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The Unknowable Truth

By a searching soul ~

Like many of us, I was raised Christian. My mother is the youngest of five. Her father was a Baptist minister, her mother a chaplain and both retired missionaries (mother was actually born in Brazil while the family was still evangelizing there). My father is the youngest of six. His father was a Methodist minister. Both of my parents are still Christians (though neither attend church). My brothers are Christians; my aunts and uncles are Christians; my cousins are Christians. I believe I'm the only one who has been anything but.

Thinking...Image by Klearchos Kapoutsis via Flickr
Like every other child raised in a Christian home, I never questioned my religion. I went to church and Sunday school happily enough. I read my Bible; I memorized my verses. Then middle school came. This was the turning point in my life that made me question what I was doing and who I was. As a result, I studied different religions and belief systems.

Since then it's been a rocky path. I've practiced many religions, including Wicca, Satanism, Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, and neo-paganism. I have a deep respect for all belief systems and still hold the study of religion close to my heart. I've just never been able to find the one for me. I never understood why until i really sat down and thought about whether I believed a deity or deities actually existed or not. The thought of not believing in a god was and still is mind-blowing. I've always been one to question things, but I'm very child like in that I hold on to hopes and ideals even if I suspect that they could be wrong.

Is there a god? Who knows. For me the proof is all around us. The proof IS us. But the progress of science cannot be denied and the theory of evolution cannot be declared simply outrageous, no matter how hard Christianity shouts. I feel as if I'll spend my whole life simply not knowing. But at least I know there are others out there that have come from the same place as me and have ended up here as well.

Thank you for this website. It's really a comfort.