
Hello to whoever may read this. I've been coming to this site for a little while, probably a little over a month. It takes alot for me to write on this site, even now, with my questions and honest disgust with Christianity--I still feel somewhat like a blasphemer. But, I can't help that when I read a lot of the rants and testimonies that I feel what they feel.
Image by ·BigGolf· via FlickrI have felt so much guilt, fear and just plain old pressure from trying to live the Christian life and honestly in my heart of hearts...I don't want to be a Christian anymore. I'm not worried about what to call myself or if I'm even comfortable calling myself an agnostic just yet. I know that I don't wish to or even want to go back to being a Christian.
I hope to be able to be fully free of this someday and put my testimony on here with confidence. I've been a Christian for almost all of my life (since 8yrs old and I'm 27 now).
My heart is racing even as I write this small rant.
I have been feeling much better since I've decided to leave, but as lots of you guys have stated in your own testimonies, it can be hard and the fear of hell still lingers. I've read a good amount of books by Bart Ehrman, Voltaire, Thomas Paine, and Bertrand Russell. I relate to all of them, I can't put my faith in the bible anymore, I'm quite unsure how to feel about Jesus and I don't want to try to put it all back together. I feel good about what I'm doing, but the lingering fear of hell is the only barb that bothers me still.
I'd like to dig further into my reasons for leaving at a later date, but I just wanted to ask you all about your feelings while leaving.
Believe me, it took a lot for me to write this.