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Jesus killed my mother

By Lisa ~

I feel like I need to get this out so what better place then among other non-believers. My mother died of Gallbladder cancer 5 1/2 years ago. She was a type II Diabetic, Charismatic Christian. My mother (the narcissist) proclaimed to everyone she knew after one of her very spirit filled experiences at church, that "the Lord" spoke directly in her ear and said "IT IS FINISHED". My mother was convinced that God was speaking to her about her diabetes and surely she is now healed. She proceeded to tell her entire family (which the majority also had diabetes) that she was HEALED... and she didn't need to go to the doctor anymore, no pills, Jesus took it away.

While the rest of her family were also "believers," none shared her joy in the news and most thought she was a little crazy for being so bold about it. I mean really.. even if you did believe Jesus could take away the disease, why her? Why her over them? My mother would get defensive and angry with anyone who would question her or even not share in her joy. In her mind we should have all been praising the Lord so we could have enough faith to believe in our much needed miracles.

Right away my mother was irritated with everyone's lack of faith. Surely she is more favored in the eyes of Lord for having the faith of a mustard seed. My mother had also succumbed to the belief that if she didn't believe she received a true miracle from God, the devil would steal her healing (this is what the Charismatics teach).

"The Lord" spoke directly in her ear and said "IT IS FINISHED". My mother was convinced that God was speaking to her about her diabetes and surely she is now healed.My mother eventually had to see a doctor for other issues (well at least that's what she told me), she would say that it was her Thyroid, too much cortisol in her body (reason for being so heavy) etc. I would ask her if they were checking her blood sugars and she would admit that they were still "a little high" because sometimes the healing is "gradual"... ME: "Yes of course mother, Jesus likes to make you wait it's all a lesson isn't it.. (eye roll)."

For years because my mother didn't want to take any medication to control her diabetes she walked around with High blood sugar in her system, no
energy, swollen feet and a whole host of other symptoms. But even though she felt like shit she would still proclaim her healing to strangers, and often enjoy a full pancake breakfast with Strawberry syrup! This way Jesus would see her unmoved faith! Surely the Healing would be complete soon.

Instead, she got a rotted inside, full of cancer.

Look, I never was very close to my mother and religion was a state of contention between us. She tried to pull me in and I would bite and get a
little crazy too, then I would pull away, and bite again because of the guilt my mother placed on me for "Not being right with God". It was a
battle of the mind for years and years. It isn't until now a free thinking Atheist that I can make sense of it all.

Daughter of a Narcissistic Religious woman. May I never repeat the patterns.